Partner's child personal hygiene

[Cgd2020]

Any advice or should I just try to forget about it... When my partner and I and his now 13 year old daughter moved in together I deliberately did not take on certain tasks, one being laundry. But my partner does not do or make his daughter wash her clothes. (his mother previously did it for her). As a result her clothes smell, her room smells and it cannot be good for her body/personal hygiene. I dread to think how long she wears her underwear for. During normal school time it must be bad for whoever sits beside her in class. I have said to my partner about this but he doesn't seem bothered, should I just try to let it go?

Ah...think justmuddlingalong has hit nail on head ..

You sound like a heartless, why on earth you allow a young girl to smell. My parents wash my clothes at 13 they were doing a family wash. They also made sure I had access to washing products and deodorants. I cant fathom why you would leave her clothes and wash you're own. Complete neglect from the pair of you and tbh it's a form of abuse.

It is usual for a 13 year olds washing to be done by an adult in the household. One of you needs to take responsibility for this child. You both should be thoroughly ashsmed of yourselves.

This can not be real. You act like it is the childs fault for being neglected. She is 13 she cant be responsible for laundry is your home. She needs access to fresh clean suitable clothes. Show her and get her to help with laundry yes but not leave her to do it 100% solo when she clearly isn't. This is very much a parenting issue and in later life she will look back with resentment. Step up and be a nurturing adult. Stick on a wash for her a few times a week. Run her a nice bath.

I understand that you don’t want to take on the domestic drudge whilst your partner carries on regardless. You’re not the maid.

But this child is being neglected. That’s the main thing here. She’s going to get bullied. And mud sticks - she could end up as chancellor of the exchequer in 30 years’ time, but her schoolmates will still remember her as the stinky kid. Please do something, make your partner see sense.

How can you let I tell go ?? She’s 13 ! She’s clearly not coping and you as the adults need to step up.
Up to you how you divide your housework but in my experience most 13 year olds aren’t responsible for their own laundry and need chivvying about cleaning bedrooms and showering. Possibly she needs some mothering from you and advice about personal hygiene.
Has she got enough clothes, enough uniforms, enough undies and bras to change daily? Does she use deodorant ? Does she shower daily and after sport ? Ian she managing her periods ok?
Please do something before this impacts on her socially at school.

You live with a 13 yr old yet wouldn’t pop her laundry in when you’re doing a wash?
Do you only wash your own clothes?
Why would you let a child living in your house be neglected? are you completely heartless?
If I’m putting a wash on I ask my teenagers if anyone has anything and it all goes on together, they do put a wash on themselves too.

From around the age of ten I helped with the washing at home. No reason why a 13 year old can't be shown what to do.

My goodness you sound “lovely” OP. If you can’t even support her with straightforward things like washing her clothes imagine what use you’ll be to her when she really needs support with much bigger things!

What comes around goes around. One day you might be the one that needs your clothes washed and much more!

I meant her partner was bone idle too

You love someone who wont keep their child clean?

Why?

Is there a shortage of men in your area?

Oh FFS. Surely it takes more effort to deliberately leave and separate all her washing out of spite than it does to just bundle all similar colours in the washing machine. Who even cares who it belongs to?

So your partner is washing his own clothes but not his daughters?

To be honest I think it is better if one person is in charge of laundry (it can be week about) but it easier to make up loads if it is everyone clothes. If you are all separate that is a waste of water and very time consuming.

Can you not talk to the girl and tell her she must do her laundry (and shower/bath if she is reluctant to do that). Show her how if she doesn't know. Most girls of her age become quite particular about personal hygiene and their clothes. She might be waiting for you to suggest it, could be embarrassed about just doing it.

Feel so sad reading this.It's sound like this child not only needs her washing done but also a little bit of love too.
Poor little thing.

This can't be real. Who would refuse to add another person's washing to the load, when they're living with them. And they're 13!

What's your relationship with this child? Does she not have a dirty linen basket in her room, to put her soiled clothes in? I'm just stunned that she's living with you and you can't have a conversation about this.

In your other thread she's 11 and you only have her a few days a week, treat her like gold since she was 2.

I’ve ASd this Op and can only see one other post from her. No threads started by her. In her one post she references a 13yo SD.

OP I see you are pregnant- I assume this means your partner’s child neglect only started very recently? You surely wouldn’t have knowingly created a child with someone who neglects his existing child? That would be quite stupid wouldn’t it?

@gamerchick

In your other thread she's 11 and you only have her a few days a week, treat her like gold since she was 2.

Where did the 13 yr old come from who lives with you. No mention of her in your other thread.

That’s not OPs thread, she commented on that thread mentioning her 13yo step daughter.

As if you both won’t help her out, especially you as a woman who knows what it is like to be a girl at that age WTAF.

I never did my own washing at that age, don’t the dirty clothes all just go into one basket?

Who would refuse to add another person's washing to the load

Her father.