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Original poster

Partner's child personal hygiene

232 replies

Cgd2020 · 31/05/2020 22:46

Any advice or should I just try to forget about it... When my partner and I and his now 13 year old daughter moved in together I deliberately did not take on certain tasks, one being laundry. But my partner does not do or make his daughter wash her clothes. (his mother previously did it for her). As a result her clothes smell, her room smells and it cannot be good for her body/personal hygiene. I dread to think how long she wears her underwear for. During normal school time it must be bad for whoever sits beside her in class. I have said to my partner about this but he doesn't seem bothered, should I just try to let it go?

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Ohnoherewego62 · 31/05/2020 22:51

Does she know how to? Shes a young teen and if mum has done it all for her, maybe she doesn't know how to. Why dont you show her or ask her to bring her washing down? Seems a bit petty....

Cant you or DP make it nice for her; let her pick some nice shower gels or pamper treats. She is still young and tbh you have to accept shes there and needs cared for. Please dont allow her to smell or not take care of herself.

Ohnoherewego62 · 31/05/2020 22:52

Actually rereading your last bit, you sound resentful. Hmm

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/05/2020 22:53

Jesus, why wouldn't you just help her? Hmm

dementedpixie · 31/05/2020 22:55

You dont sound very nice or welcoming to a child. Who does washing or are you all supposed to do your own?

Justmuddlingalong · 31/05/2020 22:56

Maybe she's never been taught. Would it really be such a big effort on your part to help her learn a life skill, avoid her being bullied and just do a nice thing?

Original poster
Cgd2020 · 31/05/2020 22:57

She knows how to use the washing machine. In some ways I am resentful, I don't want our home to stink. Maybe I also can't believe partner lets this go on.

OP posts:
anothermansmother · 31/05/2020 22:57

I'm really confused as to why you would let her out like that. She will know she smells, but without a parent/ guardian to show how how to do her washing even if she's showering she'll still smell.
I'm surprised school didn't contact you about it as it would be raised as a safeguarding concern. And I say this as both a teacher and a mum of a 13 year old.
My ds can use the washing machine and irons his clothes, but he still needs reminding to do it.
Help her out, let her use your stuff in the bathroom, offer to each and blow dry her hair. Wash her clothes. I'd never send my child out smelling.

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/05/2020 22:59

Oh grow up, op. You sound bloody awful. The poor kid...

Heroicasymphony · 31/05/2020 22:59

This is neglect.

Please care for the child in your household.

burnoutbabe · 31/05/2020 23:00

You need to tell your partner to sort it or move out.
He should be a father and do this, not you as you have ovaries. If he doesn't care, well he is a pretty crap father.

BBCONEANDTWO · 31/05/2020 23:00

OMG why can't you just do her laundry - or make your partner do it - the poor child.

wildthingsinthenight · 31/05/2020 23:01

Poor girl! Help her for gods sake.
You don't sound very caring towards her.

TimeWastingButFun · 31/05/2020 23:01

So if you deliberately didn't take on the laundry, who does? They need to wash her clothes! Maybe she feels embarrassed to ask so has to re-wear everything. Why not buy her some bath bombs or a pamper box and some new pjs and make a bit of a fuss of her. Make sure she has a good stock of clean clothes at your house too.

Original poster
Cgd2020 · 31/05/2020 23:01

@Heroicasymphony

This is neglect.

Please care for the child in your household.

This was actually the line I was going to use in my next conversation about this with my partner
OP posts:
MrMagooInTheLoo · 31/05/2020 23:02

She's living with you and she's now your family. You're an adult please help her. Talk to your partner. Who else has she got. She'll be having periods, she'll need hygiene advice. Please don't let this continue.

bestbefore · 31/05/2020 23:02

It is neglect. How horrid for the child. Please help her, surely you're her step mum now and kids need help with stuff. Actually it's not even help is just caring

Widowodiw · 31/05/2020 23:02

Just wash her clothes for her. How awful of you. I certainly didn’t wash my own clothes at 13 or 16 come to that! Didn’t take in certain duties? Did you discuss who was going to wash her clothes? The poor girl.

Justmuddlingalong · 31/05/2020 23:02

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Thisismytimetoshine · 31/05/2020 23:03

Who washes your partner's clothes??

Wishforsnow · 31/05/2020 23:03

Why can't you wash her clothes. She is a child. Are you that bone idle you can't be bothered. You or your partner should be doing this. It's not like you have to hand wash things you just press a button. This could improve the child's life but you don't bother.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2020 23:03

Your partner needs to parent his child and both wash her clothes and show her how to do laundry and do the basics to look after herself. He’s the problem. You know that. You can’t blame her. He’s dropped the ball and you should judge him hard for his failings.

Who washes his clothes? If it’s you then stop.

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/05/2020 23:04

Oh, seriously, Justmuddling? There are some very disturbed individuals in this world 🤷🏻‍♀️

dementedpixie · 31/05/2020 23:04

My kids dont do their washing. I make up a mix of loads from everyone's washing baskets. What a waste of water and energy if everyone is supposed to do their own small loads

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2020 23:04

Are you that bone idle you can't be bothered

Does her partner’s penis prevent him from using a washing machine?

Stop being so bloody sexist. This is his child and it’s his responsibility.

SpaceSharkTea · 31/05/2020 23:05

How long have you and DP been together?

At 13 her body is changing and that can be embarrassing enough to discuss with your Dad's partner, let alone having to pluck up the courage to ask her to use the washing machine to clean your underwear. Have you actually thought about this from the perspective of your stepchild?

Do you do DP laundry or make him do his own too? I can't understand why you can't just offer to do hers, especially as you know she's not doing it and she is actually smelling now Hmm