Need some advice or at least a handhold please.
Long story short, 2 of my 3 stepkids (sd 16, ss 10) came to live with us full time in August last year. This was without any discussion between me and dh, and happened because their bm was in her country of origin and didn't know when she was returning...to date she has not returned and as far as I am aware, nobody knows when she is coming back and she doesn't have regular contact with the sk s here.
dh and I have an almost 3 year old ds together. We live in 3 bed small flat. Dh and I both work full time. Bm has never worked.
for some context, we used to see sk every other weekend. I have never been close to them as their bm alienated them against me and their dad initially. I tried hard with them at the beginning but never having got anywhere with them, I have stopped and am just civil with them. The sd i get along with but the ds I find annoying and difficult to like. Dh often tried to float the idea of ss living with us full time, but I said no as I could not deal with him (disruptive and attention seeking, also has no manners). In fact, when we married I said that I was doing so on tjr basis that I would not be living with the sk full time.
since the sk came to live with us, our marriage has been on a downward trajectory. Part of the reason I didn't want sk with us full time is due to the fact they dh completely ignored me when they were around and spent his whole time with them. I didn't like it but coped with it as I reasoned it was only eow. Now they take priority with him, he spends his time running around after ss in particular, ss needy and attention seeking and is usually stick to dh and/or in his lap the entire time. When we went out on a rare date night ss would be waiting up for his dad. Ss basically hates anyone having his dads attention but himself. Dh barely talks to me and now this attitude is the same towards our dh in that he refuses to have 1 on 1 time with ds and insist upon ss bring taken everywhere with them . Even when I ask him if the 2 of us could just go for a walk alone to give me some alone time with him, dh insists upon asking ss. This is on top of dh spending at least an hour every day playing tennis or football with ss ans with ss barely letting anyone near him . Not only am I unhappy about dh's attitude towards me (he doesn't bother with me) but now also his attitude toward ds. Ss gets plenty of alone time with dh but neither ds nor I are allowed to have that opportunity.
i just confronted dh about this to be told to ' f off' and that I'm jealous and paranoid. He said he will do as he wants with his son (as). I said that it's not fair that ss has 1 on 1 time (plus more) with him whilst I and ds are denied that ? He just walked out.
There is a back story to some of this but too long to go into. I'm short I am really annoyed at dh for basically treating me as a nobody and constantly ignoring and belittling me. I would love to leave but I can't bear poor ds being separated from his dad and forced to be set aside by ss if he visits his dad. Also bm I think k has 'dumped' her kids on us deliberately to break up my marriage as she knew I didn't want them here full time. I have no relationship with my dh at the moment, we haven't been intimate for months and I am tired of being last place behind everyone. Part of me thinks to suck it up until needy ss is 18 and just lead a separate life...
anyone been in this situation? I am so sick of what my life has become..