AIBU not wanting to watch his kids?

[Molhouse1]

OH and i have been together for 3 years and have 1 child together. He has 2 children from previous relationship aged 7 and 10. OH recently picked up a job where he is asked to work a few hours sometimes (2-3 hours). Since his kids are on summer vacation, he wants to have them over for almost a week and is asking me to watch them while he goes to work. My answer was absolutely not. I don't want any drama with BM if anything happens to the kids if he is not here. She is an unreasonable human being that has made our life hell and i purposely do not try to parent or say anything to her kids so that they do not have anything negative to say about me and take back to her. For the record, OH only sees them once a month if that, she allows him to see the kids only when she feels like it.
AIBU for not wanting to watch his kids? He seems a little hurt but I am just doing it to protect myself from drama.

@iwannaseehowitends - Only in your entitled opinion. Being a mother doesn't make you important to anyone else, I'm not entirely sure why you are trying to insist it does. You are not important simply because you birthed a child, it is that attitude that causes 90% of the parental issues after a break up that SM's end up having to pick up the pieces of. Children who are torn and fathers that are treated like sh*t on shoes because you BM's seems to think that you must be treated like deity's. Either give some useful feedback to the stepmothers on this forum or bugger off, sitting around trying to tell an SM shes a waste of space for using a term that, for reasons unknown, hurts your poor little feelings is bloody ridiculous.

Fighting, you sound utterly batshit crazy.

You are being obtuse you know it's a disrespectful term. I wouldn't dream of being so rude to describe my ds df as bio dad,he is hes father, he is active in his life and hasn,'t given up his role as father and therefore is referred by as ds df. He wouldn't be so rude and disrespectful to refer to me as bio mom nor would he dw but them we are all grown ups. You sound an extremely bitter individual.

I am utterly batshit fed up of people like yourselves treating SM's like crap and that being the social norm.

Do you know what I did this weekend? I did the majority care of my step kids as OH was ill. I fed them, talked to them about their weeks, entertained them, stopped them beating the crap out of each other the second they were bored, washed their clothes, made sure they brushed their teeth, had baths, got to bed at reasonable hours, made their packed lunches, got them out of the house. And I get in to work today, having basically not stopped for the last 60 hours since I left work, to find another Daily Mail article full of hate towards people like me for either not doing enough, doing too much, or just simply existing. Its high time some of you learnt that respect works both ways, if you want us to start calling you endearing terms like dear mother, stop telling us that we are complete wastes of space.

@snapped, calling me bitter is such an easy "go to" on this forum as to be pointless. I am neither hurt, nor offended. kisses

I haven't actually said that to you though

I do not look after my DPs child...ever! His mother insisted during mediation that DP is always present on a contact weekend as she didnt want her chd being alone with me - suits me fine! She was quite stroppy early on regarding me 'parenting her child (think making sure he ate his dinner!) - so I am completely hands off now as per her instructions! There are times that I'm sure she regrets this now but you can't have it both ways. So no, yanbu.

You haven't personally, the thread has, you are the one replying to my comments at this point in time, do feel free not to "feed the troll" though, because I am in the exact sort of mood to challenge all these incredibly selfish perspectives.

I would have had EVERY right to insist my skids (lets wait for you all to get on your high horse about THAT one ) do not come over this weekend, as OH was unable to care for them. In relation to this thread, it would appear you all seem to think that I SHOULD have spent my weekend running myself ragged rather than the children staying with their ACTUAL parent to be looked after, but again, it just shows the sheer level of entitlement you BM's seem to have, that another woman SHOULD look after your child instead of you. I mean, god forbid it messes with your weekend plans, hey!

This OP has had direct previous issues with lies being made about her, knowing most mothers as I do, they will take ANY chance to go running off to authority to call the father useless, I do not blame her for being unwilling to put herself in that position.

Fighting you have a chip on a shoulder you're name says it all,not all SMs are treated like shit not all SDs are treated like shit either contrary to what to you think, theres positive stories out there that doesnt mean it's ok to degrade either parents role towards a child Male or female. I have a positive relationship with my childs step mother and my ex has a positive relationship with my husband we all coparent well, we are a team and are present in ds life.

Fighting, you've cropped up on a couple of threads spewing bile about parents. Honestly, I think you should step away from the internet for a bit.

Skids god you're a piece of work fighting thankgod you're not my childs sm who's actually a decent kind person and doesnt refer to him a shit stain

@iwannaseehowitends - as have you, about step mothers, can you say "hypocrite"?

@Snappedandfarted2019 - nothing you say will make me feel like a bad person, no matter how many nasty little insults you throw my way like they form part of a valid argument. I am here on behalf of the women you vicious BM's spit vitriol at on a daily basis. And, for the record, good relationship or not, you have no relevance in your ex's life, whether you like your childs SM or not is completely beside the point and she does not require your approval.

@Snappedandfarted2019 yes, thank goodness for that. If you were the BM I had to manage week in week out, I think I'd drink more

i purposely do not try to say anything to her kids
poor kids. i'm not suprised they see their dad so little when dads new partner ignores them purposely.
You def shouldn't watch the kids, you've chosen to make yourself a stranger to them.

Given how little the kids have contact with Dad, for that reason alone he should be the one taking care of them.
I have SC's (and like them a lot) but I never took sole care of them, unless in an emergency, during school holidays or weekends. That's their parents responsibility, not mine. Happy to help, but I was working full time myself and wasn't taking time off to do this.

Fighting please quote me. I don't recall saying anything particularly awful about step mothers. I've certainly not been on threads calling people witches or vicious.

No she does require my approval fighting there was never approval needed however what we do have is mutual respect for one anothers role something you lacking in you're own life, the way you speak to strangers when they quite rightly point out that it is extremely disrespectful refer to any parent as bio who is actively parenting their child. You clearly have issues with you're step childs mother however I wonder if you guilty of contributing to some of those issues given how abrasive you have been to posters in this thread.

@snapped - Awww, you just cant help it, you are desperate to hurt me arent you. Its kind of you to concern yourself with how much respect there is in my life but I'm just fine, dont you worry. kisses. Look, there is absolutely nothing I have said that is anymore disrespectful than the way you all speak to step mothers on here, I mean, I feel its weird that I'm having to make this point again, when you are picking your own little fights with me from my original post. If it specifically hit a nerve with you enough to spend your day pointlessly bickering with me, maybe you need to have a think about why. I have nothing against you personally, I have something HUGE against this site owing to the way it allows members to treat each other, especially those that could be particularly vulnerable. You are not better than anyone else here that needs help, you just remember that.

And just remember fighting you are no better than another else here who posts, just because you think you have an attitude and think you can shout the loudest doesnt make you're opinion right. Do step mothers get a bad rep yes sometimes do, do step fathers get under valued of course, however that doesnt give you the right to deem any parent status if they are Male or female they are mam or dad theres no bio. It's clear you're brewing for a fight as pp said its probably best you set away and evaluate why that is.

I just want to add my husband has been a fabulous step parent to my son for the past 9 years, so I am in no way anti step parents

Again, its lovely of you to try and recommend I go away, like you have some sort of say in the matter, but dont mind if I politely do as I like. I think i have an attitude and think I can shout the loudest? Does this mean anything or am I missing the point? One person cant fight themselves, you seem to be giving it a good go, but lets face it, the whole premise of your argument is the dispute of the letter "B" in an abbreviation... Maybe YOU should step away from the computer for a good old fashioned evaluation of course, I wouldn't be so rude as to insist you do.

You have a lovely motherly day.

You are not important simply because you birthed a child
According to you, the BM (personally I couldn't care less about being called BM or M alone) is e pe gexfo act up if the father can't which mean that the BM doesn't just give birth but is expected to step up if for whatever reasons, her ex can't. In the case of OP, it would seem the BM has bee doing a lot more than just give birth considering her ex acts as a father only 4 weeks out of 52. It seems to perfectly correct in this instance to say that yes, the BMis more important to the child than his father who prioritise work over spending the little time he has with is child.

What has this to do with the fact you are telling OP she should babysit his kids in this instance? Are you telling me that because OP's partner doesnt see his child much, it is OP's job, over the mothers, to babysit? I still dont understand the link? If dad cant do it, mum should (and vice versa), no step parent or any other member of society should be expected to do it on either on their behalf. Any societal expectation of step parents is a step too far. I do whatever I want for my "step" kids, I certainly will not be told I owe them anything, I dont. Anything they get from me (and dont start implying they dont because im such a terrible person with an opinion) is a bonus, not a given.

You're the one who mentions expectations. I have never expected my OH to look after my children. Indeed, I agree that moving in together didn't mean him taking on a parental role.

However, I'd be quite upset if on rare basis I'd ask my partner if he could look after my kids so I could do something asked by my job, he said no way because it wasn't his job.

It is not that I expect him too but that it is part of our relationship that we support each other. No different to him asking me a few times if I could take his mum to medical appointments because he couldn't take the time off. It is not expecting me to do it dropping everything to suit him, it's being kind to eachother because his mum and her wellbeing is very important to him.

@swing - Yeah, I tend to find my OH soon starts bringing out the "support" or "team work" rubbish when he wants something of me as well. My OH is fantastic, but lets face it, most parents think the wants of their kids far outweigh the needs of the person they purport to love and cherish. Support is one thing, expectation of free childcare on behalf of both of the actual parents is another.