Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

Here we go again! You know very well what posters are going to tell you, you are not stupid so why are you posting? I'm starting to think you are completely fake and the whole story is made up. Maybe studying and using this as part of your dissertation?

Anyway, response can be summarised by 'your boy is not his priority. He can see him in the morning and celebrate with him then. It can then explained to him that he has to go and see his girls in the evening hence why he won't be there' but that's clearly too obvious of a response for you and him to come up with!!!

By the way. had to laugh at the seeking advice from the courts, another obvious outcome: they'll tell him to stick to the visit arrangements before he can consider making demands. He's changed the day to suit him, then cancels to prioritise his other children (one who is not his). Does he really expect to courts to be sympathetic? If so, another deluding moment!

Your son is 4. Celebrate his birthday on another day, he won't even know.

Ex may have had plans for Fri off or with kids on Sat he can just change plans. She was understanding of medical emergency but not other children's birthday that is reasonable.

Christmas isn't a Fri so why would you have them? A few hours visit if practical but that would be it.

If he can't manage a trip during your son's birthday how will he manage to pick up or drop off on Christmas day?

Why?! Why are you still posting this stuff up? He should be prioritising his contact with his girls, I'm sure he can leave the baby's side for 1 day! And I'm sorry but his step son's birthday is not more important than the contact with the girls.
A court would laugh you right out. He has no legs to stand on.

Take your selfish dp and your stupid over analysing money worries else where.

That poor ex wife and those 2 girls... I feel so sorry for them

He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly

Haha. Seriously? He's the one who messes them about, cancels contact, fakes injuries, had his daughter sleeping in a cupboard. His ex WANTS him to see his kids, what does he think a court order will say? That he can do whatever he wants whenever he feels like it?

Last time you posted, the ex was completely understanding about the cancellation due to the hospital stay.

Pretty please let us know what court says to you, in fact can you go on a tv court show? I'd pay good money to see what they said to the pair of you firsthand.

Of course your partner should cancel on his children for the reasons you have given!

Where did you envisage his girls sleeping at Christmas? Is the landing big enough or would they be on the kitchen floor?

Shouldn't cancel! Bloody typos.

Good spot Lunar!

However we were due to see the girls tomorrow and as we are in hospital overnight again with our boy we can't go up, the ex wife has been lovley and understanding about.

I guess OP had to try to make the ex a villain for this thread because otherwise she is absolutely reasonable about not wanting her children messed around yet again.

I have still stated in this post that she was understanding, when he first messaged her she said she was annoyed but then messaged back saying she understand. So I'm not painting her as a villian. With regards to Christmas I was not menaimh Christmas Day I meant the Christmas period. Originally we were going to have them 28th for the weekend as it was our Friday but she has now said she wants them to stay there. They would be sleeping in the lounge on ready beds. This house is carpeted not oak wooden floors like other house so they will be more comfortable. With regards to court; he is trying to apply to be given overnights again. So having them Friday-Sunday overnight once a month and then our other weekend to have them we visit the Friday.. and then a set amount of time pre arranged for school holidays so that we can get time booked off with work early enough, he will use two weeks of his holiday for when they are down and I will use two weeks at another time of year, so then we stil have our two weeks for when we go away so he has time off prioritised for them all.

I feel it's massively unfair on my son to have him miss out or change his birthday just because The ex wife can't swap. I think his mum is going to speak to her and try and sort something. His mums been really good this week, she's got their hair cut and sorted out their head lice, and took them dentist this week as we expressed our concerns and if she could help as if we say anything we are 'just picking faults' the other week we couldn't take them to visit family which meant our youngest son missed out because they were riddled in headline and the family have now asked for us not to visit if they are as they then have 6 kids they have to try and treat, which is understandable. I know these happen but there isn't much we can do to treat them in the car in between picking up from school, dinner and then home again.

How many times in their lives has he prioritised his own children's birthdays?

@lunar1 considering he lived with his eldest for 8 years and the youngest for 4 years they were always prioritised and he's even admitted they spoilt them too much and that's why the always expect so many toys now. We don't get to see them on their birthday as their mum usually makes a plan so she asks us to do something with them when we visit them so we do.

I feel it's massively unfair on my son to have him miss out or change his birthday just because The ex wife can't swap

In normal circumstances I might agree with this. But the problem here is that your partner has built no good will with his ex. He has been appalling at sticking to contact or prioritising the needs of his children so why would she feel inclined to facilitate him letting them down again? He is disgraceful tbh. And the fact that he lived with them for 8 and 4 years just makes his disappearing act even worse.

Your 4yo has his own dad and has a relationship with him. Shame on you for letting him call this loser "daddy" and wanting said loser to prioritise your son over his poor daughters yet again.

It was his choice to call him daddy. We kept correcting him and he kept saying no mummy he is daddy. It is perfectly normal for kids I know a lot of kids who call their step dad dad daddy etc: for a while he hated going to his own dads and it's been rocky. We all get on now and he is happier and likes seeing him but is still adamant he has two dads. It's not like my partner is saying he won't see them he is just simply asking to move the day by one day still same weekend etc if he was saying he wouldn't see them ag all I would understand her being pissed off, but everyone needs a bit of give the odd occasion, my sons dad has done so much and things have happened but I am adult enough to put it to one side for the sake of our son. It's my birthday and I had popped a soppy message on Facebook as I have had a amazing present he bought a ring with the boys name and birthstones on and I then get a message from the ex wife: and it's just so sad.

So it’s really important that he sees his step son on his actual birthday even though he doesn’t see his own two girls on their actual birthdays??!!!

Not you again. Yes, it's unreasonable for him to sack off his children because it's his step-son's birthday.

Do you expect to get a different response each time you post the same tale of a shitty father?

The only people it's "so sad" for, is his daughters.

It doesn't matter that it's changing arrangements by one day. The message is loud and clear - "Even though Daddy barely see us as it is, he would rather spend our one day with someone else. We will always come at least 4th in the pile"

You're both beyond pathetic.

I don't know why I read, but I'm like a moth to a flame. I'd love you know how the cost of a bloody ring was justified within your insane budget.

And if you don't want pissed off texts from his ex spoiling your birthday then block her and get your useless partner to communicate with her. As it should be. As has been suggested a million times before

I feel it's massively unfair on my son to have him miss out or change his birthday just because The ex wife can't swap

Your oh is NOT your child's dad, end of. If you wanted your boy to spend every birthday with both parents you should have stayed with his father or have another baby with a man who didn't have children already.

When are you going to accept that your children are not more important or special than these girls? They might be to you, they are not to his ex and shouldn't be to your OH. He has 3 children who he should prioritise and one SC who he should treat fairly and kindly but not ahead of the three others.

It's not unfair to your son because he is not owed to have your OH there next to him all day on his birthday. He will have him in the morning and that better than what a lot of kids have when one of their parents work away.

Your attitude towards your kids entitlement will do them no favour. They will grow with the same sense of entitlement to attention that you seem to have. You really need to growcup emotionally for anyone's benefit.

Why isn’t your son seeing his actual dad on his birthday?

Why have you only given her a weeks notice?
Why cant the girls have your bed while they stay and you sleep on the sofa?
Why aren't you having them to stay every other weekend rather than just seeing them for a day trip each Friday? Presumably they're in school so its only a couple of hours a week?
In that situation I can see why shed want them with her at home for Christmas, it's more like a visiting uncle relationship than parenting so wouldn't make sense to spend Christmas with a relative like that over a parent.

but everyone needs a bit of give the odd occasion

Again, in normal circumstances yes. But not in your circumstances when your partner does nothing but 'take'.

Everyone is entitled to a birthday treat, just as much as the boys are entitled to theirs and Christmas and the girls also to Christmas presents. I am working extra hours now so we have more in our budget as I have managed to sort an agreement with childminder which means I'm not paying for all the extra hours for our youngest. Plus rent on our new house is cheaper. I have just rung through a chunk of my spare holiday for the year to give us money for Christmas and birthdays.

The girls no it's not them coming second best at all because they know there has been times when we have had to not go to something if my sons as we have had their school plays or sports day. So they know their is times they have been priority. I know this would all be easier if we lived closer because we wouldn't have such a distance in between but I am not uprooting everything I know, our jobs to live in a town with his ex wife and his family who don't give us as much support. It's my family who's been a. Guarantor for us to move, my family that lent us deposit until we get ours back from other house, my family that always babysits, my family that helped us move. We have been offered to pay his mum train fare for her to come down and have the kids whilst we clean the old house ready to hand the keys back and she said she won't. She's bows retired so she doesn't have work. But my boys are coming second best with her!