Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

Sounds like your ex turns up every week though, and doesn't fake injuries to get out of contact unlike your prince.

Basically you want the girls out the picture and your ex so you can ply happy families together with you’re precious boys

Oh OP I’ve read many of your threads and not commented. This is beyond horrendous. Put yourself for one minute in sm shoes. Cutting Maintenance by more than half to £56 a month...for two?! You are a mother too you know how much things cost... Your story about not sure if your finances will add up yet on benefits...taking money off your family? Anyone with any decency would prioritise payment towards children first. Grow up see this manchild for what he is; a complete waste of time and start having a tiny bit of moral backbone. You are going to be complicit in scarring these poor kids mentally for life. And fgs whatever childcare you have to get do it and make your partner get a full time job! My partner has suffered trauma in his past sadly probably by most people’s standards even sadder than yours but he goes to therapy at weekends; he works full time and he recognises his responsibilities. You are either suffering from chronically low self esteem and worth to realise what a waste of space he is or you are also as bad as him. Criminal those poor poor girls.

Isn't this the bloke who spends more money on coke (the drink) then on maintenance?

He has got it made, minimum hours of work and subsidised by op and family and receiving treats like holidays and attraction parks on top of that. Just don't ask him to take the train or contribute to his daughters. It was obvious he never moved out despite telling the ex that maintence would be reduced because of that.

I do not know why or how anyone contemplates marrying someone with children and then going on to have children. The op illustrates the madness of that. However what's done is done.

You are certainly within your rights to tell those kids off for hurting their baby brother and talking with mouths full. They're taking the piss. Not their fault though, it's a difficult situation.

I would never call another woman to pay a penny for my children. I totally disagree with her asking you for money.

It's shameful behaviour. She should deal with the father of her children.

It's like someone mentioned their father was cutting them out if his will because their stepfather would leave them something.

It's ridiculous to expect non parents to provide financially for your children.

Her issue is with him. You have really good supportive parents I have to say.

I honestly think you could do way better than him. He really doesnt bring much to the table.

He's the kind of man to lower your stabdard of living.

Please encourage and support your eldest having a relationship with his bio dad.

@SandyY2K I have done nothing but encourage my sons relationship with his dad and will continue to do so: he was amazing when we lived together they best dad. Unfortunately has got tied up with someone younger with no kids and no really understanding. All I can do is keep pushing like I have been.

@HiHoToffee he did move out, and he moved back last week. We have no bottles of coke in the house now and he is living by what I expect in terms of things such as not asking constantly for spare money for crap etc.

Yes I am lucky my parents are so giving. The holiday is birthday and Christmas present though as I would rather that than crap for the sake of it. He has to
Keep the money aside when he gets paid for maintenance and to visit the girls and transfer me to rest so he has to be responsible not to spend it. I think this would
All just be easier if we lived closer but I am not uprooting the boys from my family at the moment

Are you scared to be on your own OP?

Your ex is such a crap dad, yet you go out drinking and socialising with him and the fiancée .

They all saw coming, OP.

Like making sure to take him to the ça to get a much as you can. Maybe he and his girlfriend can do anything with him because they can't v afford it.

Oh the irony of seeing everything one directionally how it suits.

@spacefighter I'm not scared to be on my own at all. If his girls didn't exist so take away contact, money all those issues he had. He is nothing but the best dad and the best partner to me and the boys. The little things he does, he does so much for us and can be so so amazing. The only unfortunate is the wag things have become with the girls and how bitter the ex is. I truly believe if we paid her £1000 a month and visited more she would still be difficult: she said to his mum all she wants is him to move back
To their home town and see what happens. She has completely alienated his mum against him now who told me the other day I should be feeding my kids less and buy more value stuff (some of the stuff they like they don't do as value and the youngest is her grandson ) and i shouldnt go on holiday and give the ex wife all the money from my parents foe the holiday. So as you can imagine I'm a little tired.

@youbrokemytwatometer we go put once a month to discuss our son because when my son made himself ill about his dads house and social services became involved his dad has the ultimatum and my lawyer told me I could decide what I want with contact. So I have given him the chance, I asked for mediation but he asked for the monthly meetings. And it's working at the moment. He choose to go csa so we didn't have to discuss money. And he can afford to because he lives with her mum and they pay little rent. But I am doing this all for my son!

Snapped, I believe Op can take as many hours as she wants to. It is her right, especially if it benefits her own children, her own family. She isn’t Mother Teresa; she wants to is improve life of her own family.
By law, partner’s income isn’t counted, I believe. It is black and white.
Again, it is hard for me to imagine this situation, as we don’t practise blended families, and I wouldn’t put my own children through this, just to be with a man with problems like that (I.e. ex wife, kids etc).

... or who isn’t financially stable

He moved 2 hours away from his DC, contrives to pay as little as possible to support them and you say he is a great Dad!

Oh give over, you're bleating on on other threads about how you all get on so well, how you were going out to celebrate their engagement. Or was that just an excuse to make a favourable comparison with your DP's ex?

@youbrokemytwatometer never heard of keep your friends close and your enemies closer? It's exactly why I am doing it! The more and more I can be apart and encourage them and send them message about our son the more he will hopefully become the dad he was again. It's all a game to get the best for my son: and I'm
Sure most woman would do the same if they were able to to help make sure their kids get what they deserve

I would be so ashamed to admit my partner was such a waste of space but you sound quite proud of what a failure he is.

Its all a game.

Says it all really.

@ftfoawygtfosm what would you do if your sons dad was doing the same and being the same. Would you just sit back and allow it or would you do everything in your power for your boy! As that is all I am doing I am getting the best I can for him
Out of his dad and step mum: there is nothing wrong with that. He deserves the upmost best so yes if I have to be extra nice to him and his fiancé then I will to make sure I can get my son back the relationship they had. And I think it's so sad that my partners ex won't do what she can and tries to be bitter. Being bitter gets you no where

You're spending £600 for each child on Christmas presents? Are you serious?

My kids deserve positive Male role models in their lives. Not a lazy payment dodging liar.

The absolute cheek of you to call her bitter when you are scheming with that shit to neglect his children even more. Awful fucking people.

So he fucks off across the country. Doesn't see his daughters for months. Moves in with you, has another kid.
Dodges contact. When they do come you make them eat only the cheap food and save the good stuff for your kid.
One kid sleeps in the fucking hallway while your kid has a castle bed.
Then you moan on here about her being angry with you two fucking off on several holidays without a thought for his children.

And now just as he was apparently building his relationship with them you are scheming to neglect them even more.
Even his mother knows what you awful pair are.

He is only a good parent to your children because he is in your bed. Once it is properly over he will do the same to you. And you fucking know it. That's why you are clinging on to this dirtbag, so you can prove he loves your sons more.

Jesus fucking christ. There is Sms on this board really struggling with the perception of stepmums as horrible. Well they only need to have a look at you.

You split up for about 5 minutes because you would have more spare money.

Don’t forget that bit Oswin