Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

If he’s only working 16 hours per week and cutting maintainence to almost a quarter of what he usually pays, surely his priority should be providing childcare and stability to his daughters who he’s neglected, rather than just being there for your kids?! Maybe their mum can pick up extra hours to make up for his incompetence if he can do pick ups and drop offs etc.

@Prettysureitsnotok he lives 2 hours from them, it's not possible for him to go up constantly. It's £48 a time on the train. We already pay our £70 a fortnight for him to go and see them every other Friday.

Sounds like he’s going to have to find a way of making more money so he can be a half decent dad then 😂 honestly. I feel terrible for those girls. Soon enough they’ll be old and wise enough to realise he’s a piece of crap and then you won’t have to worry about them inconveniencing you any more.

You haven’t got the job. Yet.

@ftfoawygtfosm it's pretty much mine. The assistant is leaving end of November, so I am just finalising a few things with my manager. It's a promotion from duty manager to assistant manager. Contract should be sorted by end of week. So it gives us time to then sort how work with hours. I

@Prettysureitsnotok I think it's pretty unrealistic to expect him to go up there several times a week to look after them when they have their mum and step dad.

All I want is my original post answered and helped with. Irrelevant of me, him, maintainavw paid. What would anyone suggest to say to her when she is constantly doing this with money at school gates etc. Its embarrassing for my partner to say to them he hasn't the money plus it's not down to him.

Do people like this really exist and think it’s an acceptable amount bloody £56 a month for two kids talk about scrapping the barrel

My ex has lived with 5women in 10 years, all of whom were happy to be with him whilst he paid £0 maintenance. It is very common. I can ne er understand why people are surprised!

Fucks sake. Now he is going to be neglecting his children even more. But that's OK with you right. As long as he loves your children you are happy. Be honest you would be happy is she stopped contact and disappeared.
Fucking awful.

Do you mean how to stop her ambushing him into paying for things?
He needs to talk to her about it. Is she struggling to make ends meet?

And I have secured every other Friday off to take him to see his kids so actually that is crap he will still see them.

So completely at odds with your previous statement about needing to be 100% available in your new role, hence the necessity for him to cut his hours?

I think it’s pretty unrealistic to expect his ex to raise his kids with £6.50 a week from him for each of them. If you think this is fine but his ex doesn’t, why doesn’t he give YOU £56 a month and the rest can go to his kids that he can’t be bothered to parent in person?

Crazybird2018 Op is trying to take majority of the hours so her dp works as little as possible which reduces the maintenance towards his dds. They have carefully worked the situation to their best financial advantage not his dds they don’t disappear because he’s had a new family. In cases like this the dp income should be counted just like the NRP step children are counted in maintenance payments this would stop a lot of NRP becoming sahp or going part time.

Some countries also inforce maintenance payment for example America and you can be sent to jail for failure to pay.

Goodness! You life is a mess!

I think it's pretty unrealistic to expect him to go up there several times a week to look after them when they have their mum and step dad.

Oh so it’s ok he doesn’t need to parent because they have their mum and step dad. He doesn’t just get out of being a dad and it’s his fault inregards to travelling as he bloody moved away!

Where’s he going to get the money from to pay your petrol ? You know, you said he was going to pay the petrol if you took him up and down.

Why are YOUR family subsidising this man?

@youbrokemytwatometer I will be completely flexible except for 2 days a month! But the rest of the time I am flexible and completely flexible which is what is required.

@Snitzelvoncrumb yes. After the first time she did it for the club of £100 he said to her she can't be doing that allowing him to turn up and demand payment from him she should have arranged it beforehand. But to have done it again this week it's feeling like
It will become a regular occurrence.

I'm not saying he isn't to be a parent but realistically where would he find the money to go up several times a week, plus that completely doesn't help the fact the boys need someone at home. He still rings them
And visits. I bet none of you have a ho at other dads who live far away. You would applaud them for visiting. I think twice a month is pretty good with the distance as I have friends who dads lived a distance and would only see them holidays.

God forbid any of you find yourselves in dire needs

@ftfoawygtfosm that will be coming out his wages, he will pay his maintemvw and keep the money aside for fuel and food and the rest of the wages will need to be paid imto our account

It wasn't £100 though, was it?

We got here and she sent him a message asking him to tell her school that the youngest is attending after school club and breaksft club next week. Which he has done and then they said he owes them £53 for it as she told them he would pay.

Not saying it's fair of her to do that, and I don't make a habit of searching previous posts, but experience told me you were exaggerating.

I bet none of you have a ho at other dads who live far away. You would applaud them for visiting. I think twice a month is pretty good with the distance as I have friends who dads lived a distance and would only see them holidays.

You truly are a scumbag op on top him bearing seeing them he won’t even be efficiently supporting them financially. I hope karma gets up but it sounds like you’re just a meal ticket.

If you keep dumping costs onto the ex wife I expect she will continue to dump costs on you two, it’s only fair

@youbrokemytwatometer this wasn't for
The after school clubs (that was different she ended up transferring him the money to pay at the gates.) this is a club she does after school some karate thing I think.

Well, who moved?

Am I missing something? They're not her kids!

Her bloody H is entirely responsible for this and, yes, the OP is enabling him. I don't think it's her responsibility at all to pay for his children whatsoever. The matter is between her H and his exW.

For the love of God, he needs to get off his arse and provide for his kids.

So he goes to see them for a few hours every second Friday and one of the DD's goes to karate club or similar at the same time?

How old are you? I’m beginning to think this is a load of made up shit and you are being a goady fucker.