Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

No S21? You still have ample time to find a 3 bedroom house then. Funny though as you are already assuming that the only option will be to get a 2 bed house. Do you really think people can't read behind your intentions? That it would you suit you perfectly to get a 2bed council house. Cheaper and more security, who cares that there won't be room for the girls, you'll be able to say that it's not your fault that your LL evicted you and that there was no 3 beds available. How convenient.

Practcal solution if you were to move to a 2 bed house, boys stay in their room, girls sleep in your room, you and partner sleep in living room.

@swingofthings our current rent is £700 a month, we have found a 3 bed but it's £875. We cannot afford that massive jump in price when we already struggle, we will be constantly looking but for the moment with the landlords attitude of it suiting him is staying long (when he knew before we moved in this was a possibility and it was unstable for the kids) why should we line his pocket. Council housing would be good he's because it would be cheaper meaning that we had more spare income for visiting the girls and we can always apply for a home swap for somewhere bigger. It's not a issue, the girls as we said will have the boys room when they stay and we will send the boys to my family. We can get bunk beds for the boys which they can then use too, it's better that than them sleeping I the lounge. But for the sake of the odd overnight I don't feel it's easy to find the extra £175 for what a few nights a year. It's being practical xx

If it's so easy for the boys to stay with family what was with the cupboard? Why aren't you already doing that and having the girls over?

A 2 bedroom will be fine.

You and your Dp can sleep on a sofa bed in the living room , the boys can have one bedroom and the girls another.

Sorted. You are welcome .

Oops I see HihoToffee just suggested that. Great minds think alike.

@MinorRSole because I don't feel it's fair that the boys get kicked out of their home
To be honest, but if we are moving to smaller needs must. My dad is retiring from the fire brigade soon so he will be the one having them and he hasn't been able to before.

Sofa bed defiantly sounds a option when er can afford to buy one which we can save for once we have moved

You must be exhausting in real life op.

When will your boys get to see their sisters then? Why the dramatic sending them to relatives when you can just give the girls your room/ sofa bed in living room/ put the boys in with you for a few nights a month?

I don't think I've ever come across anyone with such talent in justying that their selfish actions are not selfish but for the good everyone.

Whether you are actually truly convincing yourself I'm not sure but you are convincing no one here. Maybe thats why you post, with a deluded hope that someone will believe your caring intentions and as such helping to believe it too when deep inside you know you only care about you and your boys.

Does anyone remember the woman who had three boys and a stepdaughter that was like this over uniform and rooms? They had limited funds but she wanted to buy a cheap uniform for her SD and branded for her son even though they went to the same school. She had a cock lodger of a ‘partner’ too.

I do wonder what happened to her, she was so resentful and sad. I think she took her problems out on the SD.

I mention it because this OP reminds me of her

I remember her LASH, her partner was abusive and in turn she emotionally abused the stepchild. Last I remember she had split with the partner, I hope for everyone's sake it stayed that way.

First MIL is retiring so she now can cook for you instead of McD, then DF is retiring so that he now can babysit the boys, how convenient all these people helping you out so the pair of you don't have to take adult responsibilities.

Any reason why you and DP can not give up your bedroom for the odd overnight?

Op, 22/10/18, 6.25:

“Plus I don't mind spending a little more on the boys because they only get one Christmas whereas the daughters will be getting two. So it makes it a little fairer.”

Op, today, 9.52:

“They all get the same spent on them from us at Christmas”

You need to get yr story straight love

swing i had the exact same thought as this:

“Funny though as you are already assuming that the only option will be to get a 2 bed house. Do you really think people can't read behind your intentions? That it would you suit you perfectly to get a 2bed council house. Cheaper and more security, who cares that there won't be room for the girls, you'll be able to say that it's not your fault that your LL evicted you and that there was no 3 beds available. How convenient.”

Is this still going on?...
Leave the OP alone - she is beyond help and understanding.
Just sit back and wait 6 months. Because There will be a NC, but we will see her go through it all on the other side soon enough

LASH38 I remember can’t remember her usernames but I think she ended up leaving the relationship thankyou for the poor stepchild involved.

@Lovelife12345 You are perhaps the biggest roaster I have encountered on MN. Honestly, please do everyone a favour and keep on top of your birth control. Your delightful partners ex deserves to be awarded a gold metal and a lifetime of happiness for putting up with so much crap from you and your delusional husband. Can you imagine the atrocity of hearing your child come back home and saying to you, “Mum, Dad has gave me my own cupboard to sleep in”. For fuck sake, I’d be bordering homicidal.

@Snappedandfarted2018 @LASH38 it is the same person ladies.

Do you think so? If so she’s altered her story from three boys to two boys and only one step daughter it takes a lot of planning . I don’t actually think the kids exist simply just a bored individual. I did wonder if this was this poster was the woman who got pregnant had an abortion then had another baby whilst living in the exs house with her dp and he was trying to get her to dress up in his ex’s clothes and he had a ordered put on him by the ex for harassment.

I don't think it's the same person, that OP (needsaholiday and 3cheekymonkeys, or something like that) had a consistent story and specific posting style. All her boys were also her partner's and he had his daughter 50-50.

Surely not. Her children would be a lot older now. At least 1 was of school age? And as others have said, 3/2 kids instead of 2/2.

@twistedstitch yes I recognise those names. She just stopped posting didn’t she?