Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

He needs to buy a new xbox first, he sold his one remember? And xbox games cost the same as a pair of Clarks shoes.
How convenient that his mum can now start cooking for the lot of you, hope you and your partner are showing your gratitude.

And just because the girls prefer a burger over a home made sandwich doesn't mean you have to give in, but I think your partner also prefers is big mac over a cheese sandwich, easier to blame the girls ofcourse

Jesus take the wheel!

*after we have paid lots to visit them
*
You mean after your partner has returned to where he abandoned them, to pretend to be a father for a couple of hours?

And let's be clear, as for the "we", they'd probably much rather never clap eyes on you. Your resentment of them is ripping out you.

Why do you come on this board? Every thread you have descends into chaos. We all disagree with you on how your layabout child man treats his children. He must have a seriously magic penis for you to stay with him. Do you even realise how ridiculous you sound getting cross over a bloody burger and drink. My dsd had been eating adult sized meals since she was 10. Wait till your darling boys are bigger and theyll eat you out of house and home too.

oh wah wah his dd wanted a 1.89 drink. remind us all how much he was spending on fizzy pop while you were supposedly skipping meals?

and yes it is a ball ache visiting children when they live miles and miles away. he perhaps should have thought of that when he moved away and started another dynasty of unfortunates.

Where were they supposed to eat this picnic on a Friday evening?

In the Car park of McDonalds probably, Op seems to like show the girls 'What they could have but what they are not getting'.

In the car park whilst watching through the window as OP's boys dine with Ronald McDonald himself.

I despair!

Sorry for not replying sooner I have been at hospital with our baby. @lunar1 we could have gone to the park for the picnic or for a woodland walk etc as many other posters suggested as it was their suggestion to do a picnic.

I come on here as I do feel areas of improvement needed and I have tried at times and we all need a place to rant about stuff. And sometimes I don't feel the background is necessary if a woman who never posted cane on here and said the ex wife was whinging about xyz she gets defended but just because of history in ours and we have improved on bits we will always be slated.

However we were due to see the girls tomorrow and as we are in hospital overnight again with our boy we can't go up, the ex wife has been lovley and understanding about.

Sorry to hear about your son, it must be a really worrying time for you and I hope he's better soon.

The reason you get slated on here is because you clearly resent his girls and treat them very differently from your children, plus your partner doesn't seem to be able to put their needs above his own. Then you seem surprised that his ex wife is annoyed by it!

The endless round of days out, treats, meals etc that your boys get when you then complain about £1.89 for a drink in McDonalds is enough to make the most reasonable person cross!

You say you are improving and learning, but then in another few weeks you will be back on here ranting about the girls and ex wife for some trivial reason and not seeming to get it at all! 🤷‍♀️

You get slated because you are a control freak who play your immature and lazy partner like a muppet. You make decision that clearly benefit you and your boys without seeming to care what impact it might have on his girls. You think it is OK because ultimately your OH depends on you in every way so it is rightful compensation that you should be prioritising your needs and that if your boys.

Your oh is going along with it because it suits him he is work shy and lazy although he convinces himself that it is not his fault because he is depressed. He complies himself in this hopeless role because its is so much easier than having to accept responsibilities. That's why you've found each other so well suited.

What is a farce is both of you trying to justify to yourself and others, including strangers, that your choices are justified and for the best for everyone. You both know deep inside that you are making decisions to suit yourself but can't just admit it because well, it doesn't make you very nice people and you are too proud to face the truth.

@Bluebell36 we don't have any more trips or days out now focusing on Christmas now. Our next big event is when we go away next year, but we are now saving to do Butlins with the girls end of next year. And we will be going up next Friday to see them instead of this week as we are looking like we are in hospital again tonight. Plus we have been evicted as landlord is selling the house (not a fun week for us.) so we need to be able to find somewhere to move. Looking like all we can get is a two bedroom though at the moment as there is no private rentals in our town going. And council said they could only offer us 2 bedroom house even if we have the girls EOW. So boys will have to share and we will need to figure something out for the girls. What yet I'm not too sure. Even if perhaps the boys stay at my families overnight and the girls have their room.

I just want a easy and simple life. We are going onto UC so that will make it so much easier for us to both work more without worrying how it will screw tax credits and we owe at end of year and will be prepared to take the hit on how much the csa May change. My partners work has said that they will try and fit some extra hours in each week for him as soon as I will get my rota which will help. Just hate the tax credit system where they don't assess your wages durn year and you get faced with a big overpayment that's why we have always been so careful.

From January it sounds like the MIl has convinced them to sit down and plan school holiday visits so we know for the year ahead so we should avoid the issues of This year. After spending last night in hospital life is to short

I very much doubt there isn't one three bedroom to rent privately within a 10/20 mile radius of where you live.

Maybe there’s a two bedroom with a large cupboard ?

Yet you go away on holiday with you’re boys and the girls get butlin paid by family from their Christmas money?! Bet Christmas is a joy for them when they see what you’re boys get to them! You get a good roasting on here because dispite the fact you name change you’re contempt for those girls comes out in you’re posts and indenfies you immediately. You get the same response post after post yet you continue. I think you thrive on the drama. You have never said one nice thing about those girls in any of you’re posts.

This is going back a good few pages now but £176 a month maintenance for two kids?! And you wonder why she tries to get him to pick up the odd extra - if she's fielding £100 bills from clubs his maintenance is chicken feed and you're calling her 'greedy'?!

You're fucking deranged.

MyKingdomForBrie She wants to reduce it to £56 a month such a pisstake

@swingofthings with my partners work starting at 3 or 4 am most days and him not being able to drive we do have to stay in the town we live in.. plus I am just applying for school this month and the youngest nursery so don't want to uproot as done so much research for this school. We will just have to wait and see. Landlord has told us we are being evicted but won't serve a section 21 for us to give council until house is sold as he actively said its beneficial to him if we stay until then so he doesn't have to go without the rent.

They all get the same spent on them from us at Christmas. But we do seperate Christmas days as they spend Christmas Day with their mum and we tend to have them for Christmas Day when my son is at his dads so we can focus on them.

@Snappedandfarted2018 It won't be being reduced his manager has agreed that she will do his rota late so as soon as I get mine she will adjust his accordingly and be flexible if I get called in so his hours shouldn't drop too much. I can still be flexible: he will have 16 hours as a standard because boys will be in nursery and his extra he will work around me: which will probably be 2am-6am so it shouldn't affect the maintenance too much.

It's not that I hate the girls it is just taking a lot of getting use to, and it's a lot of reliance on me. And every suggestion I make doesn't always feel like it is every taken seriously when I am trying to do best for all

You really have no business being in those girls lives or really you’re waste of a space father. I don’t believe for a second they all get the same they don’t even have a bed or a space to sleep in that’s appropriate.

Are you honestly so deluded you believe that you're trying to 'do best for all'? You want to keep all his earnings and time for his new family and you'd be much happier if his old family just fell off the face of the earth.

You chose a man with children. It is not their fault that you did that. They are not greedy or grabbing or demanding or crazy, nor is their mother. They're scraping by their entire lives and living in chaos when they try and see their own father.

How can you be so totally self centred that you cannot see that?