Step parents and maintenance

[Anon197]

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

I wouldn't pay her a penny...but I don't know what the law is if you are married

By law she can’t ‘claim’ against my income.
Instead she is now trying to deny contact unless I pay for my step child while she is at her house

According law is he is responsible not you so she can claim money from him legally even if you have paid. So don’t get involved. Instead offer to have dss move permanently to yours to solve the problem - that should soon stop the unreasonable requests.

I’d carry on paying the maintenance if I could afford to but technically you don’t have to.

When my DH was out of work for a couple of months about ten years ago (before I knew him!) his mum took over the maintenance until he found a new job (she could comfortably afford this).

I guess it depends on the relative circs of the two parents - if she’ll struggle without the money and you can stretch to it then it seems obvious to me that it should be paid.

Get legal advice

You don’t legally or morally owe her a penny.

Can your DH not get some minimum wage temp work for the moment to pay the bills and support his kid? There’s plenty out there, just get him to ring round all the employment agencies in your area.

Duchy the OP doesn’t need legal advice. She is under no obligation to pay maintenance for a child that isn’t her own.

Even if you are married to your partner (the father) you have no responsibility to fund her or the children. The children are the parents responsibility, not yours.

Why should you pay your wage to her? Laughable...

Let her progress via the CMS. If your husband is out of work I think she’s entitled to something like £7 a month of his benefits.

I guess things must be tough for you. She’s not being supportive at all. Good luck.

Not pay her any of my money.

There was a huge thread recently with the OPs ex had become a SAHP to his new DPs child(ren) and wanted the DP to pay maintenance instead of ex. The rules still say no but the difference was he’d chosen not to earn and the only beneficiary was his DP while OP got nothing.

Your DP has been unlucky and is trying to find new work, at which point presumably he’ll pay maintenance again.

He and his ex are responsible for their shared child. Not you, her DP if she has one, or anyone else. While he’s not working and has no money he can’t give her anything. While you are earning you’re still only responsible for yourself and him if you choose to support him.

Has he signed on while job hunting? Does the ex work?

She can wobble all she wants. And the more she does it the less you’ll be likely to want to help her. But you still don’t have to give her your money.

Duchy Apologies, I just read the post about the mother denying access, I assume now you are referring to that.

OP you say your DH and his ex “share custody”, is this a legal agreement? If so she can’t just stop him seeing his child.

IF your partner isn’t working would he have his child more often? As a resident parent it can be hard to cope with a lower income when you’ve still got the same outgoings, whereas your partner has the same standard of living despite his job loss due to your income. Donut does seem unfair his child and his ex are the ones losing out from his job loss.

If she is denying contact because you won’t pay (disgusting behaviour) remind her that children are not pay per view and maintenance and contact are completely separate. If this went to court it would be frowned upon by a judge.

*donut= so it !!!

The two children we have together are under school ages so we need something that pays enough for us to afford full time childcare for them both.

We have suggested his child move here as DH is currently a SAHD. This was refused point blank

You are under no legal obligation to do so and I wouldn't. Your income isn't calculated as part of maintenance costs and it's sets a precedent. The same as she shouldn't have to pay for any children you have as they are not her obligation to do so. If she's struggling you could offer to have children full time if you are in a position to do so or your partner could find temp work to cover some of the income lost.

I can understand her frustration, suddenly her income has dropped as well. Possibly she is struggling as much as you are.
Is your husband able to claim contributions based JSA whilst job hunting?
If contact is court ordered she has to stick to it. Fingers crossed he soon finds a job

We don’t have the same standard of living, I am currently working as much overtime as possible to attempt to make up the short fall but it no where near covers his salary.

Maybe suggest your DH can help her practically by providing some of her childcare while he isn’t working?

Please do not pay the ex any monies from your wage ... The ex has no claim over your income ... the ex withholding contact is vile and just shows true colours. If possible make an application to court for the access... the ex won't have a leg to stand on. Terrible behaviour. Why is it always about the money?

We have suggested that since he is a SAHD his child could live here full time and we would not want any financial support from his ex.
She refused

I know you don't have to legally, but I would pay it. The money is for his child at the end of the day, and I wouldn't want his child to suffer. If I couldn't afford the whole amount I'd make a contribution as best I could and I would really be on DHs case to get another job.

Your h needs to get his arse out to work. Wtf should he be allowed to financially neglect his child.
Like fuck would my child be living with anyone who would avoid paying maitenance.

I can’t afford. We had a conversation when he lost his job and I said if I could I would. Then we received a string of messages branding me as vile and morally corrupt.

We have had to take our children out of childcare as we can no longer afford it, we have had to trim the fat in every way shape and form. Gym memberships have gone, phone contracts reduced, we don’t go out, I only eat at work so our food bill is less and we only do activities that are free or under £30 for all of us.

He’s not avoiding paying he lost his job and is currently looking for work.

Hang on you have totally made a u turn on your original post. How did he become a sahd from temporarily unemployed?

If he is a SAHD then should she place a court order against him, it is quite possible that after taking your existing children into account the court forces you to pay.