Step parents and maintenance

[Anon197]

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

As far as his ex her husband's ex is concerned, the op's wages should just be treated as if she isn't with her dh. In other words meaning it's none of the ex's business what the op earns and even more importantly she isn't entitled to a penny of it. The op didn't create the child so has no responsibility towards the child apart from when she is in their household. She has to support her own children everyday on just her wage so needs that money just as much as the ex maybe does.

Ffs I need to start proof reading!

God, there are some right bitches on this thread!

Op, I feel for you, you've been given a rough ride on here. You really can't do right as a step parent. It doesn't matter what you do or say, it's never good enough in the eyes of mumsnet.

I had a thread running recently and got hammered by the same people giving you a terrible time. They want the tiny ins and outs of every bit of your life in a bitter attempt to 'catch you out' on something. Instead of offering support or advice you just get a lynch mob.

Some people on here should be ashamed of themselves.

Quite simply if the NRP loses their income (as happened to us) then something has to give. Like you op, we cut back on everything and as I am disabled we had NO income at all and it took six months to sort benefits out. We survived on charity handouts and food banks. Life was horrendous. What didn't help was the unhelpful attitude of the ex who didn't seem to give two fucks that there were two children living in a house with no income, she was only concerned with her DD and how it affected the ex herself.

Personally my ex has stopped paying maintenance again, I have no idea why, he now pays approximately £4 after CMS deductions and I will never rely on any money coming from his direction. What's the point of getting angry over it? He hasn't the money so I don't get it for DD. Simply put, you can't produce something out of nothing. (and my ex is a cockwomble)

So I would really advise you to step away from this thread. Stop worrying about the ex, ignore her messages and take some time to regroup as a little family unit. Talk with your DH about the realities of his job prospects and see if there is another way out of your current situation.

Life can be utterly shit and I really do understand how stressful it is not having enough money to feed the family never mind support another family.

Hi there,

We just wanted to remind everyone of our talk guidelines, which involve being kind and respectful to each other and not engaging in personal attacks. We encourage robust debate, but we draw the line at anything personal, or beyond the pale.

Different points of view are always welcome, but if there's one thing parents and carers could always do with, it's support and understanding.

Lol just carrying doing what you can, your never going to please everyone, if she doesn’t understand that’s her is you can convince people to think another way! Especially as there’s to many places for them to hear that they are right ( family/friends NM/MN)

Ex wife ( and husband) aren’t important anymore so they try and make there kid the main focus! Fist norms more important how hilarious! My eldest would have a few words to disagree with (13)! He loves his (half )brother. My kids are all the same! And it makes me laugh when people say you know what you were getting in to! My exh has been nothing but chilled and friendly to my fiancé and his is a attention seeking drama queen! Request He give up PR when our so was born! Also said £400 a month for one child was lacking, CMS have granted £120.

Ps to all the women acting like you haven’t ever watched films or read gossip magazines or heard friends moan about their ex’s! You have to be away with the fairy 🧚‍♀️ to think that your going out with a perfect man! And then your shock when it’s over! That’s life and you did shit for it to end too! It’s very rarely ever one person fault!
Maybe women should be careful who they have babies with! Again it’s very rare the signs weren’t there! My ex husband cheated but I decided to believe the lies as I didn’t want to be alone and I was young. When he finally left I was crazy upset, but he cheated on me not his kids so he still saw them.

I keep saying it but you have to be really careful how YOU parent, I have 3 boys most likely one will separate from the mother and I don’t want him coming to me, upset that he can’t see his child and then realise I did the same! My best mate didn’t talk to her mum for years cause of that.
No one likes being controlled not even a child.