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Original poster

Step parents and maintenance

430 replies

Anon197 · 01/06/2018 15:58

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:11

pleasebeafleabite if you lost 50% of your income could you spare £100 a month?

OP posts:
TeddyIsaHe · 01/06/2018 22:12

Why can't he work when you're at home? If you're working a 9-5 or similar, he could easily pick up shifts doing barwork in the evenings (it's the absolute right time for it at the moment, everyone is looking for staff for summer) whilst you're with the kids. It would only be temporary until he's found a better role. That way there is no childcare worries, and you're not taking all the stress of trying to run the household on your own.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:14

The only time I don’t work is when we have my SD.
I am appalled at everyone saying “I wouldn’t respect a man that won’t pay for his child” you’re missing the point the ex is a mother who doesn’t want to work to feed her child.

That’s a disgrace

OP posts:
tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:15

It's utterly irrelevant if HE wants the child to live with him.

Child lives with its mother. Financial reasons aren't good enough for uprooting her. He hasn't fought fir custody before... why does he suddenly want it now? Don't fuck up a kids normality for your convenience

tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:17

Yeah sure she's at home starving her.

Hmm

Should have gone for custody if you had these serious concerns over her parenting.

You didn't

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:17

Now you’re just making assumptions. We have fought for custody before. We arranged mediation ex refused to turn up. We’ve suggested a drawn up custody agreement signed by both parties - she refused.
Everything we suggest gets refused unless it’s money

OP posts:
Pleasebeafleabite · 01/06/2018 22:18

It’s not “spare” money though is it? It’s his contribution to his child

Why does he not get jsa? Doesn’t it start to be paid 3 months after dismissal?

HappyLollipop · 01/06/2018 22:18

Everyone's sympathising with his ex but your in the same position if not worse as you've got two kids to support. Don't give her a penny of your wage she works full time as do you, it's totally unfair to expect you try to put towards her child when you've got two of your own to look after, I don't see her offering some money towards the up keep of your two. Tell her your both in an unfortunate position and your husband is trying to look for work but until then things are going to hard, everyone is just going to have to deal with right now.

tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:20

Sorry if you have such serious concerns over her parenting - social services

Not believing a word of it. I'm sure it helps you to sleep at night though.

Would keep me awake.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:23

tryharderrepeat so let me get this right, if your partner lost his job you would pay his ex?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 01/06/2018 22:23

Sounds like you have broadly 50/50 already, why would you fight for more??? I’m less impressed with every post. You need to respect and support DSDs right to a life with her mother too.

tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:24

Yes. Couldn't respect someone who didn't treat his kids equally.

But then I'm funny like that - prioritising children

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:24

So you guys would agree with me more if I left my husband so I could get money off his new bird?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 01/06/2018 22:25

“Sorry should a father not want his child to live with him?“

It’s not about what the father wants!!! Ffs!! It’s about what is right for his child. And she deserves a decent amount of time with each parent.

tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:26

Not sure how you don't get - your with someone who has 3 children. Not 2. You chose that when you got with him.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:26

tryharderrepeat so I should pay for my own children once and my step child twice?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 01/06/2018 22:26

No. We’d respect your husband more if he hadn’t left two women worrying and stressing about how to feed his children.

funinthesun18 · 01/06/2018 22:27

tryharderrepeat What exactly do you think the op should do? It's rubbish for everyone that her husband is out of work. His ex is just going to have to cope with it though just like the op is doing. What makes you think the op should try and cushion that for his ex and make it even harder for her own household as a result?

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:27

I pay for three children, I provide a home, food and clothes for all three of them here.

His ex has one child she should provide for her child

OP posts:
tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:28

No you should pay for all children your partner donated sperm to create.

It's that simple

The law is on your side. Not something I could morally live with however regardless what I thought of the mother

NeverTwerkNaked · 01/06/2018 22:28

Anon, all we are saying is that spare money you could “stretch” to to feed DSD if you got what you wanted and had DSD “full time” should instead be offered to her mum as at least a contribution. Because it seems there is spare cash if she agrees to barely see her child, but not otherwise Hmm

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 22:29

Once again do you think he’s enjoying any of this? You all sound like you think he’s enjoying being jobless, like he thinks it funny that he can’t pay maintenance. When he can he will, he always has.dont tar his with the same brush as your dead beat ex

OP posts:
tryharderrepeat · 01/06/2018 22:29

@funinthesun18 yeah I think she should suck it up

She's an adult. They are children.

Childrens needs trump the convenience of adults

If I have 2 kids - I'm not just going to feed one am I?! It's that simple

NeverTwerkNaked · 01/06/2018 22:30

funinthesun But Op seems prepared to find the money to pay to feed the child if she lives with them “full time” but not otherwise. That’s patently hypocritical and not in the child’s best interests.

funinthesun18 · 01/06/2018 22:30

No you should pay for all children your partner donated sperm to create.

She is doing. All 3 of them. She's just not giving money to the mum of one of them.

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