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Original poster

Step parents and maintenance

430 replies

Anon197 · 01/06/2018 15:58

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Zampa · 01/06/2018 18:24

I make it 169 days - (137)+(392). That's a fortnight a year under 50%.

LiteraryDevil1 · 01/06/2018 18:27

So basically he shouldn't be paying any maintenance and she's a cheeky cow. He should speak to the CMA child maintenance options people and get advice but I'm sure he won't be expected to pay anything even when working.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 18:30

LiteraryDevil1 According to CMS if the father works and has the child 6 nights a week but their address is registered at the Mothers house they still have to pay a weekly amount.

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil1 · 01/06/2018 18:35

Really?? I've not known of that before. Living costs are equal so don't get how that works. Crazy system.

funinthesun18 · 01/06/2018 18:42

That is crazy. If the child is living with the father 6 nights a week then surely that makes him the resident parent and the mum should be paying him!

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 18:46

The system is built on the beilef that mothers are superior to fathers.
It’s only within the last few years that fathers have been seen as parental figures, and there is still a long way to go on that front!

OP posts:
TodaysMostPopular · 01/06/2018 18:49

She can't stop access but she will, same as some fathers can't stop paying CS but do!

I think this whole situation is BS.

If you take a guy on with kids, you take the kids on too. Financially and emotionally.

LiteraryDevil1 · 01/06/2018 18:50

I'd get a reassembly done ASAP in light of him not working. And then again once he is working.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 01/06/2018 18:54

If they share custody then he doesn’t need to pay maintenance surely?

Is it 50/50?

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 18:55

TodaysMostPopular I am supporting my step child financially, they are fed and clothed when they are at my house. I also pay for all activities and birthday/Christmas presents.
Should their mother not do that for them when they are in her care?

OP posts:
funinthesun18 · 01/06/2018 18:57

If you take a guy on with kids, you take the kids on too. Financially and emotionally

Which the op is doing.

LiteraryDevil1 · 01/06/2018 19:01

Reassessment not reassembly!

NorthernSpirit · 01/06/2018 19:21

@TodaysMostPopuar - legally absolutely not. A SM does not take on the financial responsibility for children not hers.

You can see on this board who is an actual SM and who’s an EW. I’m sure those EW’s would be happy to support their ex’s should they fall in hard times.

I’m a SM. Thanks financially contribute to the household (in fact more as I earn more than my OH). But would I pay his EW his child maintenance if he fell on hard times? No I wouldn’t because they are not my children and they have 2 parents who contribute. I work my backside off. His EW chooses to work PT. apparently all mums who work are bad mothers. There is no way she woukd get any of my hard earned wages. Maybe she can get off her backside and work more hours.

greenlanes · 01/06/2018 19:29

Anon - why are you surprised that the mum would not want her child to move to yours? This should be a temporary short term situation. (I saw the other thread about the DP becoming deliberately a sahp - that doesnt sound the situation here at all). Your DP just needs to speak honestly and openly to his ex who deserves to be treated fairly and decently. I imagine she is probably very stressed.

However some of the comments on this thread are just uber-bitchy.

swingofthings · 01/06/2018 19:34

OP, is your OH a teacher? Otherwise, confused how he could be looking after her during all the holidays?

Also, you didn't respond to the question about being made redundant.

The irony here is that you claim to have 50/50 custody but that you don't think you should make up for your OH losing his job. Yet if it was the child's mum losing her job, would you expect your OH to up his maintenance to make up for her loss of income? The government considers that resident step-parents should take over the responsibility, yet you don't think you should, even though you are trying to make a case that you have -almost- 50/50 residence.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 19:35

greelanes He tried talking to his ex but instead of accepting the fact that I am struggling to keep our family afloat I was called a multitude of names and threatened.
The abuse towards me hasn’t stopped either it’s has now gone on for a couple of days

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/06/2018 19:35

I also pay for all activities and birthday/Christmas presents
So how long has your OH been out of work? Surely Xmas was months ago when he had a job and therefore could have afforded to pay for his child's own xmas present.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 19:35

swingofthings so who pays for my children?

OP posts:
Viola82 · 01/06/2018 19:36

You don't have any obligations to pay anything and I personally wouldn't especially if you have two small kids yourself!
She also can't refuse father to see the children when it's his weekend/day. If that would be the case he can go to the police with court order and they should assist with executing.
I can't believe how selfish she is though not allowing father to see the child..

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 19:36

Even why he was working I did all the Christmas and birthday shopping.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 19:39

And I’m response to “claiming to have 50/50” we take alternate weeks holiday from work during the hols so he has the kids half the time and I have the kids half the time.
If his ex wants to take time off to spend with her child then that’s fine she can keep her during that time

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/06/2018 19:48

swingofthings so who pays for my children?
I have two children. They dad don't pay maintenance. He's in and out of jobs and I have long given up trying to get anything out of him. I earn a good income and can managed myself. However, what if I lost my job tomorrow? I've just taken on a new role with a new employer, so all I would be entitled to is JSA. Who would pay for my kids then? My husband, despite the fact that he doesn't anything close to a father relationship with them. As it is, he doesn't have children, but if he did, it would make no difference, he would still have to find a way to pay.

Personally, I don't agree with it. I don't think Step Parents should be liable for anything, but what I don't agree with is that one is expected to be fully responsible whilst the other not at all.

I'm guessing from you not responding to the question about redundancy that he did get some, but doesn't want to give his ex anything from it as legally, he doesn't have to.

swingofthings · 01/06/2018 19:49

Even why he was working I did all the Christmas and birthday shopping
Well that's between your OH and you, nothing to do with the ex. If you had the choice to tell him to pay for his own kids.

Original poster
Anon197 · 01/06/2018 19:50

He didn’t get redundancy. He’s currently going through an unfair dismissible case

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/06/2018 19:53

So surely he hasn't yet lost his job and is still being paid? In which case, why has it stopped paying already?