Will they ever accept me?

[niteandfog]

My boyfriend and I got together via an affair (were not proud of it) but well what's done is done. His children know how we got together and the DS absolutely hates me his DD seems ok/ambivalent about the whole thing. I've told him at last his DS will never ever accept me and that we can kiss the "blended family" dream good bye... I just would to here any stories where the kids actually ended up accepting the ex AP as an actual step parent.

Enough people have tried explaining it to you niteandfog, you are unwilling to take it on as it doesn't suit your agenda.

No... He didn't get caught and then left... I was in the middle of all the mess and he actually did leave first then got caught. I started to get harassed after he got caught which was roughly a month later. He left 10 days after I moved out.

Oh gosh, sorry. What a Prince.

So you weren’t screwing behind your partners back?

He spun you a line. Talk to his “ex” and get her to tell you the date he left vs the safe he got found out.

Are you honestly stupid enough to believe him?

If any of this is true, well then you are just the worst kind of person.

You are frighteningly devoid of any understanding or empathy. I pity your daughter.

You are frighteningly devoid of any understanding or empathy.

Couldn't agree more. You come across as cold, unfeeling and uncaring. I think that's why people are struggling to sympathise with you. You don't need to have been cheated on to have empathy for another person or have some sense of another persons heartbreak.
You just seem like an awful person who doesn't give a toss about the destruction you leave in your wake. As long as you are happy and you have your man then fuck everyone else.

*In other news he’s meeting my mom on Sunday!
*
What part of that sentence is looking for understanding? What is there to understand about that?

You posted it in your usual gleeful, smug, manner, same way as you post about your DD liking him (!), etc.

Your happiness clearly comes miles before ANYONE else in this situation.

Anyone decent causing this degree of upset to a father/son relationship would walk away - not simply “offer” to, knowing the scum bag wouldn’t take you up on it.

I was in the middle of all the mess

Well I guess that bit's true.

I don't know why you think I don't sympathise. I get that it's the most hurtful pain. Especially when she suspected it for months and when he made it semi obvious for years that he had a thing for me. But what's done is done . There's nothing that can amend it. I just hope she finds some solace from all the heartache I partly caused. And he left then got caught it was only after he got caught that I was publicly shamed in the village.

She suspected for months and he made it obvious he fancied you but didn't have the balls to tell her the truth.
Waited until you were completely available and then went slinking off and still didn't bother telling her the truth.
Waited until he got caught to be honest with the woman he married.
He sounds like every other cheating cunt I've ever come across.
You have no idea what a cliche you both are.

Especially when she suspected it for months* and when he made it semi obvious* for years that he had a thing for me.

You love this, you absolute snake.

Yeah the way he did things is s bit different to mine. I told.my exh within weeks. My ex at least understands that my now boyfriend had no real.role in our marriage breakdown apart from being the trigger. The truth is that I'll never know how his marriage really was... I do know the timeline he mentions does make sense. So at least the origins of his previous relationship do add up

@niteandfog, I haven't read all this thread but did give you my experience at the beginning. It seems to have lost sight of the fact you asked about children accepting you.
I don't agree with all the stuff on mn about men being bad dads if they leave a marriage. On here it's OK to tell people to leave unhappy marriages, but God forbid a man leaves because he met someone else.
Children are going to be unhappy and upset when their parents split whatever the reason for that split.
So I don't think your bf is a bad dad for leaving an unhappy marriage.
However if you want this to work for you all in the long run please please stop looking for answers and a quick solution.
Let your relationship with bf develop separate to his children. Respect his time with them, allow him time to process everything and let those poor children come to terms with separated parents.
I'd stop trying to force meetings or blending, and keep a very low profile for at least a yr or two.
He needs time to rebuild his relationship with his children and the two of you trying to make everyone one happy family is going to backfire as his kids can't cope with that yet.
Let them be... Let him have his time with them, don't be there, don't intrude on this time, and try to just enjoy your new relationship as two adults.
If you and here work out then in a year or so maybe he could suggest to kids about meeting you.
I didn't meet my dsds for two years and I still look back on those first two yrs as in one way being my special time with dp. We dated and had trips together and were a normal couple for half the week and then went our separate ways to be fully present parents the other days without distraction.
Try to step back op.. For the children, for your bf and for your own sake... Your building an unnecessary stress and drama onto a fragile embryonic relationship

jellybean thanks for your long reply. I've actually stayed just completely aside. His poor children know of me because of the other circumstances but I've never even suggested they have to meet me. I've only said if they're ever curious about me (as they hear about my existence 24/7 via their mom) then I'm more than happy to meet them. In an ideal world I would have like to bother timelines of our respective children meeting each other to have been roughly similar but well it hasn't worked that way. But I do think I have to back track a bit regarding my daughter regularly seeing him. We go out on "dates" like any other couple. I do hope we can all eventually get along. We truly make each other happy.

I was going to ask for a divorce this past January. I couldn't live in misery anymore, but wanted to air for the holidays to be over. My now boyfriend came out of not and then simply there was no reason to wait anymore.

His wife is going to have to accept that she lost him. Similarly, he'll have to accept that he has lost his children, at least the way they used to love, probably thinking he was the most amazing man in the world. Now at best they will see him by default.

Different things to accept, but he doesn't get to demand that they love him no better that she can demand that he goes back to him. Something self-centered and egotistic people never seem to understand that what is the way it is for others is also the way it is for them.

i think this is nonsense and you are a weirdo with a humiliation/scolding fetish. sorry not sorry.

You can't undo the damage the affair caused, the ball is in those children court not yours! All your boyfriend can do now is grovel and hope that his children one day forgive him but I wouldn't hold my breath on that happening. he chose you over their family how can you expect them to get over that?!

swing what you said actually makes a lot of sense. And it's true

Francis my sister doesn't hate me.. she just said that I had to right to.moan as that's what I get but getting involved with a married man.