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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Will they ever accept me?

372 replies

niteandfog · 19/04/2018 23:02

My boyfriend and I got together via an affair (were not proud of it) but well what's done is done. His children know how we got together and the DS absolutely hates me his DD seems ok/ambivalent about the whole thing. I've told him at last his DS will never ever accept me and that we can kiss the "blended family" dream good bye... I just would to here any stories where the kids actually ended up accepting the ex AP as an actual step parent.

OP posts:
imsoshiny · 30/04/2018 17:44

Op I think you and your bf shouldn't give in to his sons demand of him leaving you.

You've come a long way and deserve to have happiness and it's not like you're trying to move the whole family in together and force them to be siblings.

He needs to accept you are here to stay and support his dads choices.

Your daughter seems very well adjusted and just wants you to be happy above all else and clearly likes your new partner.

It's probably their mum making out you are the catalyst to all their marital troubles. They will grow up and realise she has manipulated them out of jealousy.

What do you want to happen now?

TawnyPort · 30/04/2018 17:48

mostof it has been the vague "put the children" first

nothing vague about it, but you have no intention of putting any of the children ahead of you and your sex life, so you pretend its vague and impossible rather than admit that you should be doing exactly that.
Why not have a moment of honesty and just say that your adulterous relationship is far more important to you than your children, and thats that?

naebotherpal · 30/04/2018 18:04

I see you’re new here imsoshiny...

Wanting her mum to be happy isn’t the same as being well adjusted. After all, maybe she knows that if mum’s new relationship doesn’t work out, mum is considering going back to California without her.

The daughter is being manipulated into approving of mum’s ridiculous choices. And it’s quite creepy how the mum is so gleeful about the daughters perceived approval .

Ladymadness · 30/04/2018 18:18

imsoshiny are you op but name changed to try turn the thread around ?

All of the advice given to you op has been ignored that is why you are getting these responses. Take some time to look at your situation through others eyes like his ex and the children really and truly think about what you and he have done. When you have done that you may have a different perspective on all of this.

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2018 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
niteandfog · 30/04/2018 18:33

I've done everything in my power to help him apart from breaking up with him, which I think is one of the suggestions. I lend him my car to take his DD on days out. I lend him the money to pay for maintenance! He has paid me back, but still. I've moved my school run around so his ex never has to see me (apart from unfortunate situations). My ex is being the wonderful dad he's always been terrible and abusive husband but great dad which is why I think my DD overall is in a much happier place

OP posts:
mamahanji · 30/04/2018 18:37

How about acting like a normal healthy couple and not moving in together after a month? How about dates every other week and kids not meeting for many months.

Instead of love sick teenagers who don't care who they hurt in their weird obsessiveness.

Ladymadness · 30/04/2018 18:44

terrible and abusive husband but great dad so he was abusive to his ex? Abusive partners are NOT "great dads" Honestly do you think he wont do the same to you after the "honeymoon period" ? I am honestly worried for you op i may have told you to fuck the fuck off but seriously you are putting yourself and your dd in danger! And i think you may need some mh help im not saying that to be a bitch i genuinely think that you made need some outside help away from this man

Original poster
niteandfog · 30/04/2018 18:49

My ex husband is the abussive one not my boyfriend. We haven't moved in together true he lives with me part time unofficially but that's it. And well we could yes go on dates every now and then but what's the point when we're sitting in different rooms by ourselves a few blocks away? Again my DD originally met him by chance. And she doesn't know about the live to California

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2018 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2018 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
niteandfog · 30/04/2018 19:39

My boyfriend looks to me like a good dad but I wouldn't know as I've never actually seen him interact with his kids offline. My ex is the one who is a great dad. And wouldn't say he's live in... Yes he spends around 5 night in my place, do his laundry, he cleans the house,does the shopping... But he doesn't have his own section of the closet nor his own drawer or anything like it... Obviously it's moving towards that but I wouldn't say he's officially moved in.

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 01/05/2018 16:36

it wasn't down to 'chance' that he was in your house at the same time as your dd. it was a choice. yes yes i know, you are going to come back and go 'but my dd was in bed and she literally never ever gets out of bed ever' because that's what you do. but anyone remotely normal, sane and/or sensible could wait to get shagged until their young dc was with the other parent, particularly if that's 50% of the time.

grow the fuck up and own your shit.

and i am not sure i entirely believe in this controlling abusive husband who is suddenly amicably co parenting perfectly healthily with his separated wife and the bloke who cuckolded him. sorry i just do not. one way of another you are chockfull of shit, and your other threads prove that.

OfficerVanHalen · 01/05/2018 16:37

*or

swingofthings · 01/05/2018 17:03

I lend him my car to take his DD on days out. I lend him the money to pay for maintenance!
Well he does sound like a catch, having to borrow money for his girlfriend to pay maintenance. That alone would have made me think twice. What's next?

Original poster
niteandfog · 01/05/2018 18:46

FYI he doesn't come over to shag we for the most part just cuddle and hang out... We have enough evenings on our own to have sex .... Anyways if you read the very very old threads you'll see how my exH was very abusive. And as a couple (my boyfriend and I) are here to support each other! So I'm happy to help him with his money issues and he paid me back within days.

OP posts:
waterrat · 01/05/2018 20:16

If this is for real - you need to back off from each other and let the children get used to their parents breaking up before you commit any further.

The most terrible thing you have written here is that your partner said he wants to put you first in case you don't stick around - he is a parent. He has chlidren and their feelings and emotions should be his priority. He should be prepared to risk losing you in order to protect their emotional wellbeing.

Please let the children recover from the break up before forcing any sort of 'new family ' on them.

Look around at adults who suffered family breakdown as children - it hurts for years if it is not done sensitively.

Original poster
niteandfog · 02/05/2018 10:15

waterrat but surely that would mean breaking up with him as I've already offered to distance myself so he can do something about his kids. In other news he's meeting my mom on Sunday!

OP posts:
mzcracker · 02/05/2018 10:40

LOL you seem like you want people to happy for you?

Original poster
niteandfog · 02/05/2018 13:41

Not really... But some understanding would be nice

OP posts:
Smeddum · 02/05/2018 13:44

But some understanding would be nice

Genuine question, if you fail to consider other people, fail to consider the impact your choices have had on them, and fail to have any empathy at all towards the wife and children who are suffering as a result of the choices you and your partner made, how can you reasonably expect anyone to make any effort to understand you?

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 02/05/2018 13:46

You are a different kind of batshit crazy.

mzcracker · 02/05/2018 13:55

I'm sorry I have no understanding of your situation coz iv never fucked another woman's husband and then sat back and watched him treat his kids like an afterthought.
Wouldn't happen. So no ..no understanding.

Original poster
niteandfog · 02/05/2018 13:56

I can't have any empathy as I have no idea how it feels, she has my sympathy though. The kids situation is a very difficult one, again my DD seems pretty fine but his aren't. I had no idea how they were supposed to react when all of this started, in fact it all became worse in his attempt of making life easier. I'm not happy for how it happened but I don't hunk there's much to be done anymore ..

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 02/05/2018 14:00

I’ve read all of your threads. The basic summary is:

1)You’re married with a daughter (I don’t say dd because I don’t believe anyone who treats their daughter as you have considers their daughter “dear”.
You met your current bed warmer through a hobby. Then, “naturally”, you grew closer.
You slept with him behind the backs of your husband and his wife
You think you love him and you (mistakenly) believe he loves you.
It’s a platonic affair.
Oh, no, wait, its occasionaly a seedy shag and you both go home to your spouses
You leave your husband, but, (shocker) he doesn’t leave his wife.
Oh but wait, THEN he leaves his wife because he got found out ( I mean, seriously, op, he got found out as oppose to leaving. It’s not as though he chose you. Are you really that grubby?) grim.
You and he carry on with this seedy arrangement (btw I think you are utterly delusional if you think he is only screwing you)
Your daughter “accidentally” meets him. His wife tells their children that their father is a seedy dick and shockingly all his children hate you.
It’s all peachy, you’re occasionally sharing your bed with a cheating scumbag whose children hate him. You have to lend him money and your car. Score.

You’ve lucked out.

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