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Original poster

Step mum woes...

191 replies

Saem12 · 18/03/2018 20:02

Hi all. A little background before I start. Me and my fiancé have a 9 month old son together and he has 2 children from a previous relationship. A boy aged 3 and a girl aged 5. We have the children every other weekend. When we have the children we always do really fun days out and try to make the time we have them as enjoyable as possible. By the time they leave I am exhausted! I do ALL of the housework in our home as my fiancé is so untidy... anyway this weekend just gone they kept saying how much they wanted to ‘go back to mummy’s house’. They have said this quite a lot before but particularly this weekend. It can feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth sometimes when you’re running round after them like a blue ass fly but hey ho that’s kids for you! But this weekend it really got to my fiancé and he was really upset about it. I don’t know why but it kinda frustrated me I was thinking are me and my son not enough to make you happy. And it feels like he takes time with our son for granted and wants to put him to bed early all time. If he was so upset about not seeing his other 2 children as much, then why isn’t he making the most of spending time with the child that he has got more of the time.

Furthermore it sounds awful to say but I am really not fond of my step son. It’s like his presence just irritates me. He’s naughty and is always taking toys off my son and making him cry. (They all have plenty of toys here and are not short of them). He said he doesn’t like my son (he’s 9 months old) and is always saying my son is trying to hurt him etc. It winds me up something rotten. I just wish he would bloody disappear. I know I sound horrible, evil, nasty etc. But I can’t help the way I feel! I wish I could be more tolerant of him but he drives me insane! I feel so overwhelmed all the time and wonder what the hell have I got myself into. I need to be more mature and just think ‘he’s a child’ but I can’t! What’s wrong with me!

OP posts:
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Ember12 · 20/03/2018 14:46

Maybe hes feeling jealous and insecure does he have any alone time with his father? Or are you and your child constantly with them?

BoobleMcB · 20/03/2018 15:09

Oh wow. It's almost like you're trying to come across as as awful and wicked step-mother like as you can.

Your emotionally assassinating a 3 year old! 3 year olds are fickle at best and will say they love/hate anything and anyone in a heartbeat for no real reason. You need to get over yourself. Or feed in another bit of information to get more response.

mnhq must be monitoring this!

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 15:35

I wish they would have some alone time with their father. And bugger off so I can get some bloody peace! But my fiancé always wants me there. I don’t think he can cope with them on his own. But I’m starting a new job in which I will be working every other Sunday so he will then have to have all 3 on his own.

OP posts:
NotAllTimsWearCapes · 20/03/2018 15:41

so he will then have to have all 3 on his own.

How come you can leave him on his own with all 3 in this situation but couldn’t let him have his son EOW if you separated? What’s different?

Il have to part with my son EOW and I don’t like the thought of him being alone with my fiancé and his half siblings. I’m worried that my SS will be even more mean to him when I’m not around.

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 15:44

Well it’s only 11-4 on a Sunday. Bit different to a whole weekend. Il be there in the morning and after 4pm

OP posts:
Ember12 · 20/03/2018 15:47

What is ss doing to your child that makes you worry about leaving him?

Ember12 · 20/03/2018 15:50

Why dont you bugger off for a few hours?

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 15:55

And leave my fiancé with my son and the other 2? Or take my son so it’s easier for him? If I take my son my fiancé won’t let that as it is splitting all the siblings up and creating a further divide. And as I said he can’t cope with all 3 and wouldn’t appreciate me buggering off.

OP posts:
Ember12 · 20/03/2018 16:04

So its acceptable for your child to have alone time with him for 5 days a week but not acceptable for the 2 sc to have a few hours once a week? He clearly can cope if your willing to go to work and leave him with them all?

Dancingmonkey87 · 20/03/2018 16:04
Biscuit
Newsofas · 20/03/2018 16:07

My god you are nasty to your partner’s kids. I think you and your son should bugger off. You know it won’t get any easier don’t you?

Hypothetically what would you do if their mum became very ill and couldnt look after the kids and they come and lived with you and their dad for a period of time or for ever? That is the reality of step kids.

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 16:07

He doesn’t spend any time with my son on week days. And not much time of weekends either. He works for himself and goes to work before we’re up and gets home when I’ve put my son to bed

OP posts:
NotAllTimsWearCapes · 20/03/2018 16:08

Of course he can cope! He is a parent of 3 children, that involves parenting them alone at times. What sort of person has 3 kids if they can’t cope with them?

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 16:09

Why won’t it get easier out of interest? And if if they came to live with us full time then I would hot foot it out the door. I don’t want to raise someone else’s children full time and I’ve been honest enough about that

OP posts:
Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 16:10

Well good point why did he have 3 children if he couldn’t handle them. I don’t know. I do know that all 3 children were not planned. He’s not going to get father of the year award I’m sure of that.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 20/03/2018 16:13

Why get with a man with kids if you despise the idea of them living with you full time so much? That is always a possibility with stepkids- something could happen to their resident parent and the other parent would have to step up.

Newsofas · 20/03/2018 16:13

I will say it again - those poor kids - all three of them.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 20/03/2018 16:13

Well if we’re announcing who isn’t getting parenting awards....

Ember12 · 20/03/2018 16:17

Why on earth are you marrying this man? Are you hoping it will come down to us or them? If he does choose you which no real man would then this poor children (including yours) deserve so much better!

Original poster
Saem12 · 20/03/2018 16:20

‘Newsofa’ how dare you say my poor child. I suppose your the mother of the year are you and your life is perfect. I somehow guess it isn’t. If you don’t like what I’m saying then fair enough. You need not look or comment on my posts.

OP posts:
Ember12 · 20/03/2018 16:24

So no-one can say something about your child but you can say viles things about your partners?

swingofthings · 20/03/2018 16:34

I do know that all 3 children were not planned
Well here you go, this what happens when you decide to have children with a man who didn't plan for them. It's easy to just accept the situation, not so to deal with it... so he isn't... and somehow you are now having a fit because what was obvious would happen from the start is now happening!

PixieDust100 · 20/03/2018 17:06

The last weekend we had them my fiancé’s asked SS ‘do you not like your brother’ and my SS said ‘no’. ‘Why’ he asked. ‘I just dont’ Was the response.

HES 3 FOR FUCK SAKE!! What is wrong with you, are you expecting a different reply from a child!

And your partner can’t cope on his own with all 3 kids but he can when it suits you on a Sunday when your going to work. Hypocrite! Of course he can cope with his kids if he can do it for 4 hours on a weekend.

Iv never felt so sorry for anyone’s kids before as reading your posts and having you as a step mum. I even feel sorry for your own kid having a mother like you.

N2986 · 20/03/2018 17:24

Hi op. This is a bit of an iffy topic I'm afraid. If I'm honest when my DD was 3 she was a nightmare- it was a living hell in our house and she is my biological child! Three year olds can be horrific. I was often told she didn't like me and wanted to live with Grandma etc. After about six months she mellowed out and is now a delight (thank god)

Must be a million times harder is they're not actually your child. You need to try not to take his rejection personally, chances are he's just looking for a reaction from someone. I'd take a step back personally and try and facilitate your SS to have some one on one time with his dad. Id keep being nice but not a doormat. Your oh needs to step up and you need to give dss the benefit of the doubt. Chances are he'll change as he gets older, you may never be super close but he should get easier (probably just in time for dsd to rebel or your ds to hit the terrible twos)

Good luck and remember the threenager stage doesn't last forever (and certainly isn't personal even if it stings!)

laloup1 · 20/03/2018 17:32

OP
It’s time to get some real life support. Please print this thread (before mnhq delete it) and take it to a counsellor.

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