Step mum woes...

[Saem12]

Hi all. A little background before I start. Me and my fiancé have a 9 month old son together and he has 2 children from a previous relationship. A boy aged 3 and a girl aged 5. We have the children every other weekend. When we have the children we always do really fun days out and try to make the time we have them as enjoyable as possible. By the time they leave I am exhausted! I do ALL of the housework in our home as my fiancé is so untidy... anyway this weekend just gone they kept saying how much they wanted to ‘go back to mummy’s house’. They have said this quite a lot before but particularly this weekend. It can feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth sometimes when you’re running round after them like a blue ass fly but hey ho that’s kids for you! But this weekend it really got to my fiancé and he was really upset about it. I don’t know why but it kinda frustrated me I was thinking are me and my son not enough to make you happy. And it feels like he takes time with our son for granted and wants to put him to bed early all time. If he was so upset about not seeing his other 2 children as much, then why isn’t he making the most of spending time with the child that he has got more of the time.

Furthermore it sounds awful to say but I am really not fond of my step son. It’s like his presence just irritates me. He’s naughty and is always taking toys off my son and making him cry. (They all have plenty of toys here and are not short of them). He said he doesn’t like my son (he’s 9 months old) and is always saying my son is trying to hurt him etc. It winds me up something rotten. I just wish he would bloody disappear. I know I sound horrible, evil, nasty etc. But I can’t help the way I feel! I wish I could be more tolerant of him but he drives me insane! I feel so overwhelmed all the time and wonder what the hell have I got myself into. I need to be more mature and just think ‘he’s a child’ but I can’t! What’s wrong with me!

Like I’ve already said it wasn’t a planned pregnancy! We didn’t throw another child into the mix on purpose! But anyway shit happens! Would you say the same if they had another sibling on the way from their mothers side. Probably not! Step mum bashing again! And so what if their father met someone else and had a baby. He’s entitled to his own life and happiness as well. Children have to mould around adults lives. If you make them number 1 all the time they will end up self centered.

makes me laugh all the people saying 'its all about you'

well surely, in life, we are entitled to think about ourselves?

if these were op's own kids driving her mad you'd all be telling her to go on a spa day and let daddy pick up some slack.

sounds like he's a bit useless to me, and he probably does prefer his 'other' kids as so many dads do. its the guilt. it doesn't go away.

Most people would say the same thing to any ADULT saying such things about a innocent child!

WopYa adults have choices, children don't have any say in what their parents inflict upon them. Of course kids can be annoying. I think resenting the existence of a toddler and attempting to create doubts about paternity goes far beyond that, into extremely worrying territory.

And absolutely I would say the same thing (and have done on past threads) if their Mum shacked up with a man and had a baby immediately before ensuring her existing kids were okay with it.

Thanks Wopya! I totally agree. If I say to someone that my own son has been driving me up the wall today, no one bats an eyelid. If I say the step kids were driving me up the wall today, everyone jumps on me. What a horrible, nasty, evil stepmother. And your okay to do all the nice stuff like wiping their shitty arses and changing their nappies, but when you ask them to stop putting a lollipop as it’s melting all over your sofa, you’re a bad bitch again. Give me strength!!! Being a step mum is so bloody hard at times as people judge you so much! It’s thankless and soul destroying.

To the people saying I’m a horrible person, that can’t make you a particularly nice person now can it?

People are not being nice because you sound dreadful! Truly vile... blaming a 3 year old for exsisting.

And if you have done so well coming from a broken home then it doesn’t matter if your son comes from one so pack your bag and give your partners kids a decent life and fuck off

I do actually see your point about the chicken pox. It's very dangerous for pregnant women to be exposed to it when they haven't had it before. Very difficult situation and I honestly don't know how it could have been handled fairly for everyone.

But the general attitude towards your Dss is very negative. He's only 3 and just as innocent as your baby. I have a 3 year old little boy and he is barely older than a baby to me.

I didn’t create doubts about paternity! How could I anyway if my fiancé hadn’t told me?! He was the was expressing doubts, so I suggested a solution - get a DNA test. I must be the devil incarnate again!!!

If my kids drive me up the wall I think ‘ahh little gits’ I don’t start wishing he didn’t exist!

I don’t want to raise someone else’s
Children. I don’t like other children enroaching on my home, time and love and upsetting my sons routine.

This is vile. YOU are the one who has encroached on HIS life, he didn't choose any of this. Your attitude is a perfect example of the toxic behaviour so many children are subjected to by step parents. The damage this does was explained on a thread on here a few days ago. You shouldn't be anywhere near those poor children, I feel so sorry for this little boy.

God you really are so hard done by aren't you. None of your situation is of your making, you were forced into procreating with a man who had 2 kids, you had no responsibility to behave sensibly when blending families and it is all the fault of a confused 3 year old for daring to react negatively to the situation he was put in. Grow up.

Being a step mum is so bloody hard at times as people judge you so much! It’s thankless and soul destroying.

If something in your life is soul destroying then remove it from your life. Seriously. There are easier ways to live than being permanently resentful of a little boy who has to be in your home.

Why are you keeping yourself in this situation when you hate it so much? Who is that fun for?

Furthermore SS looks NOTHING like my fiancé, or my son or his ‘full’ sister. My fiancé seems to have very strong genes as his daughter and my son both look very like him.
Sounds to me like you do 'full' sister really? I have two blue eyed blonde haired fair skin children and one black haired brown eyed child with a darker skin tone both same parents not all siblings look the same!

I KNOW all children don’t look the same..... this is getting pretty snore now....
My fiancé raised his concerns with me about paternity. The way is his son looks was just another possibility that they weren’t related.

siblings I meant. Not children. Ha

Draw a line under the paternity issue. It’s no longer a question because your partner has decided to raise the child as his own regardless without testing. That’s the end of it. It’s done and dealt with.

You need to move forward treating this boy as you do his sister.

Do you actually want to make a success of your relationship and family? That’s what you need to think about. If the answer is yes then you need to drop the immature resentment of a toddler and change your behaviour and attitude towards him. That’s the only way This will work. If you aren’t prepared to do that then you need to be fair to everyone and walk away.

Maybe show the childrens mother/father this thread? Then that little boy will no longer be your problem

I wouldn't worry too much @Saem12 . Your fiancée is clearly a feckless waster, creating children left right and centre and leaving all the wifework of parenting them at weekends to you. He'll move onto his next family soon enough and leave you in peace. Are you financially independent from him or are you at risk of having to claim CMS from this man? Oh and denying paternity..nice

You need to leave this relationship. It isn’t fair on anyone. The father will have to pay you mtnce and will get 50:50 weekends. You see then how it then feels when he takes your son for the weekend. Your heart will break. But you will pray and hope that the father’s girlfriend will be kind and nice to your children.

I can’t believe I’ve read your posts. You sound vile - not as a step mother as you don’t deserve that title - but as another adult. I could cry for that little 3 year old and the mess all the adults around him have created. You say you are not a Mrs West..... very odd thing to judge yourself against.

But anyway shit happens!
Indeed, and the saying goes on saying 'and you learn to live with it'.

Except you don't want to live with it, you want someone to clean it up for you and throw a tantrum when they don't. If only life was so simple!

My opinion is still the same after reading your further posts your an arsehole.

As a mother of 5 sons and 1 daughter From age 27yrs down to age5 I feel so sorry for your stepson I really do your behaviour is not right he's a tiny child for goodness sake. He probably senses that he's not welcome and really it's not his fault it's the adults that should know better. If you didn't want to deal with you o h first born then you should have picked a child free man. Please sort yourselves out before you mess up your children's upbringing and it all comes back to bite you both on your selfish asses

If I was these children's mother and knew how you were treating the children the way you both do you wouldn't be anywhere near them sort your attitude out you sound very immature and need to woman up

And feeding doubts about the boys parentage is just troublemaking if there were doubts why is he paying maintenance and having visitations obviously he was sure then has it something to do with what you are telling him. I really do feel so sorry these children are dealing with this when they should be cherished the same as your child by him, you need to deal with this.