What an effing joke, not having posted on here recently - until this particular email from the Gods who are MumsNet!

[Tappergirl]

Hi Tappergirl,

We wanted to drop you a line about your posts on Mumsnet, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about them, particularly your posts on the step parenting threads. And when we took a look, we could understand why other posters thought they broke our Talk Guidelines (www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette).

We know that step-parenting has become quite a fraught area of the site, and that two opposing 'camps' of posters seem to have emerged. Our take on this is that everyone is welcome to post in the Step-parents topic - so long as they do so within our Talk Guidelines - and we'd really appreciate it if everyone concerned in the bad feeling could step back a bit and concentrate on the issues raised by each thread, rather than thrashing out ongoing disputes with other posters.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and we ask members to respect each other's opinions, even when they don't agree with them. We do understand that everyone can get a bit het up on the internet from time to time, but we'd be grateful if you could bear this in mind in future.

Step parenting is never easy, so we think a bit of peace, love and support wouldn't go amiss. And please rest assured that you are by no means the only poster we're contacting about this.

Thanks and best,
MNHQ

The tone was fine

There was nothing wrong with the tone, imo Amy.

stealth For whom are you speaking? Your own personal perspective, or collectively?

I think that's a good example of what MNHQ is referring to; opinions are being stated as facts, which implies that those who do not agree with the facts stated are wrong.

The OP is not wrong to feel the way she does - any more than MNHQ were wrong to send the message in the way they did. It's a difference of opinion - but replies on this thread indicate that the OP is being harshly judged for the opinions she holds.

Tapper girl, anyone who struggles with their step children, or any element of step parenting, or who finds it hard to get along with a toxic ex - will generally get a hard time on this board at present.

But like most phases, it will pass, and sooner or later this board will revert to being supportive again.

Ignore those who antagonise you. It's worth bearing in mind that those who moderate these boards could be "first wives" who don't like "second wives" very much ......

What's the problem?

The tone's fine. The message is clear. It's relevant to you as someone who's made reference (albeit indirectly) to a previous thread and a previous dispute with a specific poster.

Patently others have been guilty of the same and have received the same mail, you've not been singled out. Arguably some posters on the SP boards, those who swear at other posters etc deserve far stronger emails but that isn't the case. This one size fits all which was sent out is measured.

I've seen worse from MN. Why the angst?

(NB: I'm not one of the people who received an email from MN.)

I suspect Stealth was speaking for herself. It's a discussion board. People post their opinions.

Oh God here we go again...'those who moderate these boards could be "first wives" who don't like "second wives" very much...'

What a crock of shit! Obviously it couldn't possibly be that tapper has been rude and aggressive to some posters and needed an email to remind her of the site's rules?

The fact that Tapper has posted this here in an attempt to stir up trouble, refuses to accept any responsibility and continually points the finger at anyone who doesn't agree with her, be it another poster or MN, really tells you all you need to know about her.

It is also my opinion that the earth is round
Come on. Any idiot can see that the email the op has posted is friendly, conciliatory and gentle. Making it clear they want the op to stay and continue posting.

Sorry pag that wasn't aimed at you. But I can't believe I'm getting a telling off for statin the bleeding obvious

Ok so maybe people would prefer mnhq stick to the facts

We run this site
We have rules
Stick to them or we'll ban your ass

And give up on the nicey nicey approach on a fridayafternoon or any other time of the week

Any idiot can see that the email the op has posted is friendly, conciliatory and gentle. Making it clear they want the op to stay and continue posting.

And those who don't read it like that are, by implication, worse than idiots?

Unlike MNHQ messages, not all the posts on the SP board are friendly, conciliatory and gentle. Some are derogatory in tone, language and implication.

pagwatch I admire your ability to assume the best in stealths post - unfortunately, as she has confirmed, it is her opinion that anyone who doesn't share her interpretation is of lower status than an idiot. It is the expression of opinions in such a manner as to belittle and demean those who hold a contrary position that stifles the "expression of divergent viewpoints" that MNHQ is promoting.
It's happened here a number of times recently - strong opinions have been expressed as fact (the earth is round) and when someone has the temerity to express a different opinion, they are, as is the case on this thread, compared unfavourably to "any idiot" or similar.

No I didn't say that. You are assuming a hell of a lot and I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
I,agile this is an English compeehension exam for year 6s. List descriptive words that explain the tone of the message. What do you think the right answers would be?
Which edifice bits were antagonistic I'm your opinion?

We wanted to drop you a line
We'd appreciate it
We understand that everyone can get a bit het up
Peace, love and support

Yes they really pulled no punches there

There's nothing wrong with the email, but you probably know that.

It sounds more like you feel it has been sent to you 'unfairly'. FWIW, I've never noticed you be particularly horrible in your posting style (you just come across as pissed off and unhappy about your family life/relationship), but for some reason the Step boards seem very polarised. If it makes you feel any better, I imagine that plenty of posters from the other side of the arguments have also received emails.

WakeyCakey, I am genuinely puzzled. You must be reading a different email than the one the OP posted. Perhaps you could highlight anything in MNHQ communique you see as anything less than friendly or even impolite..

I have no idea what's preceding this email, but surely its tone is fine?
This is a commercial site, there are rules (whether we like or agree with them or not) and you've been reminded of them.
Move on and accept the points made in the email, or leave MN (which is clearly NOT what MNHQ want).

There's nothing at all wrong with the email. It's politely asking posters to stick to talk guidelines.

And as others have pointed out OP, you can't say what you want on this site. You also can't say what you like on Facebook, Twitter etc etc. there are gulidelines and rules with all these sites.

meetmycat your entire post is a perfect example of the kind of nonsense that has lead to the board being as polarised as it is so I for one thank you for it.

I think *meetyourcats" post should be put at the top of the step parenting boards, so everyone can see what they're dealing with.

WakeyCakey, I am genuinely puzzled. You must be reading a different email than the one the OP posted. Perhaps you could highlight anything in MNHQ communique you see as anything less than friendly or even impolite..

Personally, I don't have an issue with the way MNHQ has written their email, but I'm quite prepared to accept that the OP does and wishes to express her opinion about it.

What I think is indicative of the nature of this board at the moment is the way in which some posters, not all, have expressed their own opinion on this thread about the email as fact (the world is round) and have directed derogatory comments (such as "any idiot can see" and "bleeding obvious") at anyone who doesn't share their point of view.

I wouldn't be as closed minded about anyones opinion - if someone came onto MN and expressed their opinion that the world is indeed flat, rather than round, I'd far rather engage in a discussion and compare contrary evidence than dismiss them as an idiot. What's the point of a discussion forum if I'm not open minded enough to accept that other people view life very differently to myself?

So you'd never be willing to challenge? I apologise for the idiot comment although I did not imply what you assumed (ie your opinion, stated as fact) I did. If an op presents and entirely reasonably (IMO and on this occasion i a, confident enough to state it as fact) email and suggests it is antagonistic, I'm happy to say they are wrong.

Tbh I wasn't making any assumptions about Stealth intent.
If you post on here it is your opinion. And anyone can interpret that as an opinion voiced or 'opinion expressed as fact'.

The idea that some people just express their opinion and that others are 'expressed as fact' is nonsense isn't it?

The whole board is full of strong opinions clearly voiced. How one interprets them is in the ones own head, surely.
Unless Peter Andre and an orange actually are the same.

I am also not sure that how one feels is sacrosanct and one must have the right to express it. Plenty of racists would quite enjoy that notion.

without constantly retreating to well worn battle lines like 'Well you knew what you were getting into' or 'he was their dad before he was your partner' and other such condescending pointless comments. If you are constantly on the receiving end of these comments , which tend to be like a broken record spouted to those us who really struggle with our SCs , then surely we should be equally allowed to 'constantly' counteract those remarks.