What an effing joke, not having posted on here recently - until this particular email from the Gods who are MumsNet!

[Tappergirl]

Hi Tappergirl,

We wanted to drop you a line about your posts on Mumsnet, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about them, particularly your posts on the step parenting threads. And when we took a look, we could understand why other posters thought they broke our Talk Guidelines (www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette).

We know that step-parenting has become quite a fraught area of the site, and that two opposing 'camps' of posters seem to have emerged. Our take on this is that everyone is welcome to post in the Step-parents topic - so long as they do so within our Talk Guidelines - and we'd really appreciate it if everyone concerned in the bad feeling could step back a bit and concentrate on the issues raised by each thread, rather than thrashing out ongoing disputes with other posters.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and we ask members to respect each other's opinions, even when they don't agree with them. We do understand that everyone can get a bit het up on the internet from time to time, but we'd be grateful if you could bear this in mind in future.

Step parenting is never easy, so we think a bit of peace, love and support wouldn't go amiss. And please rest assured that you are by no means the only poster we're contacting about this.

Thanks and best,
MNHQ

fairy is that really what MNHQ wants though? Because I don't read their email like that.
I want to be a part of the forum MNHQ describes - if that's not the aim of posters here, then perhaps it should be made clear at the top of the board, so those of us who dislike being caught in the crossfire can avoid it!

Hi all, we do think it would be most unfortunate if our sending what we thought was a conciliatory mail causes more flare-ups on the step-parenting board, and we are sorry once again if we got the tone wrong. Can we please ask that posters do think about taking a step back on this one, just to let the dust settle a bit, and then continue to post on each subject as it comes up, with our guidelines firmly in mind?

But Wakey that is one single post to another poster who has acknowledged it and moved on.

Well, no, it's not, is it?

The conversation has moved away from the constructive debate it had become in favour of "siding" and congratulatory comments - PMs flying - and it wasn't my post drawing attention to it which influenced that.

1 PM had been sent Wakey, 2 posters agreed with Flossy. It wasn't a bun fight and it wasn't getting out of hand.

If you mean me Wakey instead of t'other Fairy, I do think that HQ would love personal disputes to be kept off the boards but that is unlikely to happen all the time. But those of us who dislike being caught in the crossfire can just stay out of it.

We can report posts, we can politely ask people to take it off thread, or we can ignore it. Joining in with tit-for-tat posts will just derail. There are some very salient points being raised on this thread and, yes, memories are still quite raw from recent spats.

However, we could take this as an opportunity to change how we respond to it collectively and let individuals converse on their particular disagreement until it is sorted or they agree to disagree.

Another thing that crops up a lot is that posters won't name names so lots of others are left thinking 'do they mean me?' even when they don't, iyswim so I think it would be better if posters could be direct about who they are talking to/about.

I think if someone goes to the extent of gathering information to find out such personal details like they did to Flossy, then posting them, then they should be banned. It is shameful that that person wasn't.

Whoa!!! This gives the clear impression that I did this, and I categorically DID NOT. I know absolutely NOTHING about Flossy's real-life personal details and have never done anything of the sort. If Flossy is accusing me of doing so, I would like her to PM me so we can sort that out. In fact, I would like MN to please clarify that I have not been reported for doing any such thing. I have never, ever, ever posted personal details about another poster on MN or anywhere else, EVER. I don't know who Flossy is, or anything about her beyond her posts here. If she is accusing me of that, I want this addressed.

Fairy, if your reference to "that person" was NOT meant to suggest that it was me (since this was raised in the context of a deleted comment about me, it gives that impression), then could you please make that clear here?

oh x post with everyone

The conversation has moved away from the constructive debate it had become in favour of "siding" and congratulatory comments - PMs flying - and it wasn't my post drawing attention to it which influenced that.

Well quite. I think in this particular instance there is obviously a lot of strong feeling. But again, we can report if we think there's a problem.

And I know that I, for one, am happy to take on board how my posts might affect someone else and, if necessary take a good hard look at myself. But then I do have very thick skin.

1 PM had been sent Wakey, 2 posters agreed with Flossy. It wasn't a bun fight and it wasn't getting out of hand.

How do you know how many PMs were sent? Are you a MNAdmin so have access to everyone's inbox? One person posted publicly that they'd sent one, granted - but it's not part of the talk guidelines that you post when you send a PM, is it?

And two posts have been deleted for breaching talk guidelines, which suggests it was indeed "getting out of hand".

To be fair though Wakey, I do think 'PMs flying' was a tad dramatic

faire - all based in personal perception;I've already checked mine

I PM'd flossy because I could see she was upset and I thought she might go off MN in a hurry without seeing my PM. It is NOT uncommon to let another poster know you have PM'd them on the thread. I have seen it done on numerous occasions on here. So there was nothing malicious in my intent. If you must know, I was recommending another forum to her that I am a member of.

I am pretty free with my opinions which has been a problem for some on here so I can assure you that anything I had to say about any other poster had already been said or would be said on thread. Personally I like issues to be hashed out ON threads and this is why I tend not to report even the most unpleasant personal attacks. It's good when we all know where we stand.

I don't understand why Flossy was deleted.
This thread is quite bizarre in a number of ways but it seems a depressing turn that a positive thing like a poster feeling confident enough to begin posting again results in deletions.

Obviously Flossy was not deleted for saying she was confident.

I am still waiting for your clarification, Fairy.

Hahaha.

Come on Fairy! Brdgirl is waiting. You'll get detention.

Oh I am so sorry brd for having a life and not being at your beck and call. How awful for you to have to wait for a change! .

Flossy's post was not entirely about you. You have now made it about you! no-one else, HTH!

Fairy, please clarify that I am not the person who posted details about Flossy.

I have no idea what you are talking about. Your demand that someone reply to you struck me as funny. Its a chat forum , we are not appearing in front of a select committee. Apparently though you weren't joking.

I don't understand your do gooding reference? Is that a rather snide way of criticising the fact that I try to post reasonably. Is that something you object to?

Suggest you RTFT, then, Pagwatch.

Nope, I've read the thread. I've still got no idea what you are banging on about. You do seem to take any disagreement as a huge personal affront.

brd I don't need to clarify or confirm anything.

Flossy's post was not entirely about you. I used "that person". You are making it about you.

Have you considered a blog? It might suit your posting style better.