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Original poster

What an effing joke, not having posted on here recently - until this particular email from the Gods who are MumsNet!

215 replies

Tappergirl · 17/08/2014 14:14

Hi Tappergirl,

We wanted to drop you a line about your posts on Mumsnet, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about them, particularly your posts on the step parenting threads. And when we took a look, we could understand why other posters thought they broke our Talk Guidelines (www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette).

We know that step-parenting has become quite a fraught area of the site, and that two opposing 'camps' of posters seem to have emerged. Our take on this is that everyone is welcome to post in the Step-parents topic - so long as they do so within our Talk Guidelines - and we'd really appreciate it if everyone concerned in the bad feeling could step back a bit and concentrate on the issues raised by each thread, rather than thrashing out ongoing disputes with other posters.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and we ask members to respect each other's opinions, even when they don't agree with them. We do understand that everyone can get a bit het up on the internet from time to time, but we'd be grateful if you could bear this in mind in future.

Step parenting is never easy, so we think a bit of peace, love and support wouldn't go amiss. And please rest assured that you are by no means the only poster we're contacting about this.

Thanks and best,
MNHQ

OP posts:
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CatKisser · 17/08/2014 14:16

What's wrong with that email? Seems perfectly fair to me. Bit poor of you to post it though, in my opinion.

wantacatplease · 17/08/2014 14:17

There's nothing wrong with that email...or am I missing something?

AtSea1979 · 17/08/2014 14:18

I don't understand the problem

FreeLikeABird · 17/08/2014 14:20

What's wrong with the email? Seems polite and ok to me.

scarletforya · 17/08/2014 14:21

Pretty restrained and diplomatic of them I'd say.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 17/08/2014 14:21

CatKisser, the email is antagonising as is the content. It should not have been sent to me or anyone else at all. I dont think it was poor for me to send it. I am unhappy with its contents, and obviously other people have received a similar email judging by the last paragraph. Bit of Big Brother by MumsNet IMO. I can say what I want, its a free world isnt it? - At the moment....

OP posts:
hercules1 · 17/08/2014 14:23

Nah, can't see what's wrong with it. Also agree bit poor to post it.

CatKisser · 17/08/2014 14:23

Er no, you can't say "what you want" on Mumsnet as you're bound by their talk guidelines (which it looks like you've been directed to more than once.)
The email is polite, rational and fair - what precisely is your issue with it? I don't post on the step parenting forum unless it pops up in Active convos, but even I know it seems a bit of a fight club at the moment.

I think MN were right to send the email.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 17/08/2014 14:23

It's their site tho Confused

Very bad form to repost it here imo.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 17/08/2014 14:24

I have given up posting on the SM board anyway, so bit of a shock have that turn up in your inbox on a Friday afternoon!

OP posts:
wantacatplease · 17/08/2014 14:25

Just because you feel antagonised by it, doesn't mean it is. It really isn't.

And you can say what you want as long as it doesn't break guidelines.

wantacatplease · 17/08/2014 14:26

X-posts.

Flexibilityisquay · 17/08/2014 14:27

The email does seem reasonable. I think if you have issues with it it might be better to raise them with MNHQ, rather than on here.

LadyLemongrab · 17/08/2014 14:27

What? Yeah, you can say what you want. But you're using a website which has owners and guidelines.

So you say what you want and those running the site can delete your posts if they feel they are not on.

Or they can send you a really kind, polite email just reminding you to rein it in a bit.

Were you not aware that MnHq contact posters if they feel it necessary? I've had a few, always taken it in good grace...because what sort of person thinks they're above being contacted by those providing a forum for them to vent their spleen on?

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 17/08/2014 14:29

I don't understand what's wrong with it. Its asking you to be aware of Talk Guidelines. Reminding you (and others) that support is more welcome than airing disputes with other posters.

Seems fair enough.

But bad form to post it - if you disagree then you should take it up with MNHQ. After all, they didn't publically enter into a conversation with you.

MothershipG · 17/08/2014 14:30

It certainly isn't a free world, probably not even a free country and this is a commercial website not a street corner. So MNHQ are perfectly at liberty to ban you for no reason whatsoever if they feel like it.

But in fact all they have done is send you a polite reminder of their talk guidelines and site ethos which you need to abide by or you need to find another web site to post on.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 17/08/2014 14:31

xxxx

OP posts:
scarletforya · 17/08/2014 14:35

What do you mean a bit of big brother by mumsnet? This is their site, are you surprised?

Oh, and you can't say what you want, no. Not by a long shot.

It's not antagonistic at all. In fact it's quite mild. The fact that you think it is antagonistic speaks volumes.

WakeyCakey45 · 17/08/2014 14:36

It does suggest that despite recent arguments to the contrary, MNHQ have noticed an increase in tension and friction here on the SP board, and that, again, despite what someone posters may believe, the site admin acknowledge that the board has become polarised between two "camps".

In some ways, it is reassuring to have that acknowledged, particularly when it was one "camp" who were arguing that the split didn't exist!

Stealthpolarbear · 17/08/2014 14:42

Would a Monday morning have been better? Or a Wednesday night?
Your reaction is ridiculous

purpleroses · 17/08/2014 14:57

I think it depends on whether they'd already made you aware of which of your posts they're referring to. If I'd received an email like that, having not previously known I'd done anything wrong I could imagine being a bit aggrieved.

But if you already know which posts they were unhappy about, then I think it's a polite enough email.

TheFairyCaravan · 17/08/2014 15:08

I fail to see how the OP didn't know that she had done anything wrong in the last few weeks, especially tbh. She has had quite a lot of posts deleted and has been very rude.

MNHQ are perfectly entitled to email anyone they think needs a reminder to stay within their talk guidelines, and then ultimately ban them if necessary. No-one is forced to post here, there are other forums if you don't like it.

Vitalstatistix · 17/08/2014 15:13

I think that is a perfectly reasonable and sensitive email.
From the owners of this site.
To a person who chooses to use the site.
Asking them to behave in line with their rules.
There is nothing unreasonable about anything in that email.
They were very tactful tbh.

BringMeSunshine2014 · 17/08/2014 15:19

Another one who can't see the problem with the email, but thinks it's very poor of you to copy & paste an email onto the boards.

MNHQ
AmyMumsnet · 17/08/2014 15:24

Hi Tapper,

Apologies that you feel upset by our mail - that wasn't our intention and as we said in the mail you weren't the only one contacted.

We've noticed that there have been problems building on the step-parenting boards and we felt we needed to step in and make a few pro-active steps in order to deal with it.

What we want (and what we're sure most of you want too) is for step-parenting to be a supportive and helpful place, where people can express divergent viewpoints but without constantly retreating to well-worn battle lines or referring back to old disputes. Not because those disputes aren't important, but because it really doesn't help posters who've come along looking for specific advice about their situation. One of the things that leapt out at us about the threads we looked at was that lots of them seemed to be quite badly derailed, which isn't against Talk Guidelines but in these cases did seem to be of dubious value to the OP.

To that end, the mails were really an attempt to contact some of the people involved and ask them (nicely, we thought - but sorry if we got the tone wrong!) to take a bit of a breath and a step back before they post.