Do-gooding clique thread

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Thanks for the name dozie

I'm buying one of these for my stepfather (a rather impatient driver).

Its not light hearted its downright nasty Im not sure which poster yoy mean to be aiming it at - although aiming an entire thread at one poster isnt nice really is it?

I can assure you - that quite a few regular posters on this board are upset by it - and thats taken from RL conversations, not cyber ones.

Thank you for the kind words - I would give anything to turn the clock back but I cant and if I could Id lose a lot too.

Really anyone with an ounce of decency should be steping back from this - it isnt funny. Im shocked at some of the names I recignise on here - well maybe disappointed would be a better word.

I spent years of my life being vilified here - because no-one wanted to believe how badly behaved my scs and dhs ex were - I wish to god the disbelievers had been rigjt.

However posters who post extreme situations should be believed and supported as they are on every other section of mumsnet.

I am genuinely sorry to hear about your situation why that should never happen to any family.

This thread was not created to take anything a way from the supportive ones you have found on here and I am thankful that you found such support.

Some of us just felt that those SP/parents/anyone who don't demonise their SDC's or ex partners should also have somewhere to go to discuss their issues. Again this is not to take anything away from the SP boards just to maybe add a little bit.

I have struggled and have been vulnerable but I have also being bullied off of the SP board for not conforming to the all SP's are correct and lets discuss how much we hate our SDC's (I understand how different your situation is) mantra that some have.

If you feel upset by this thread then please hide it as I would not wish it to cause you any further distress because that truly is not the intention.

It is lighthearted.

It is not aimed at a single poster.

It does have a serious point, however.

Plenty of people have been disappointed by a lot of goings-on on this forum for a long time.

I am sorry if you are upset, however.

So what would you prefer?

You would prefer that reasonable posters with a wealth of support, knowledge, advice, experience and compassion stay away?

There are posters who have confirmed over the last few days that they have stopped posting because they haven't felt worthy of it simply because they don't have the required level of hatred toward their SC and exes.

It is unacceptable, no matter what has happened in any of our lives, to have a board where posters are constantly shot down and blatantly told they shouldn't be posting here.

If you bizarrely feel that that takes away from the support you have had and will cotinue to have then you are reading something into this that just isn't intended.

You've been told what the intent is. It's your perogative to believe it or not.

ArsenicFaceCreamSun 03-Aug-14 15:42:16

It's complicatedFem

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/2146786-I-hate-my-step-kids?pg=1

This^ explains it, but I'm afraid it did go to a full 1000 posts.

I rather think it is aimed at an individual poster - and its cruel.

Some of us just felt that those SP/parents/anyone who don't demonise their SDC's or ex partners should also have somewhere to go to discuss their issues. Again this is not to take anything away from the SP boards just to maybe add a little bit.

Very true.

I'm sure fans of the mini-wife theory will continue to espouse that way of looking at things.

Plenty of room for others to discuss a different approach to stepfamilies.

And light-heartedness was ok on the bingo threads, wasn't it?

Why can't all the different schools of thought rub along together?

"I can assure you - that quite a few regular posters on this board are upset by it - and thats taken from RL conversations, not cyber ones."

Years ago, I was a regular, posting under a different, recognisable name and a different account. I often took part in giving and receiving advice on this part of the forum.

Being a "regular" and having RL conversations about a thread which is intended to be lighthearted doesn't give anyone priority or a greater say in what may or may not be posted.

I'm truly sorry for your family's awful experience. But, just as you are speaking of "bullies" telling us that regular posters don't like it and are discussing it smacks of pulling rank.

I'm sorry that you are upset by a lighthearted thread.

walter is that a serious question? If so I can assure toy many a seasoned sp has been driven off the board - Ive been postng on it for 10 years or more - and as I am in personal contact with quite a few of them I can assure you I am no alone in being disgusted by this thread - most of the however are resigned to this type of thing.

I rather think it is aimed at an individual poster - and its cruel.

No it isn't WhyonEarth. That thread covered a lot of ground. Have you read it all?

Who do you think we are aiming at?

We are objecting to a philosophy that sometimes predominates on this board.

This is a lighthearted thread, set up by a small group of posters to have fun together and a laugh. If you read back, you'll see that no one has been mocked, belittled or referenced. We're talking about food and hats.

Some of the posters on this thread have been mocked, belittled and bullied - this is their place, and they'd never treat someone the way they've been treated themselves.

What Perp said.

Pulling rank? I dont post on mumsnet anymore and havent for a long time - discussing it - are people not allowed to be upset I havent been speaking to "posters" I am speaking to my RL friends who I speak to often? I am gobsmacked anyone thinks this is OK especially HQ.

What do we think of fascinators? They smack of a lack of commitment to me, is it a head band or is it a hat? There's even an argument for jewellery but it's tenuous.......

I would like somewhere I can discuss the blogs that were linked yesterday. I found them disturbing yet shockingly fascinating and many posters had some insightful and interesting things to say.

I don't feel like I can discuss the mini wife syndrome on the normal SP boards as a lot of people believe in it and instead of discussing it with me shoot me down as unknowledgeable and not qualified to speak about it.

So this thread is my safe haven.
My place for support and discussion.
And as long as we follow MN talk guidelines I will not relinquish it at somebodies say so.

As I said I do not wish for the thread to cause you upset and you are welcome to stay and discuss stuff wear a hat and eat cake or you can hide it.

Arsenic when you were asked what it was about you linked a thread as explanation. I started to read it - didnt read much of it as it was too triggering and too familiar, the OP from that threads feelings and the reactions she received.

So you've come back to tell us that your longtime posting friends are upset.

Why?

Well if you don't post and haven't for years, then you'll not be aware of how poisonous it's become in places will you?

Just as the SM bingo was defended as light hearted, THIS thread is even more so..............or was.

Sorry lost half my post -hence my view its aimed at one poster.

I never said you're not allowed to be upset. I said that there is no intention of upsetting, that this is a lighthearted thread (although there is a serious point to be made, i.e. that posters shouldn't be driven off by a small minority who think that SC are 2nd class citizens within the family and that philosophies like "mini-wife syndrome" are deeply unpleasant and deeply disturbing).

The SP Bingo thread was ok, wasn't it? Or did you post on that to express how upsetting or offensive you found it?

whyonearth that original thread derailed, the discussion wandered far and wide, some obscure blogs were linked, their content examined, the general board heirarchy discussed, a sub-discussion of obligations to adult children sparked off.

Finally on the last page, a sockpuppet accused the hardy insomniacs amongst us still engaged in THAT discussion of being a clique, so we spontaneously became one, and accepted the name she had snarkily given us.

So none of this is aimed at anyone. That is your explaination. Hope it clarifies matters a bit.