Do-gooding clique thread

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Thanks for the name dozie

That miniwife blog has really upset me, I can't get my head around it. She was gleefully talking about how her husband spanked his daughter with a paddle and she was proud of him for doing it because it showed where his loyalties lie, it was as if he beat his daughter to get back in her good books. She also deprived her stepdaughter of sanitary products because the child had dared discuss the issue with her mother. She posts under her real name, does she not? How does she manage to get away with it?

why, you are saying exactly what we are saying! that we have been bullied off threads, accused of being trolls, having an anti SM agenda, it's happened. Now you're telling us you won't allow it to happen to you but YOU are doing it to us by telling us where and how we can post.

That reminds me of my Canadian cousins when they were small.

Kenny, loudly: "The lady in the red dress is wearing a funny hat!"

Sian, in a big sisterly way, just as loudly, "No she isn't. That's her hair!"

whyonearth the worst thing that Tapper could offer about her DSC's behaviour was that they lived in a small house, her DSS did laundry 'tto much' and her DSD cooked.

And you are comparing that to your situation!?

Because she was clearly bloody desparate. Thats all - sometimes parents - be they step or bio - are just desparate.

For Perp

Oops sorry I see the thread has moved on from discussing that blog. Sorry!

Linked thread. I felt sorry for Tapper at page 1.

Well making a judgement based on the first 1/10 of anything is a pretty silly methodology.

Anyone ready for more and ?

whyonearth that original thread derailed, the discussion wandered far and wide, some obscure blogs were linked, their content examined, the general board heirarchy discussed, a sub-discussion of obligations to adult children sparked off.

Finally on the last page, a sockpuppet accused the hardy insomniacs amongst us still engaged in THAT discussion of being a clique, so we spontaneously became one, and accepted the name she had snarkily given us.

So none of this is aimed at anyone. That is your explaination. Hope it clarifies matters a bit.

This really does explain this thread. It's that simple. And if this one is deleted, another one can be started. A safe place to discuss concerns and try on hats.

It's not a TAAT, it's about subjects that were raised after the OP left the thread (or at least said she had) and others were discussing amongst themselves.

It's not aimed at any one particular poster, although it did spring up after posters were called 'Do gooders' which was intended as a put down.

I agree basgetti it was disturbing.

I keep thinking about it.

basgetti I too found that part of the blog horrifying. I rad further down and the blogger stated that her SDD had come to them with self harm and suicide issues. Very disturbing to find that the blogger could have this knowledge and still talk about her in such a foul and disgusting way.

"Desperate"? like she is every other few weeks that she posts equally hatefully.

Because she was clearly bloody desparate. Thats all - sometimes parents - be they step or bio - are just desparate

Yes, and when someone is being totally unreasonable to the point that she is making herself and everyone around her utterly miserable, is it not ok to point that out?

People got 'mean' to "the poor woman" after the absolute bile she spewed, not before.

Spousification is a genuine issue - its a form (in my considered) opinion, of child abuse and one which DHs ex practices on her 3 children.

If you have a link to a blog which promoyes spanking with paddlebrushes - can I ask the obvious question which is has anyone reported it to the nspcc and if not can someone link ithete so that I someone link it here so I can. Thats nothing todo with step parenting anf everything tod with no parenting.

*can someone link it here

sorry for typos bf baby on boob

Whyonearth the link is on the other thread

She wasn't desperate at all, she was pissed and abusive! Only for whatever reason the thread got picked up and kept being bumped by a wider cross section of posters than usually venture into step parenting. Posters were very reasonable to begin with.

Just do a search and read her other equally hateful threads, she was unlucky and got noticed by others than the blindly loyal mini wives gang on this occasion.

why, the OP in question was offered solid advice. Suggestions included leaving, telling DH and DSC to leave, getting a cleaner in so she didn't have to come home to a mess, taking a more relaxed attitude to housework, sitting DH down to discuss it all, counselling, regular family meetings.

The poster didn't respond to any of that positively. All she did was use emotive language about teens who have done nothing offensive bar"hogging the lounge" to watch TV, been too big for a small house with one reception room and galley kitchen, cooked at the wrong time of day and played Xbox in their room.

As the evening wore on the poster got more and more abusive to those who called her on her aggressive attitude and her descriptions of her DSC. Someone was told by the original poster of that thread they were "a shit" IIRC. They were definitely told to "fuck off" because they didn't agree with the OP.

There is NO comparison between your situation and the previous one. NONE.

Where does this word Spousification come from why?

I can't find it on Relate or BPS or other similar sites. An official definition or diagnostic criteria would be helpful to the debate.

I am a big fan of family therapy and couples counselling.

It is the widespread self diagnosis and amateur definitions I have an issue with.

I personally have no issues with why Tapper or anyone else joining this thread. You can express all the views you like I for one will not attempt to bully you off it.
I will however openly challenge your POV and things you say if I do not agree with them.
I will not conform to unwarranted EX/SDC's hating.
I will discuss theories/good support groups/books and general experiences.
And I will do this in the most positive and supportive way I can.

Because as I said up thread this is my safe place too and I just like anyone have a right to speak.

So please stay if you wish to. Add to the discussion or just lurk but remember if this thread is upsetting you then YOU have the option to HIDE it. I will not be responsible for the feelings of those who choose to carry on posting whilst complaining they are upset by it.