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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I hate my step kids!

999 replies

Tappergirl · 30/07/2014 23:07

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

OP posts:
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10
ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 02/08/2014 13:23

This musical you were at, was it Les Miserables?

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/08/2014 13:24

OP how can anyone determine what is relevant life experience when you won't clarify your posts?

You are being so rude to perfectly polite posters Hmm

Original poster
Tappergirl · 02/08/2014 13:26

Very well put Shrley, very manipulative. No you didn't hit a nerve at all. If you care to read back on my first post last night I apologised for using the word hate towards the SCs, saying it was actually the situation we find ourself in that I hate. That's not going to change until they move out when I can get my home back, keep it the way I like it, clean and tidy.

No my attitude won't change. Period.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 02/08/2014 13:26

Tappergirl you come across as very defensive and intractable. You cannot change the hows and whys your stepchildren came into your life permananently at the point they did, until you accept this and come to terms with the new circumstances you are living with, nothing will ever improve, you will remain a bundle of resentment and unhapiness and that will impact on everyone.

Your step children will leave home sooner or later but unless you address your feelings about the situation and your feelings towards your dh because of it, when they have gone I don't think you will suddenly have the happy relationship you had before with your dh, your relationship with him will be posoined beyond repair.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 02/08/2014 13:27

Yes Shirley it was ! How did you guess?

OP posts:
ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 02/08/2014 13:30

But its not the first time you've used the word "hate" about your husband's children, is it?

I'm not so sure that I'M the one being manipulative here.

How did I guess the musical? It was the French connection which nailed it.

DiaDuit · 02/08/2014 13:32

No my attitude won't change. Period

Well we knew that way back. Glad you finally admitted it.

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 02/08/2014 13:36

Owing to the teens/young adults and lifestyles we all have/hours we keep and the feeling of being cramped in a small home where, if one thing is out of place, the whole house looks a mess, I'm about to employ a cleaner.

I don't want to spend my time cleaning up or nagging and I'm beginning to resent coming home from work and doing either or both so I've found a solution to the problem. I pay someone to keep on top of things in the house, I come home to something I want to live in, albeit with adult sized youngsters and their friends on the sofas, and I keep my patience.

Don't get me wrong, I won't tolerate laziness and my cleaner won't be doing bedrooms or washing for DC who can't be bothered to do their own. I'm just getting a little calm back into shared spaces.

Do you see what I'm saying, Tappergirl. If you won't tell DH to leave with his children then find a solution. Don't moan every fortnight and expect something to magically change.

emotionsecho · 02/08/2014 13:36

I apologised for using the word hate towards the SCs, saying it was actually the situation we find ourself in that I hate. That's not going to change until they move out when I can get my home back, keep it the way I like it, clean and tidy

No my attitude won't change. Period.

All the 'mys' and 'Is' in there and your final statement are why you have the problems you do.

DiaDuit · 02/08/2014 13:37

it was actually the situation we find ourself in that I hate. That's not going to change until they move out when I can get my home back, keep it the way I like it, clean and tidy.

Ok so you have decided just to grit your teeth and bear it out til the last one has moved out? Good. You've made a decision. Well done. That is a choice YOU have made. Own it and accept that you have chosen to be in this situation and that it isnt fair or right to make the rest of the family suffer due to a decision you have made (with full possession of the facts).

Maryz · 02/08/2014 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/08/2014 13:42

I apologised for using the word hate towards the SCs, saying it was actually the situation we find ourself in that I hate. That's not going to change until they move out when I can get my home back, keep it the way I like it, clean and tidy.

No my attitude won't change. Period.

Poor poor kids. What a slender reason for for all this spite.

What a waste of time this thread is Sad

emotionsecho · 02/08/2014 13:45

DiaDuit you're hoping aren't you?

Maryz, indeed I am sure they will be, the atmosphere must be riven with tension and resentment. I feel for them and to some extent her dh.

Maryz · 02/08/2014 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 02/08/2014 13:47

Great. So that's that sorted out then. Tappergirl is going to hang on in there, perhaps seething quietly or less than quietly, until her husband's children leave home. Tappergirl may or may not have accepted that leaving home doesn't mean "leaving father", doesn't mean "leaving home never to return", doesn't mean "no longer having a bond with Dad and no longer sometimes turning to him for support and advice, which could be time, could be money, could be housing". I hope that you HAVE taken that on board, Tappergirl, I really do, for all your sakes because the chances are that it WILL happen.

DiaDuit, I agree with you. The decision has been made on this fine and sunny morning by the 50 year old adult OP. She's aware of the pitfalls, the responsibilities, the chances of her husband's DC returning home after leaving and of his continued, lifelong obligation to them as a decent parent. She's aware that if he doesn't have that responsibility he's an utter shit and she'll be living with and shagging a morally bankrupt subspecies.

Soooo, there should be no likelihood of another thread in two weeks time saying that the OP is going to leave her husband because of his children.

Should there?

emotionsecho · 02/08/2014 13:49

It's utterly depressing isn't it Arsenic?

Maryz · 02/08/2014 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow · 02/08/2014 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArsenicFaceCream · 02/08/2014 13:55

Very echo. I can't believe it's all so shallow and pointless Sad

Alita7 · 02/08/2014 13:55

Oh dear I can see this thread going round in circles as much as the ops situation.

emotionsecho · 02/08/2014 13:59

Maryz I think the suggestion was that OP's dh and the children leave and find other accommodation so the OP could have her home back, agree that was an awful suggestion, but also ludicrous because the house and mortgage are jointly and severally owned by the OP and her dh and the property would either have to be sold, or one or the other buy the other out, which the OP doesn't want either and would resent if that happened too as she asserts she put most of the money into the property.

If the suggestion was just to allow for some 'space' again ludicrous three people should move, the children uproot themselves yet again, for one person's inability to act like a decent and reasonable human being?

Poor kids, indeed.

ResponsibleAdult · 02/08/2014 13:59

Agree Maryz, there will be a stately homes thread in future. OP, your posts come across full of anger and resentment. They also come across as very self centred me, me, me, me. However you are not the only one in this family situation

Way back in the thread you said you supported your DH attempts to gain custody many years ago. You knew DH had children when you married him. There was always a possibility that circumstances could change. Circumstances have changed so your attitude needs to.

Your intractable statement "No my attitude won't change" is the root of the problem.

I feel sorry for the young adults/children.

Original poster
Tappergirl · 02/08/2014 14:06

One of his kids is 23 has her own life. He still has contact with her but not overly, but there is a bond.

It's not the after teenage life continuation of bonding I am concerned about, it's the here and now, making my day to day life feel uncomfortable, and not wanting to come home from work to teenagers being teenagers.

I know DH will continue to support them, as he has done for his eldest daughter. No issue, and I hope when they mature I will grow to like them more. At the moment they appear needy and immature, which is alien to me. I fended for myself from a young teen age. I am also a step child, but at a very young age, so didn't think it applicable to my own experiences in the here and now.

DH are constantly at loggerheads with each other. I know that to me it is his style of parenting. I am very matter of fact and to the point, DH is softly softly and what he asks never resounds with SS.

Btw Shirley, it's not a sunny day here, just thunder and flooding.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tappergirl · 02/08/2014 14:07

DH and I

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 02/08/2014 14:12

At the moment they appear needy and immature, which is alien to me

they appear needy and immature? Confused and this is alien to you Confused Confused