Can't cope much longer

[Sleepyk]

I have been with my husband for 6 years and met my sd's (16 and 10 now) 5 years ago they come every Wednesday after school and every other weekend Friday to Sunday night.

My problem is my husband now has to work Saturday and Sunday mornings and doesn't get home until 2/3 o'clock leaving me with all the children ( I have a 16 year old boy and we have a 3 year old girl too). I feel increasingly like an unpaid baby sitter and in my heart think they should be with their mum OR their dad not with me looking after them IF I can't treat them as I would my own children.

I have tried to be a nice as I can but it's not really helping ... The older sd barely speaks at all ( head in phone or fast asleep / out with her mates) and the younger is becoming more difficult as the days go on. Their mum won't speak to me so I can only imagine what she says to the girls when they are at home. Dad spoils them and treads on egg shells trying not to upset them otherwise they won't want to come anymore.

The result is I am left with two children (as well as my own)who I can't " parent" - the little one is becoming more challenging and if I tell her not to do something she just sulks or cries till daddy gets home and the big one just stays in her bed all day unless shopping. The older one blows hot and freezing -but is a different girl when I'm not in the room as I often hear her and her dad laughing away but I don't see that side of her which is really sad. I don't want them to hate me or look back on their childhood and remember me as a miserable ole *** but that is what is going to happen

I want to say that they should stay at home with their mum during the day until daddy gets home as they are clearly happier there but I don't know if I am way off or how to address it.

Ps if anyone wants to say " you knew what you letting yourself in for " PLEASE don't waste your time.

And that's why so many SM end up resenting their DSC- because so many NRP are scared that the PWC will withhold contact and use the DCs as weapons.

The OP is in the same position. Her DH is scared to discipline, or even alter the household routine, in case the DCs ^don't l

....dont like him - but actually, it's his ex he's scared of because if she made contact with Dad a non-negotiable, then the DCs wouldn't have the option of not wanting to see him.

Alice - I agree totally with your last post, because my DH was almost paralysed by fear and guilt. No discipline or boundaries in case DSS got upset, and slavish compliance over unworkable access arrangements just in case the ex got annoyed.

There was another interesting post about SM's who end up babysitting, not through agreement, but by default: what indeed do you do if your DH goes off to work leaving you with the step child, or what do you do if the ex turns up and drops the child off (can you refuse delivery???!!??).

The thing that made my blood boil the most, was getting home from work to find DSS ensconced on my sofa, with DH having gone back to work, and not being due back for hours. What was i supposed to do? Drive him back to his mothers??

But hey, rota compliance was being achieved (KPIs met for another week, folks) .......