thank god its sunday

[BabyHMummy]

I know its an awful thing to say but having had dsc's for over a week I am really ready for them to go home.

They have really pushed boundaries this week and for the first time ever dp has actually disciplined them so we have had the backlash to deal with too. Although he still let's them get away with talking to me like crap...he is starting to back me up when I tell them off for it though.

Am soooo glad i have 2 weeks before they are here again.

Not aided by being 29 weeks pg and having an awful tummy bug for last 3 days

i agree with spero and harlem.

unfortunately the step-parenting forum seems to have a fence around it where anything other than "i totally understand- feel free to vent" is deemed unnacceptable. this is different from the rest of MN.

if i 'vented' in parenting about my dcs in the same way as OP then i would be rightly called on my language regarding children. i have seen 'little shits' being used many times on MN and not once have i seen it go unchallenged. i would certainly not expect to post anywhere on MN in the manner of OP and hope to receive hugs and a free pass to 'vent away'.

whilst i understand we all need to vent- we also must accept that when we vent on a public forum people will offer the advice they think you need to solve the situation. if you're venting- that in itself indicates there IS a problem and people will point that out to you, especially if there are children involved. children who have no choice about being in the situation they are in and who are trying the only way they know to cope with it. children who dont have the emotional tools or experience to understand or process the complex emotions surrounding separated and blended families.

OP i think you know whether how you feel and speak about the children is fair or not.

baby you can't choose who posts on your threads

You've had a tough week, you're pregnant, you're looking for support at home that is not forthcoming - it's no wonder you are desperate for some emotional support and sympathy.

But, please, please consider how your own DC is being affected by this. You are so desperate not to fail at being a SM, that you're not giving the job of Mum the priority it deserves.

unfortunately the step-parenting forum seems to have a fence around it where anything other than "i totally understand- feel free to vent" is deemed unnacceptable. this is different from the rest of MN.

Have you visited the Lone Parents board? It makes the venting here in step-parenting look like puffs of hot air

Bloody hell. That's me told then
Must remember to agree with OP in future and keep my pesky opinions to myself.

NotADisneyMum- I have enjoyed reading your thoughtful and measured posts, even if we disagree on some points.

I perhaps find the subject matter emotive because of my family background. I always felt my step mother would have preferred her life had I not been in it. I sensed a similar attitude from the OP.

I do not like anybody referring to children as little shits, be they parents or otherwise. And I despise physical aggression, particularly towards children.

yes i have- i am a lone parent. i still wouldn't expect to be supported in calling my dcs little shits . i would still expect to be given advice (and have been whether i wanted it or not) and to be told if i'm out of line.

i am a lone parent. i still wouldn't expect to be supported in calling my dcs little shits

Maybe not, but I've seen LP's refer to their DCs step and half siblings by similarly derogatory names and there has been no lack of support for Mums opinion in those threads.

I personally don't think there's any point to a forum unless there is a mix of hand holders and challengers. MN has a balance on all boards - there's certainly no lack if challenge here on the SParenting page

I wouldn't support anyone calling a child under 10 a 'shit'.

There is a reason the age of criminal responsibility is 10 - and that's the lowest age in Europe I think.

So we are all agreed then? If op wanted just hand holding, this is not the place?

"but I've seen LP's refer to their DCs step and half siblings by similarly derogatory names and there has been no lack of support for Mums opinion in those threads."

as i said upthread. i have seen 'little shits' being used many times on MN but nit once have i seen it go unchallenged. i have called posters on it in the past and dont see why this thread should be treated differently. step-parents are people and responsible for their words just like any other parent or non-parent.

"I personally don't think there's any point to a forum unless there is a mix of hand holders and challengers. MN has a balance on all boards -"

i agree with the first part of that comment- however it is very clear that in step-parenting challengers are not welcome.

So we are all agreed then? If op wanted just hand holding, this is not the place?

I think it depends whose online and what's on TV as to whether its 'the right place' or not Nothing in life is guaranteed

i agree with the first part of that comment- however it is very clear that in step-parenting challengers are not welcome.

I've never felt unwelcome, yet I've challenged the OP several times on this thread alone, and have a bit of a reputation for asking difficult questions

i'm glad you havent ever felt unwelcome. i certainly have.

Let's say a teacher posts about a child.
They have been soiling themselves in class.
They can't tie their own laces.
They are obstinate.

Would we allow that teacher to call the child a little shit without challenging them about their language?
I certainly wouldn't.

This board, particularly, does always strike me as being blindly defensive when challenged.

"She just decides she can't be bothered to stop playing so does it and then denies it, lies, hides her clothes etc. And its exactly the response to being told no. She is fully aware age is doing it and dare I say proud of it."

I post this quote as I suppose it's the part of the thread that I felt most uncomfortable with, and the point at which I became emotionally motivated to post. It reminded me of my own childhood, and the SM who believed I was very naughty and disobedient when I soiled myself. My own Mother was, fortunately, more sympathetic.

i have called posters on it in the past and dont see why this thread should be treated differently

And it hasn't been! Just like threads elsewhere on MN, there have been people sympathising with the OP, people who disagree and people who are openly insulting In this case, just like in some threads elsewhere, the OP isn't in the right place to deal with the disagreement and has argued back.

Why should it be different here?

And people who have challenged, who are not you, have been made to feel quite unwelcome.

harlem just because that particular quote wasn't challenged by others doesn't mean that your challenge was unwelcome or inappropriate though.
Of course the OP is going to defend it, and others may agree with her right to do so - but there's no conspiracy to stamp out anything but supportive posts; it just means that not everyone who disagrees is as strongly motivated to oust about it as you were!

harlem just because that particular quote wasn't challenged by others doesn't mean that your challenge was unwelcome or inappropriate though.
Of course the OP is going to defend it, and others may agree with her right to do so - but there's no conspiracy to stamp out anything but supportive posts; it just means that not everyone who disagrees is as strongly motivated to oust about it as you were!

I don't agree that the OP has gotten blind support. I think though that some empathy is a good thing and is in short supply for stepmums.

In my own response, which I don't think was exceptional, I think I tried to say clearly that she needed help and wasn't presently able to handle the situation well. I don't think that amounts to a defense of the OP, inthe slightest. On the other hand, I didn't attack her for the feelings she's expressed here, because I don't think that is helpful, and because it is very hard to know when someone is just venting.

Mums say terrible things about their own kids on MN sometimes. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

OP - sorry I've just seen this and wanted to show you a bit of support. The "thank God it's Sunday" is a sentiment I'm very familiar with and I empathize fully.

This isn't the best place to vent. There's an American site called steptalk.org. I can't honestly say it's a great place for measured advice as it's mainly frequented by disgruntled step-parents but it is a great place to have a whine

Enjoy your week off.

Was somewhat puzzled by this reply (to a question of mine about whether the OP intended hit her own baby):-

"if my baby requires discipline and I deem a smack is appropriate then yes"

Fraumoose, I don't think the OP is planning to batter her child, FFS! I think she just means that if necessary, the child will get his/her legs slapped !!!

Why are step mums always compared to teachers?
It is totally different !!!

Erm yeah. Teachers get paid for starters. Oh and it's their chosen vocation...

Ridic.

I wasn't making a comparison, simply pointing out that there are no circumstances under which I would find it acceptable to call a child a 'little shit'.
I suppose the comparison is often made because it's a similar situation, in that both teachers and step parents look after other people's children for extended periods.

"Fraumoose, I don't think the OP is planning to batter her child, FFS! I think she just means that if necessary, the child will get his/her legs slapped !!!"

Hitting a child is never necessary.

No teacher would have to put up with the crap that step parents do.
Teachers usually have the full support if the school and the parents behind them. They go home at the end of the day and leave the children to their parents to deal with.
And yes - they get paid. And appreciated. And thanked!!!