DH angry as I refuse to have SS on my day off next week.

[myflabberisgasted]

Hi all,

I am a serial lurker and have done the occasional post but now I am looking for some advice please?

I work part time and my days off are wednesday and Friday. I have arranged to go out on wednesday with my other fried and her DS and my DS to take them swimming. This has been arranged for a couple of weeks now.

DSS's mum text my DH earlier and asked if he would be able to have DSS on Wednesday as the school is striking.

He immediately asked me if I would have him and ordinarily I would but I have made these plans and am really looking forward to it.
So I said I'm sorry I couldn't this time, he immediately went funny on me and a bit snappy when I asked him any other questions so I could tell he was in a mood with me!!

I had my DSS every wed and fri throughout the 6 weeks summer holiday so it's not like I don't offer or have him! His mum only had him for 2 days throughout the whole6 weeks so I innocenty asked why she couldn't have the day off with him next week but DH just left the house (he had an appointment to go to) and slammed the door and said "don't worry I'll sort it!!"

Was I wrong to refuse to have DSS this once?!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'll try and respond to any replies as and when I can, DH does not know I am on MN.

Thank you

Why can't you take DSS swimming with you?

What Little fish said.

Nothing was wrong with you refusing to have DSS this once.

DH is upset because it may now cause him strife with his EX and the simple solution was for you to have DSS.

You have made plans with your friends and your son and DSS has a mum and a dad to sort out his childcare. I am sure if the boot was on the other foot that you would not resort to moodiness with your DH if he was unable to cancel his plans to look after your DSS.

Enjoy your day off!

Because she had him on all her days off during the summer holidays, the ss has a father (who should take a day off) and a mother and OP has a social booked that day, oh and he's not her child. Is that four good reasons or five?
You were fine to say no.

Don't let your husband take advantage of you.

I don't think you are in the wrong as you have already made plans,
How old is your ss? Can he not go with you? I would take my sc with me if I could.

Thanks for all your quick replies.

I would ordinarily take my DSS with me but there is a rule at our swimming baths and it's only 1 adult per non swimmer.

My DS is only 18 months and DSS is 8 years old.

I personally don't think i am being harsh by saying no but the way my DH reacted made me second guess myself!

I think DSS's mum has plenty of holiday left but just doesn't want to take any to spend time with her DS... But that's another topic!

Thanks for the advice.

Your SS has a mother and a father, who no doubt have had plenty of time to make arrangements for childcare or to book the day off.

I don't understand why you should be responsible for providing the care when you already have plans in place to spend the time with your son and friend.

Fair enough if you cant take him.
If you have made plans I wouldnt change them if you know his mum could take the day off.

.

I don't KNOW his mum could take the day off but adding up all the holiday she has taken off this year o have her DS it adds up to about 5 days so I am assuming she has more days to take off!

Her parents normally have him on every school holiday but can't this time as they are away on holiday.

Up here the rule for the council run pools is that children 8 and over can go in unattended by an adult.
Is it the same your way?

Your DSS is not your responsibility and your DH is taking you for granted by expecting you to look after DSS on your day off. I think he is out of order to get the hump. What would happen if the school was on strike on Tuesday when you were at work, would your DH take a day off work. You shouldn't feel bad in any way about it. You had him on all your days off in the holidays, I hope your DH & DSS's mum appreciated that.

To be honest, this isn't about whether (or not) the OP could take the child swimming - it's the principle of DH wanting to have the child for the day when in reality it's the OP who ends up babysitting - access by proxy .......

The OP should stick to her guns!

It doesn't read like there is a principle of the DH wanting the access - it sounds more like neither the mother or father wanting (or being able to?) take the day off themselves.

You were right to say no OP. your SS is not your responsibility, if you've already got plans then your SS's mother and father will need to sort out childcare for wednesday.

I think, especially as you would normally help out, you have every right to put your own social engagements first.

I would never expect DP to automatically look after DS, of course I would ask, and he would be hurt if I didn't, but I would never get moody and upset if he had prior plans.

Can your SS not go to a friend's house? If his school are striking then all his friends will be home too. His mother can sort out a play date.

It's nothing to do with access and both my DH and his XW still maintain and ok relationship for the sake of DSS. And are flexible to swap nights etc. We currently have DSS 3 nights a week.

Thank you for not making me feel bad everyone.
I don't feel either my DH or DSS mum appreciates my free childcare at all. If anything the more I do it the more they presume I will!

My DH is now back and has told me he will be taking the day off but he's still grumpy about it! Oh well not my problem!

All seems rather petty to me. A bit astounded you can't take an 18 month old and an 8 year old swimming tbh.

Hey ho. Not your son, not your problem eh?

I've checked the rules at the swimming baths online and theres no age limit it just states that if they're a non swimmer then they must have 1 adult to accompany them and my DSS is a non swimmer.

I think I have done my fair share of free childcare this year and I think just this once it wouldn't hurt for my DH or for his XW (you know my DSS's actual parents) to have a day off!

And cats my DSS sees his half brother everyday except a monday so plenty of chance to play etc then!

Apologies, I didn't word my earlier post very well. But what I meant, is it's the annoying situation where the father agrees to take the child off the mother's hands (for whatever reason) but in the reality it's the step parent who's expected the provide the childcare.

Agree with Petal. Your quarrel is with DH though. Not SS or his mother.

Don't worry petal I didn't read your post wrong earlier. And I have followed your posts about your DSS's access situation with interest as I have a feeling this will soon happen with my DSS!!

Thanks for taking the time out to post.

Sorry if my posts seem short I can only post when DH isn't about

You are not the parent of DS and therefore are entitled to say "no" sometimes! You shouldn't be "expected" to babysit. Surely the parents have the responsibility towards the child and not you?! If neither of the parents are prepared to make sacrifices for their own son, why should you? And like you say, it's not as if you don't do your bit for DSS, so don't be made to feel guilty. Yes, he is your DP son and of course you have a duty of care towards him but you have a right to your own life too.