DH angry as I refuse to have SS on my day off next week.

[myflabberisgasted]

Hi all,

I am a serial lurker and have done the occasional post but now I am looking for some advice please?

I work part time and my days off are wednesday and Friday. I have arranged to go out on wednesday with my other fried and her DS and my DS to take them swimming. This has been arranged for a couple of weeks now.

DSS's mum text my DH earlier and asked if he would be able to have DSS on Wednesday as the school is striking.

He immediately asked me if I would have him and ordinarily I would but I have made these plans and am really looking forward to it.
So I said I'm sorry I couldn't this time, he immediately went funny on me and a bit snappy when I asked him any other questions so I could tell he was in a mood with me!!

I had my DSS every wed and fri throughout the 6 weeks summer holiday so it's not like I don't offer or have him! His mum only had him for 2 days throughout the whole6 weeks so I innocenty asked why she couldn't have the day off with him next week but DH just left the house (he had an appointment to go to) and slammed the door and said "don't worry I'll sort it!!"

Was I wrong to refuse to have DSS this once?!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'll try and respond to any replies as and when I can, DH does not know I am on MN.

Thank you

I think that it was just as well that I was never a step mother because if she wouldn't take the day off, and wanted me to look after them, it would be on the proviso that I did it my way. As an adult you either trust the person or you don't and you can't control things if you are not there.
I agree with seeker and can't see why an 8yr old couldn't stay in a swimming pool cafe for an hour-and if it isn't anywhere near the pool they could bring a book down near the poolside instead.
(it would depend on the 8yr old-I am assuming he is a sensible one-some I wouldn't leave)
Perhaps that is the answer-'yes but my plans are ......... he can bring a book and go in the cafe/near the poolside/whatever' and then it is up to the mother and DH to decide if they want to-if they don't think you responsible they can do it their way and leave you out.

because everyone some posters are so determined to make OP feel like the evil stepmum...
may i suggest another perspective/scenario?
My DH and I have a DD. We also both work from home, so we have a schedule by which we share childcare. Under this schedule, for example, he looks after DD on Wednesdays, while I look after her all day on Tuesdays. At present, I actually have her 5 days a week and he does 2, so it is not a 50/50 arrangement - which I don't resent because I love my time with DD, but it does mean that my time 'off' is precious and usually very, very full!

If something came up (as it often does!) - let's say DH needed to keep a non-emergency medical appointment on Wednesday - he'd come (as he does!) and ask me to have DD that day. Fair enough! I'd probably do it, too.

But - if I had alternate plans that day? Plans that involved other people (who might not appreciate my bringing DD along!)? Plans that I had made some time before? If it were something I really wanted to do, I would certainly feel ok about saying to DH, "look, I already have something going on that day myself. Can you make any alternative arrangements - ask a babysitter, or one of our friends, or arrange a playdate with DD's friend?" And my DH wouldn't get pissy with me about that! And it doesn't make me a bad mum. God.

Becuase you know what? He is her dad. He can accept that he has to share in responsibility for sorting out her childcare. And that's when it is BOTH of our's biological child! Why should OP have to be held to a higher standard that the biological parents? mind-boggling. No wonder there is resentment in stepfamilies, indeed!

I don't think that she is evil, it just confirms my opinion that it is very difficult, if there is an bio mother around too, and I am glad that I got out before I got too involved. If I am looking after a DC I would want to do it my way and I would find it very difficult to have someone else trying to control things when they are not there. OP has my sympathies.

exotic, sorry - i wasn't directing that at you - and i appreciate what you're saying! i agree, actually - one can't expect anyone else to look after one's kid, but then not give them any authority to do so.

I have, however, given her a hard time brdgrl. I think that it is much simpler when the partner dies-which was my case. It must be pretty impossible if you have them still around calling the shots-for example I would leave the 8yr old in the cafe (depending on the 8yr old in question and the situation of the cafe) so I wouldn't be happy to have it questioned and even lesss happy if they told me that I couldn't.
It isn't easy so I think I was simplifying too much and expecting too much of OP-for which I apologise.

If I am looking after a DC I expect to be treated as a responsible adult, with their best interests at heart, so I wouldn't expect to be treated like a babysitter.

Sorry should have read DSC.

Thank you for your apology exotic

Ps - sorry I told you to fuck off

Its OK-I think that I deserved it. (I get argumentative after a couple of glasses of wine and should stay off MN!)

I'm glad this has ended well.

Alcohol free here-not in the least argumentative!