The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

The only thing more satisfying than feeling a spot give under your finger is if it's in, or close enough to, your ear and you can simultaneously hear it go click as it pops.

I would normally agree but something about this zit just really got to me! But I was glad it finally popped and didn’t need further squeezing and I’ve not had one like it since thank goodness. Maybe cos it was on my boob it felt more wrong? Idk.

I have a few to share

Suffering from a truly horrific cold, but compelled to go into work over the weekend pre-audit, I was really struggling. Colds always turn into sinusitis for me and I was feeling absolutely grim. The boss bought us all lunch from a local place that did hot food, and I had a good dollop of the hottest sauce available since I couldn't really smell or taste much anyway. Ate my lunch, blew my nose, and the most astonishing huge lump of near solid grey jelly flew into the hanky - far more than you'd think a nostril could manage, I thought my brain had come out. I had a good ten minutes of feeling much better before my head began to refill.

I had a small hard white lump on the side of my ribs, just below where the bra strap goes. I'd tried massaging and squeezing to no avail, it just hurt. One day in a nice hot shower I brushed against it, and alongside a stab of the most exquisite pain, it burst with what looked like very thin silly string, that just went on and on. The relief was indescribable.

My best ever - in my teens and 20s I had acne on my back. In my first job I had one particularly huge and sore spot which was horribly distracting, so I nipped into the work loos (yes, I know, grim of me, but it was so painful!) for a quick squeeze, to be rewarded with a gross handful of goo and when I looked in the mirror, not one but three heads had been hiding under that. The perfect triangle of bloody dots was a wonderful contrast to the giant zit that had been covering them. I was only sorry I'd not seen it go 😂

Omg this is hilarious (sorry OP) .

It's also my DH, he breaks our toilet weekly with his gigantic shits and has to plunge the bastards down!

Loving this thread. As a teen I had a face full of acne. It was horrible. Looking back though, some of the time it was incredibly satisfying. I once had a lumpy cystic spot above my eyebrow for months. Couldn’t do anything with it and it never came to a head - until one day I just had at it. This unbelievably orange jelly emerged from my forehead. There was so much of it, it was unreal. Never had it before or since, and can’t look at jelly without thinking of it. Magnificent.

Had sinus surgery many years ago (at least 20 years) and after my packing came out (both nostrils) that same night I blew my nose and out my right nostril came a giant clot was deep maroon in color like jellied cranberry sauce honestly was shocking

Two notable occasions:

First one was when my ear was giving me serious bother (long-standing issues with ear wax, water being trapped and recurrent eardrum perforations) - driving and heard a loud bang in affected ear - reached up and felt loads of warm liquid running out my ear, looked at it and the fluid was bright orange.

Second was a huge boil on my bikini line. Tentatively poked at it with tweezers - hardly touched it and white and green pus came pouring out.

This is 💩 related.

I been taking medication that had left me rather constipated so when I felt the urge yesterday I was so pleased. Except it took 4 trips to the toilet, was excruciatingly painful and it felt like I was actually giving birth again!

However when it finally emerged I was astounded to see that it was at least 2 foot long (folded over itself and mostly out of the water) and was about 3 inches thick! It was truly spectacular.

I feel so much better today, and am 3lb lighter 😀

My friend had to have an emergency c section with her first and ended up really constipated. She often said that it took longer to have her first poo than it did the give birth - along with the fact she was sure her poo was heavier than her son

I had colonic hydrotherapy today for the first time ever!! I was amazed and what came out of me.

DH has been suffering with kidney stones for ages. Last night (I was fast off, oops) he said it felt like his Willy was going to explode, then this morning this came out. (Sorry about tge shit picture, and the 1p is for comparison) No wonder he’s been a grouchy bugger.

You know what, this thread is so old, I can’t remember what tales I’ve told!
Anyway, the hair on my niece’s arm. She was about 8 and like lots of little girls her arms were hairy, but just light fluff. Except one day I noticed this whisker, being the good aunt I gave it a tug, it came out and out and out. Perfectly straight and about 4 inches long.
My dog. We had a white poodle and I used to love running my fingers through her fur. Then I found a bump. A blackhead about the size of a match head. Gentle squeeze and a stick of yellow about 2 inches popped out.
Me. Pre kids I was a martyr to batholin cysts. Could never get to our useless dr when they were up and no mn around. So I did what you shouldn’t do and took a needle to them. My gods the pain. I was bendier then so rigged up pillows and mirrors. Covered them both and the fucking things rumbled audibly as they burst. Luckily never had them after having kids.
My sil’s finger. We’d gone to Cuba on holiday, but she was taking antibiotics for an infected whitlow. First day she said it was still swollen, bil and dh wouldn't look at it. Soaked in in hot salted water and, the nail had gone soggy! So much pus under it. I got a needle and slid it in. A plug of green hit the mirror followed by a stream of bubbling pus. She was crying with relief. She lost half the nail, but it healed really quickly.

I have just changed my contraceptive pill and I am also taking medication. I felt really bloated. Last night I did the biggest poo. It was huge and so long I was shocked. I felt so relieved afterwards, I had some laxido and lots of water after to prevent it happening again. However I then did another poo equally long and huge. I don’t know where it all was in my body!
My jeans are looser today.
🤢

I'd been having constipation and could only occasionally squeeze out a small hard pellet of poo. Then suddenly my system seemed to go the other way, and I desperately needed the loo. A whole load of little pellets shot out in quick succession, it felt like a machine gun. The relief was wonderful.

@Oulu That reminds me of the time my then toddler DD ate loads of “gigantes” beans in a Greek restaurant. A few hours later, she was firing them out of her bottom like a ‘20s Chicago gangster with a machine gun. It was amazing!

I think that deserves a professional photograph to do it justice. You could get it blown up and framed , would be a real talking point over your fireplace. Anyone got David Bailey’s contact details?

If like me you enjoy reading the stories on this thread, please enjoy this other thread from years ago…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2428350-to-ask-for-your-best-ever-spot-porn-story

I had a short phase of boils in my armpit when I was about 17.

Bigger and bigger they grew. One was 3 heads that merged into one. THE SIZE OF IT!

My mum suggested drawing it with hot hot water. That was marginally less painful than the actual pain.

By the morning of the last day clothes were presenting a problem, it was agony!

And then! It burst! The relief. The green. The pus. It went on for ages. It refilled a little, but never to the level of that first one.

I'm glad they stopped but with the distance of some decades I look back and marvel!

Everyone's writing is so good! I love this thread and is purely commenting to keep it going. Well done all of you!

I had a very itchy / inflamed ear canal over the Christmas which gradually subsided on its own. Put my finger in today for a good itch and scratched out three small perfectly round balls of hardened pus. Very satisfying…

That's so unfair! I have dodgy ears and never get anything that interesting, just bits of flaky skin.

Same here. Now I know this sounds a bit “out there” but do you also find that you never smell of BO?
I get the flaky ears and have never smelled BO on myself or my clothes. My Mum, and more recently, DH have both said they’ve never smelled BO on me. DH would NEVER say that unless it was true.
I read along time ago that there was a link between people with flaky ears and no smell

Was it maybe no earwax and not smelling?

Yes, maybe. I don’t get “wax” as such, just dry flakes of (wax?)

There’s some genetic difference between people who get dry, flaky earwax and those who get the sticky sort. So it doesn’t seem impossible that BO or lack of it could also be affected.
IIRC, people of East Asian origin tend to get the dry sort of wax.