*klaxon* Sporn advice needed

[RoseCuntedGlasses]

Ugh this is well grim, please bear with me.

I've had a pilar cyst on the back of my head for a few years now, and it minded its own business until last week when I caught it with my hairbrush. What started off as maybe a 1in lump swelled up to maybe 2.5in and hurt like fuck. Went to the doctors on Wednesday and got anti-b's and got told they could remove it but the Doctor that does that only works on Wednesdays and I'd missed her for that week.

I woke up in the night in fucking awful pain. It almost throbs and is so taut, if that makes sense. I can't lie on it or in any way that it almost touches the pillow. It's hot and the glands in the back of my head and neck are up and hurt :(

Just before I started writing this, something popped and now the back of my head it soaked with what I guess is pus The lump is still there though.

So my questions given that I won't get a doctors appointment today:

1. Do I just keep it clean, keep taking the tablets and get an appointment asap? Could be days though, knowing my surgery.

2. It fucking hurts and is spewing something out now - would a walk-in centre be able to do anything given that I'm already on antibiotics?

Thanks in advance, your gross friend,

Rose

ps. I know the rules. It's really hard to get a pic of the back of your own head, and it's covered by my hair. If anything further develops I'll ask DH to take a pic tonight.

If you live in East Anglia, pop a couple of pairs of tweezers in a pan of water to boil and I'll be round in a while!

Good Lord! A and E and get rid of it for ever.
Fab attempts at visual documentation. I salute you.

Phwoar. I wish I was married to you!

Maybe we could take squeezing shifts?

I am truly among my people. Thanks everyone. The Lump™ feels a bit better now the pressure's gone a bit. I feel a bit ropey because my neck's all puffed up, but taken some painkillers and got into bed.

DH, bless his squeamish soul, has said he would squeeze it for me while I finish the antibiotics. It was just the suggestion I made of cutting it out with the bread knife that he was a bit put off by.

Thanks again. I will keep you abreast of any developments.

Never mind a bread knife- a melon baller would be perfect!

Offering my services if you are in the NW

That's a beauty! Hope it's better soon though, it looks painful.

Bloody hell that must be sore!

I know my place mark wasn't wasted! Hope you feel better soon Rose.

Blimey, OP! Hope you feel better very soon. We're going to move this to the Sporner Corner. I think I need a coffee now

That's pretty terrible advice. If you feel unwell and have swollen glands you really need to get it completely drained. Ask your GP to refer you to the survival assessment unit at your local hospital and they will be only too happy to oblige (my juniors fight over cases like this!).

Agree with welshweasel. You should have been sent to A&E last night. Even without the swollen glands and feeling unwell, it was clearly far beyond a bit of poking/squeezing and the small opening is likely to seal over, trapping all the gunk inside.

Welshweasel "survival assessment unit"?! Is that as terrifying as it sounds?

Ha ha...well the NHS is under a lot of pressure! does sometimes feel like that...

Blimey! Survival assessment centre sounds hardcore! I imagine it to be like the physical challenge at the end of the Krypton Factor

I slept a lot better last night and it does seem a lot smaller today. Still, y'know, oozy and disgusting, but I guess it'll stay that way till it's cut out? The first GP I saw said she would refer me to the lump-cutting-out Doctor, so I just have to hang on for that.

I'm powering through the antibiotics but if I feel poorly and it gets any mankier I will go to A&E.

Good. Please do! You don't want it to get worse, as it sounds pretty awful already!

The amount of crap coming out this thing is epic. If it wasn't on my own head I'm sure I'd be fascinated. Instead, I'm finding it revolting

Fuck me - that's massive!

I'm impressed and sympathetic in equal measures.

That was bad advice. It needs properly incising and draining and packing so that it can heal from the bottom of the cavity upwards. Once the infection settles down you need to have the cyst excised to prevent the sac refilling.

I've been referred to the doctor who will do the removing, which leads to another two questions:

Will they remove it while it's infected?

Will it keep crapping out pus until it's removed or is that only because it's infected and the antibiotics will stop it doing that?

On the videos, which I never watch of course, they drain it and remove the sack at the same time.

I think it will stop producing pus as the antibiotics take effect and the old pus drains, but you still need to get rid of the cyst sac.

Just to keep you all updated - just had a phone call to say there's been a cancellation and I can go on Weds for The Great British Lump-Off.

Obviously I will expose myself for the weirdo that I am document as much as possible, but given the location that might not be much. But I am secretly bursting (pardon the pun) to see what comes out. But also bleugh :)

You simply must take a camera operator someone to offer some support with you.