AIBU to ask my DCs to cry using their inside voices? - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[CountOlaf]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to my first AIBU. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Count Olaf - the handsome, talented, actor extraordinaire. I have recently adopted the three ungrateful Baudelaire orphans after their parents perished in a house fire (perished means killed). I have kindly told them that my home is their home - but they must not touch anything. I have even provided a single bed for the three of them to share out of the kindness of my heart.

After instructing them to do simple tasks such as to clean the filthy bathroom using only toothbrushes, and to cook me and my theatre troop a delicious meal, they have the cheek to complain! They didn’t even applaud my theatre group's impeccable performance!

AIBU to think they are being spoilt brats and have a dangerous abundance of selfish disregard for me, IYSWIM? Tell me what you think and I will give one of you a £300 voucher - don’t ask me where I got the money from.

If you think I am BU, you are WRONG! Anyway, the theatre awaits…

Your Greatness,

Count Olaf

Standard Insight T&Cs Apply

Head tilt

Did you mean to be so rude?

They're clearly narcissists, Ltb, go NC, cancel the cheque.

Tinkley little laugh

Omg, Ive been here forever, (naice ham, penis beaker etc)

Have you thought about getting yourself a spa day?

Well, my DCs were all able to cook dinner, clean a bathroom, decorate the living room, write a simple novel, compose an operetta and perform basic heart surgery by the time they started primary school. We don't allow delicate little flowers in this house.

I would go NC.

You don't mention anywhere that you feed those children. Give them a dry crust of artisan spelt bread to chew on every 30 minutes and they'll be far more productive. They're probably hangry.

The important information missing here is how many people can they feed, and for how many days, just using one medium sized roast chicken?

We need to know. No drip feeding now.

YADBU (at the risk of going against the crowd ).

YABU, ids complain, sook it up, not the blood obviously, the fact that kids do and will complain, about everyting, period!(Did I mention blood????)

They'll probably be making sad faces in the Daily Mail tomorrow.

It depends. Was one of the theatre troop vegetarian and didn't declare this before they arrived?

I'm sorry but you sound like a dickhead.

The children are probably missing their pet snakes. Simply provide them with some rats as an alternative.

YANBU. It's sooo important for kids to have chores and boundaries -- and exposure to the theatrical arts! There are many kids who would give their back teeth for the privilege. Might I suggest a chart, if they don't cry or scream loudly for each day, they get a sticker. I'll leave it to you to decide the reward, but I'm sure it will be well deserved :)

perished means killed

YABU just for mansplaining to us. That or else you're a GF.

Oh Hun xx it must be so hard for you!! They are totally taking advantage of your kindness. Remember to look after you, am I rite???

Get some more padding on their cell and make yourself a nice cuppa xx

Did they even remember to use organic veg in your pasta puttanesca? I bet they didn't! The cheek of millennials, they all think they're such special snowflakes, demanding their adoptive parents cook them dinner and allow them hot water for bathing. Don't put up with it hun! You and your theatre troupe deserve better!

Lol at "perished means killed". Deffo a man takking to us silly ladies. What company sponsors this so I can start avoiding them?

Need a diagram!

But if they aren't allowed to touch anything how can they clean and cook? You're contradicting yourself. Easy trap to fall into with young children. They need clear boundaries if they are ever going to give you the fear and deference you crave deserve.

Oh and don't bother performing for them. Kids are all uncultured brats. Unless you're actually the dark side of Mr Tumble?

You need a home agreement drawn up.

They need their contract to state when to applaud, just how many sycophantic statements you should receive each time they greet you, the style of food you require and when it should be lavished and YADBU to only require the bathroom to be cleaned. At their ages, I'd have expected as a minimum the grass to be combed.

It's very topical the lavish compliments contract - isn't there an example of a celeb one doing the rounds you could get them to crib from.

Have you looked into what you are entitled to, I'm sure fostering 3 kids gets you mega bucks from the government.

You could use that money to hire a nanny to keep them in check. Can I suggest Mrs trunchball.

That will teach the ungrateful brats.

YABU for thinking children have inside voices!

Why don't you put them in front of adverts for Money Supermarket?

Apparently that will give them something to cry complain about.

I think you might mean 'troupe' rather than 'troop'. Other than that - yanbu

You need to read The Bicameral Mind if you are going to talk about inside voices...... or get in touch with Hearing Voices network...now that is interesting stuff.