AIBU to ask my DCs to cry using their inside voices? - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[CountOlaf]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to my first AIBU. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Count Olaf - the handsome, talented, actor extraordinaire. I have recently adopted the three ungrateful Baudelaire orphans after their parents perished in a house fire (perished means killed). I have kindly told them that my home is their home - but they must not touch anything. I have even provided a single bed for the three of them to share out of the kindness of my heart.

After instructing them to do simple tasks such as to clean the filthy bathroom using only toothbrushes, and to cook me and my theatre troop a delicious meal, they have the cheek to complain! They didn’t even applaud my theatre group's impeccable performance!

AIBU to think they are being spoilt brats and have a dangerous abundance of selfish disregard for me, IYSWIM? Tell me what you think and I will give one of you a £300 voucher - don’t ask me where I got the money from.

If you think I am BU, you are WRONG! Anyway, the theatre awaits…

Your Greatness,

Count Olaf

Standard Insight T&Cs Apply

Have you considered getting an au pair? That way you can continue with your theatrical performances while someone else looks after the little darlings. Maybe you can get one who also teaches cooking and cleaning skills so that the ungrateful brats can pay their way.

You are a self indulgent, self important luvvie - have you starred in Annie ?

I would put them in front of every annoying tv advert lets see who rants then!

YABU Olaf your next play should be in a nursery full of screaming kids!

They definitely are spoiled brats... and it's you who's spoiling them, giving them toothbrushes to clean the bathroom! Make them lick it clean. You have to be firm with them!

YABU definitely !

Its not wrong to ask them to cry using their inside voice. They're too loud!!

You are BU - take the bed away, let them sleep on the floor

Cambam is right. I'm sure I read an article online that said that modern Western "soft", "comfortable", "warm" beds are a toxic health hazard full of noxious chemicals and a catastrophic cause of obesity and back pain. Far better to give them a nice flat wood floor or some natural rocks.

Child labour is free use it while it's there. They will soon get big enough to escape into the big wide world and realise that the whole world wants something for nothing

I'll dig out the number for Childline! These kids need a bed each!! LOl

YANBU. Children should be seen and not heard

You are teaching them valuable life lessons, excellent parenting skills.

Orphanage?

Uhh, bad parenting from their previous parents is the issue here. Clearly. Have you tried bribing them? I find sweets work best, but buy the largest chewiest ones so they can't talk for a bit while they eat them. Good luck.

I think so, children are to be loved and encouraged

I know my own inside voice is crying like a baby

Inside voices Id be worried!

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

I am afraid you will just need to put up with the little darlings until you get your hands on their cash

The sad truth is the truth is sad.

I think perhaps the problem here is that you have not adopted enough children. As a successful actor I would have expected at least 6 or 8; surely that would be a better investment no? You could easily get them to top and tail in a single bed still, if they took shifts. Also the actual clapping noise from 8 or more pairs of small hands would be far louder than 3 pairs, thus providing a much more motivating audience for your group (troop, troupe?).

Op is clearly a DM reporter, I'd name change before posting on this thread unless you want to be quoted in the mail.

I am sure you would get approved as a foster carer without any hesitation - we have a huge shortage and an abundance of children in need of learning to cook and clean

YABU, think your self lucky. At least they didn't try to make you pasta puttanesca

YADNBU - get well rid of the uncultured swine!

I'm sure there are plenty of other suitable guardians out there..

Dear me, a miserly single bed, oh you are too kind... just the thing for tired kids forced to do all your chores to rest their weary heads .. I sense a rebellion Olaf!