AIBU to ask my DCs to cry using their inside voices? - £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[CountOlaf]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to my first AIBU. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Count Olaf - the handsome, talented, actor extraordinaire. I have recently adopted the three ungrateful Baudelaire orphans after their parents perished in a house fire (perished means killed). I have kindly told them that my home is their home - but they must not touch anything. I have even provided a single bed for the three of them to share out of the kindness of my heart.

After instructing them to do simple tasks such as to clean the filthy bathroom using only toothbrushes, and to cook me and my theatre troop a delicious meal, they have the cheek to complain! They didn’t even applaud my theatre group's impeccable performance!

AIBU to think they are being spoilt brats and have a dangerous abundance of selfish disregard for me, IYSWIM? Tell me what you think and I will give one of you a £300 voucher - don’t ask me where I got the money from.

If you think I am BU, you are WRONG! Anyway, the theatre awaits…

Your Greatness,

Count Olaf

Standard Insight T&Cs Apply

To be honest I couldn't give a toss...can I have the £300?

Dear Count,
I feel that what you really need is a guard, I mean nanny, to charge charge of the little darlings. I can offer my services at a very reasonable rate. I have honed my professional skills at some of her majesty's finest establishments and will have them toothbrush scrubbing, cooking for thousands, boiling sheets and as a bonus even making number plates. They won't need to use inside voices as children should really be kept outside for all that healthy fresh air. As for beds... a blanket each for their tent is more than ample. Children love nothing better than camping out.

"take charge" not "charge charge"

I hope they cooked roast beef for you and didn't get all creative with a recipe book from a neighbour who happens to have a library in her garden.

You need an elaborate plan to trick the eldest maybe a fake but real wedding with Pom bears at the reception. You'll benefit from sharing the inheritance and who cares if anyone says YABU. May I suggest not putting children in cages or at least not admitting to it on MN parents don't seem to like such measures they're a fussy lot.

Have you been at the Mn ?

Yabvu, the eldest should be a PFB and therefore unable to do no wrong. You should feed the PFB only organic foods cooked by hand by a French chef, and definitely pay for private school.
The second child is the spare, the neglected one. Second child should do all the work and be fed only the scraps of the PFB.
Precious last child is a spare for either, so equally beat and adore as necessary.

LTBs

Of course YANBU Hun. It's kind of you to find them things to occupy them. if they complain you should remind them that no is a complete sentence.

YANBU. Sell them and rehome a rescue dog.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to my first AIBU.

Really so what is that thread just above this one with your name on then?

Def not unreasonable - like you said, spoilt brats!

ODFOTTFSOFD

Judging by your post, maybe you should seek some therapy for them first. It can't be easy living in a theatre with a blood sucking snowman...

Poor love. They are taking advantage of your kindness. You need to implement Rules. Sounds like yours are too far gone for the naughty step - suggest fear, neglect and coercive control might work. That a sugar free diet.

And a sugar free diet.
Yanbu btw - youth of today so entitled!

YABU
Tooth brushes are vile, germ breeding, disgusting, festering items.

Squeeze some bleach around or get them to put their hands down and scrub with tissue. Then throw vinegar and baking powder around.

I think you should reduce their sugar intake and screen time but spend some quality time with them after they've done their chores and behaved nicely, snuggling on the sofa and watch something together on Netflix or something...

Is this a reverse?

Have you tried the adoption board? You might get a more helpful response there.

I was a bit what you meant by perished so thanks for clearing that up. Obviously you're a very thoughtful and gracious intellectual. Those brats should be thankful that you're charitable enough to take them in so YADNBU. However yabu to expect them to cry full stop! They are playing the sympathy card with their parents perishing so you need to stop pandering to them. A bit of tough love should fix this.
First off check that they used their own toothbrushes to clean the bathroom and not yours it's so important that children build up their immune systems so a bit of extra crap would do them a world of good
They need to learn that you only had their best interests at heart when allowing them to clean the bathroom, until they can stop being pfb take away their privilege of being allowed to use it. Instead make them stand in the garden and hose each other down with the hose pipe, then run round to air dry outside exercise so important. Take away the bed and give them some sheets instead, they're sure to whine but encourage them to use them to use the sheets to make a tent.
Getting them to cook for you and your friends was genius! Kids can be fussy bastards when it comes to food so it's important they learn where their food comes from and the amount of love and dedication it takes to make a meal so continue enforcing this. Perhaps treat them to the leftovers as a reward for any good behaviour. Failing that ltpfb's!

But does perish mean 'killed'? It means to die, but 'killed' suggests a rather sudden end whereas perish is more of a slow death eg perish of cold.

Did you mean to say 'killed'?

*Pedants'

Well I've heard it said that people cry when they're happy, so obviously the children are actually so overwhelmed by your altruism that they're weeping in gratitude.

YABU to allow them to cry at all. Ungrateful wretches. You are allowing them to develop life skills (cooking, cleaning, spotting psychopaths), they should be grateful.

Oh please! Poor you! Cry me a river of sweetcorn