The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

@RedRegular that's a lovely update about DD. Not sure I like the sound of your body winding down, though!

DD3 has had a tricky few days. School are being very good.

We're still working on DD1's cabin. I hit a bit of a wall yesterday - doing too much - but hopefully we'll be done by Sunday.

I phoned the dealer for an update on DD2's car today. When we ordered we were told August. It's now looking like October/November. Not brilliant.

Fab update @RedRegular glad the running is going well and you’re planning a night away. Hope it goes well.

The weather looks like it will be better for shed finishing off this weekend @Lougle im sure an extra space especially during the school holidays will be extra handy.,

DD2 has continued to be extra tricky this week with two meltdowns yesterday with behaviour more like we were getting last year. Sigh it’s always feels like one step forward and then sideways then half back again with her and her education. Just hoping a quieter weekend resets her as this was supposed to be a “good” hormone week for her.

Conservation officer hasn't phoned but I think having just read about 500 pages of various rules and preferences I understand almost everything. The bedroom option is completely out due to building regs rules re fire meaning due to size of garden we can't do thatch or cedar shingles and we don't want and probably wouldn't get approval for something modern.

Have also looked at what has been approved here and all seems to be weatherboarded black with metal roofs, quite ugly but width of garden at the top end. No idea why that is getting through in a conservation area but can be odd what gets through and what doesn't. I can't see anything saying it has to be black which is good as I hate black and they look terrible in a garden. The wood part of shed looks fine though in one place it says if you are using shiplap or similar get it painted and suggests muted colours which include off white or black. It says if oak can leave as wood. The roofs they seem to have a preference for thatch or shingles but both these are fire risks - I checked and the shingles have no fire protection. DS is quite sensible re fire but its also by neighbours gardens who currently are all sensible but we are in an area with lots of thatch and seems both can cause insurance issues. Though insurance did not reply but we are veering against due to fire risk. Plus we have a squirrel who would nibble at the cedar and 2 big trees close by, both of which will cause drainage issues with those options. They seem to moan about other materials but approve them if not highly visible which it won't be. So we are thinking of either slate effect tiles or metal now. Electrics adds listed buildings consent so veering to doing that later if needed. Currently if not sleeping and no electrics we just need planning bearing in mind its listed and in conservation area. I've now found 2 more shed companies online and DH is very keen on one of them and so am I but need to make contact after we have done more measuring re RPA for tree. Its based in Devon but works nationwide.

DH is nearly finished at work but has been a bit grumpy and I'm so important as I have a job. I think that's his Mums influence but will be glad when he's stopped work.

@Tulipandmagnolia DH used to be like that! He thought he was a hero for going to work, and one day, I’d admit it.

Eventially, I told him, if he did something wrong at work, it’s only money; whereas I was responsible for DCs’ lives! Having worked in the same profession as him in a nice quiet office, it was a doddle; because he didn’t have three people screaming in his ear. Plus, the adults he dealt with, didn’t try to lie, cheat and bully him all the time.

It all sounds very complicated about sheds? Here in Scotland, they seem to have dark green sheds, which look good among the countryside!

@Tulipandmagnolia love that you have gone all in and read the rules yourself. I’ve painted some garden structures a pale green and they disappear into the garden.

@FrostySunRun it just shows how massive and what a tremendous effort it has been for DD2, she must have given everything she had. We have the same build up and crash after assignments (and during!) My instinct is to think study is over there is lots of room for fun/dentist/haircuts etc but it’s the opposite. Currently needing 10 hours of sleep at least plus a nap. Hope DD2 regulates soon as I’m sure you must be very tired by now.

I did it with AI which was nice to be able to have something that isn't deaf like DH and can communicate and doesn't tell you its got a big important job or is far too busy so can't help. 😂It was surprisingly intelligent once we got going.

One thing it pointed out was the thatched option if we have it the preferred way it said to do maintenance you would need to be in neighbours garden. So it made it clear that option was out. And said about drainage.

I think there will be a few suitable options re paint colour. I didn't want bright anyway so muted is fine and don't want black but seems cream /pale green /pale blue are normally accepted. I was thinking of cream with dark red door and tbh even if they reject a dark red door worst they will do is get you to repaint it but since they won't see it it should be fine. I think metal maybe noisy so think slate effect tile maybe best option. So think we have a design, a preferred company, just need to measure outside re tree for best size and then talk to new company and do planning application. DH is having his last lunch at work at the pub.

Argh think 5th company maybe a scam. Their photos are coming up as other people's. Oh well only sent 1 e-mail and no money but thought we had a decision. Well we do but its finding a company that makes it.

@RedRegular your body winding down does not sound good, but the rest sounds positive. A night away!

@FrostySunRun I hope today has been a little less tricky.

I am thankful it is Friday.

DS3 doesn’t go to Explorers anymore because it wasn’t working for him. As he isn’t in a school, he doesn’t get residential trips via there either. Funding for a residential trip a year is part of our current appeal for him, but in the meantime, I am looking at funding a trip ourselves. Some kind of activity centre or camp. Not PGL type places because they can’t meet DS3’s needs on their holidays/camps anyone can attend. I’m looking at Bendrigg. Also, Calvert, but I know they have horses which DS3 is allergic to. I am considering Center Parcs too. Any suggestions to look at are appreciated.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream i have not been but a friend enjoyed it a few years ago:Bluestone in Wales

I'm not sure if you have a preferred area, @scoopofmintchocchipicecream but Avon Tyrrell has a good rep.

Would he be eligible for Over the Wall? As a family I imagine rather than individual.

Thanks @RedRegular and @Lougle. I will add those to the list. No preferred area other than in England or Wales. The right place is more important than where it is.

@drspouse DSs can’t attend Over The Wall camps for infection control reasons. They could take part in the Camp in the Cloud, but virtual interaction doesn’t work for any of them.

I think that Calvert Kielder doesn't have horses (though it is only just in England).

Oh that's a shame @scoopofmintchocchipicecream though we have not been yet! I know they have a camp for immunosuppressed DCs but I also know soil etc can be problematic.

My aunt said that there used to be social groups for children with the same condition (my cousin has it) but they stopped them for similar reasons but also because children would grow up and want to marry other people they knew through the groups.

Thanks @NoHaudinMaWheest.

@drspouse their camps are supposed to be good, so you should enjoy it.

The condition is one of the diagnoses Over The Wall has as one of their exclusion criteria for all their in-person camps.

Yes, infection control policies have come a long way from clubs, holidays, visiting others’ hospital beds/rooms and sitting on other patients' hospital beds as more has been learnt about cross-infection and different bacteria. Although some still choose to mix.

What sort of things does he like to do @scoopofmintchocchipicecream ? Is it a camp experience or a holiday/activity one you are looking for? I am very pro trips and experiences. For us better than weeks of school because we can piggyback so much on them.

@Lougle slow down! Honestly I know it’s tempting to push as hard as you can and get it done but you must be exhausted. I don’t like the sound of delayed car. That stage was ghastly for us.

@Tulipandmagnolia what sort of base are you standing it on? It sounds like you are getting closer to what you want with each iteration which is a good way to work.

ds is really struggling. He’s very cuddly which is nice, but so tired and lethargic. I’ve taken him to McDonald twice this week just to see a little interest in leaving the house. Activities are still going but he can’t make it through the sessions anymore.

@RedRegular what do you mean winding down? Your DDs progress is amazing. It makes me so happy thinking about how far she’s come.

red great that you are thinking about a night away with DH.

@Zeonlywayisup most likely symptoms of fatty liver, pre-diabetes, stress and sleep deprivation. I’m up for an early C25K run today. Trying to unwind years of self neglect and avoid diabetes. Hope your health drive is still progressing. I think it’s going to take me months to turn a corner.

The King's Trust has some schemes but not sure if it would be suitable for your ds. Also the Duke of Edinburgh's Award website has a searchable list of activity providers that you could filter for those that are accessible to youngsters with SEN that might at least give you a few other providers to look up. Am a bit saddened that they stopped the National Citizen's Service scheme as doing this gave ds1 a lot of confidence.

Sorry DS is struggling @Zeonlywayisup, well done on getting him out. We have an existing concrete base which is 12 foot by 6 foot. I have realised with the tree route protection area we cannot extend the base in any useful way so this effectively rules out all the thatched company options. We also have to check whether the current base at 10 foot is already is the RPA, its very borderline. AI thinks we should be 1 cm out of it, at 9 foot we are 4cms out of it. Doing those measurements will help cut down options - we are currently down to firm 2, firm 3 and firm 4. We are not sure about a metal roof, they have got through here and that firm does good value versus quality ones and can adjust size and looks like a cottage but would be noisy in rain. Having said that whenever there is thunder and a storm DS goes out to stand in it. It might be that he would like the noise of rain of a metal roof even. 🤔Firm 3 aren't as pretty but very solid but limited roof choice, just felt or rubber, I love the guy who makes them but DH is very bothered about appearance and they don't have the cute look, not a bad look but not the best. Firm 2 has the very pretty sheds but 14mm cladding, good choice of roofs and we saw them being made and all was fine, not the best value for money but not bad and after the thatched quote everything looks cheap. We would need to paint ourselves all of the options to ensure was pressure treated wood, the very pretty sheds DH loves are generally not pressure treated and don't last well. Firm 2 admitted this as well.

@RedRegular the hidden cost of caring so many outside this world don’t realise.

@Zeonlywayisup I’m sorry DS is struggling. Can you pinpoint why or is it a mixture of things?

I’m looking for outward bounds type activities such as climbing, kayaking, archery, biking, etc. Similar activities to what DC do on PGL type trips, but not PGL type places because they can’t meet DS’s needs on their holidays anyone can book on to. He needs somewhere where he can do activities on his own or if he is able to on the day within a carefully matched small group of 1-3 other CYP.

Between school residentials when DS3 was in school and Scouting camps, we had built a bit of independence in staying away from home and being accepting of others helping him overnight and in mornings and evenings rather than me/DH. I don’t want to lose that progress, so I’m looking for somewhere DS3 and his LSA and PA can go for 1-3 nights. We don’t have overnight respite from social care for him and don’t need it, but it is good for him to be away from us overnight sometimes.

@OneInEight looking at the DofE’s approved provider list is a really good shout. Thank you!

We've used Adventure Okehampton a few years back (2020 or 2021) and they were amazing with DS (gorging) though probably depends who you get. Not geared to SN and would need to drive. Though the guy we had was the best person with DS we have ever had.

adventureokehampton.com/activities/

@Tulipandmagnolia thanks. Were the activities just your family? The problem with that type of placement is their family holidays usually involve joining in with other people. DS3 wouldn’t cope with that. Wherever it is needs to have to ability to work with DS3 (and his LSA/PA) 1:1 rather than in a wider group. Some days it would work in a small group with certain types of other DC, but other days it wouldn’t.

Yes we only did the one but it was just me and the 2 kids. I think maybe DH was supposed to join but didn't. I don't know if they would do without an adult but you could do just your family fine though check with them as may vary by activity. He was the most patient man ever, would have given him a full-time job with DS. He let me leave when I felt unwell and took the kids by himself the rest. DS wasn't talking much at the time but talked to him. He asked DS permission to do everything and so DS trusted him. The gorging one was walking through a small river over rocks. We did kayaking I think with another place and Dartmoor llamas but both those had other people. Think we stayed at Dartmoor llamas apartment. One time the apartments in Watermouth Castle but that's further, it had a pool which in 2020 /2021 you got sole use of an hour or two a day but don't know if it'll still be like that as that started in covid but they did continue it after. It had mini golf and use of the gardens. In 2020 you had the whole theme park to yourselves.