Mail on Sunday Magazine

[lottiejenkins]

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

Hardly trawling the web (I don't have time). One quick google - I thought from the little hints you dropped that we might be impressed with who you were that you were a regular.

Think some others have done it from the previous comments.

And actually Talies- hate to be pedantic but this part of the site is to provide support for parents of children with SN.

I don't think you fall into that category.

You seem to be on here purely to wind people up. Or do you have a different motive for posting?

jonkat this a sn support topic.
it supports people who care for people with sn.
so that is not JH.
I would never have heard of this woman but she chose to write a book.
she chose to abandon her 5 month old baby.
she chose to present this as an alternative.
this gives me and anyone else the right to comment.
if she had done all this quietly none of us would ever had heard of her and her dreadful husband.

"To knowingly perpetuate an untruth is called lying."

Like suggesting that most families of profoundly disabled babies want to kill them?

Foster care should be a last resort. In most cases it leads to the birth parents having limited (if any) contact with their child. In many cases it leads to a succession of placements.

That bit of the story seems to to have been forgotten.

One of the things that upsets me about this situation is that nobody appears to have told JH she COULD look after Immie. Nobody appears to have given her any emotional support or encouragement. She had a toddler (hard work at the best of times) and a severely disabled baby. She was exhausted, possibly suffering from PND, with two very young children to look after. Yet nobody appears to have helped her to think she could at least try for a bit longer. The doctor who gave a dreadful prognosis for Immie (now proved wrong, she shows emotions, recognises people, enjoys things). The vicar who said it wasn't her destiny, but someone else's to care for Immie. Her partner who couldn't cope and suggested killing his daughter, then wouldn't eat the neals in the house.
I wonder, if there had been more support, more people telling JH about how there is always hope, whether she would have got through the desperately dark place she must have felt.

wowzers..this has got well out of hand...

Jonkat, im afraid im going to agree with the others here, you are not helping the thread. I would give up!!

as for the 'one quick google' thing, do you routinely google other posters to find things out about them? how is that support?

Im not going to buy JH's book, im not going to get involved by reading blogs and and watching Richard & Judy. I have a life.

I hope the rest of the SN threads are a bit more, well, ...i was going to say nice, but then again there's nothing wrong with a healthy argument.

I really do have to do some work now!!!these things do not get done on thier own!!

PipinJo, I dont think that fio's comment was about you

crossed posts fio

jonkat
thnks for calling me a liar.
what else is deciding to leave your baby in hospital if it is not abanding the baby?
I used the word care. I am a carer I look after my dd. I wipe her bump/nose chin clear up sick love her cuddle her and loads of other stuff. that is what I mean by care. not the occasional visit.
why would JH need support on the sn topic?(genuine puzzlement)
as for people with a differnet view. there have been quite a few on here and apart from one(talisman) i respect their views.

I have reported the post where I have been accused of lying.(very pissed of about that)
I have asked mn hq why people are being allowed to come on the sn topic purely to attack the sn posters.
I have asked fro the reply to be posted on this thread.

Quite, FioFio. I've got some fairly strong opinions on this whole thing but I've not posted them either here or on "the other forum", this whole thing is far too close to the bone for a lot of real people and has got waaaay personal.

Actually, I think it's a shame that JH didn't use forums like this one to do a bit more market research before putting this book out: she seems to have just thought that she would be criticised for her initial decision to foster Imi out. Of course there has been an initial element of that, but the real hostility has mostly stemmed from someone who is fundamentally an NT parent writing a book about the SN experience without really understanding how long-term SN parents relate to their children. Though intellectually I can understand her ignorance, as the parent of a child with a profound learning disability I can't help find her language and current attitude in all the quotes I have read deeply offensive. A little more empathy for the people she purports to be trying to help would have avoided that.

Hi everyone I am back off school runs and other tasks.

No, I am not on here to wind things up at all.

(Thanks for finding that website btw yurt I had forgotten about that and will delete it as soon as I can work out how)

To repeat where I started from:

JH has done what she thought was best for Immie. That was the right thing to do.

You are all doing what you feel is best for your kids (presumably), that is a right thing to do.

She has done something different to what many of you have done.

I say "different" many of you say "wrong".

I do not presume to judge, you do, that is your right. I do not agree with you that is my right.

I do wonder that if JH had been surrounded by supportive people and proper support from day one she might have chosen another path. But that is another matter, at the end of the day Immie seems to have done well out of the situation.

Incidentaly, "abandon your baby" is when you stick them in a bag with a blanket and leave them outside the vicar's house. Not when they are in a hospital setting.

I can think of a few other occasions where I have known desperate parents of children, driven to the end of their ability to cope and still being denied services and help have left their child in the district office or respite centre or hospital.

That is not abandonment it is desperation. You condemn them if you like, I will not.

Yes, where people describe other human beings as "animals" (in a pejorative sense) or "incapable of inteligence" I really will come out of my corner spitting and snarling.

That I find very offensive and have and will challenge people who express those views.

Please keep the channels open Mamzon, as I said I am not aiming to wind anyone up. Well not on this thread anyway, and I really enjoy discussion as it is through open mature discussion that progress can be made.

I hope some of the above makes sense to some of you.

Abandon - English Dictionary

----------------

1. To cast or drive out; to banish; to expel; to reject.
2. To give up absolutely; to forsake entirely ; to renounce utterly; to relinquish all connection with or concern on; to desert, as a person to whom one owes allegiance or fidelity; to quit; to surrender.
3. Reflexively: To give (one's self) up without attempt at self-control; to yield (one's self) unrestrainedly; -- often in a bad sense.
4. To relinquish all claim to; -- used when an insured person gives up to underwriters all claim to the property covered by a policy, which may remain after loss or damage by a peril insured against.
5. Abandonment; relinquishment.
6. A complete giving up to natural impulses; freedom from artificial constraint; careless freedom or ease.
7. the trait of lacking restraint or control; freedom from inhibition or worry; "she danced with abandon"

she did abandon. And she also, and I am sure this is a quote, exorcised, to get rid of all 'evidence' of Immmie. I am sure those are quotes formt he book.
Looks like a dictionary definition to me.As quoted below.

Talies- it comes up as about the 3rd item if you google Talieinfraction. Other stuff that you have written on the web comes up as well. You need a more common username if you want to remain anon. I did rather like the video of the lorry driving up the snow.

Jamsam no of course I don't routinely google other posters. That would be ridiculous. I dont actually think that Talies is here to receive support. Way back when he started posting in the depths of this thread he played a little game inviting us to guess who he might me, and suggesting we might be shocked/surprised to find out who he was. I googled hoping he'd be a government minister or something exciting (although expecting a regular- which I thought he was for a while), but finding actually he's just a bloke in Wales.

Cat and mouse. If he hadn't dropped little hints that his identity might be quite interesting I wouldn't have bothered looking.

For fio info, (and anyone who is interested) I asked for my posts to be deleted MNHQ deleted them at my request, not the other way around.

She did abandon her daughter.
She has written a book which allows me to view her entirely as I see fit.
This is a SN thred. I find it really offensive that anyone would come here and play sarcastic, smart mouth word games over such a difficult issue if they are not regulars. Pretty cheap fuckwittery IMO.
For exactly the same reasons as I would never consider it appropriate to go to a support forum for parents who have in any way relinquished care of a SN child. I think that would be hugely inappropriate and I would not do it.