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Primary School Auties 10: Summer and beyond 2022

1000 replies

LightTripper · 19/07/2022 10:58

Thread 10.

Ooops, sorry, filled up the last thread without noticing - here we are at THREAD 10!! (How did that happen?)

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

OP posts:
carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 08/09/2022 19:39

Sorry @ahna68 remind me, how old is she and how many days does she do in the Sen nursery and the mS one? Does she have support in the mS one? What do they mean she can’t go anymore, why? What is she doing exactly? Excluding due to a disability puts them on thin ice I would have thought. Though I completely understand the feeling you will have that you don’t want her there if they don’t want her, I felt like that with DS.

agree it’s shocking re the Queen, she looked frail with Liz Truss but not so near the end…

ahna68 · 08/09/2022 19:52

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes she’s 3, does 2 days mainstream. Used to be 5, she started SEN in January. But they can’t up the days. Mainstream has been mostly ok especially as they’ve had her for a while and so one or two of the ladies know her really well and are somewhat invested. But they struggle now w escape risk (she tries to climb the fence etc) and today think it was the bad meltdowns that lasted all day. They didn’t call us oddly. They just said they don’t have enough staff and it’s not really possible to watch her and the other kids. I think legally they can’t exclude her but they are definitely pushing pushing us to do something. Our DD2 is at the same daycare (loves it) and so we don’t want to damage the relationship I guess.

just breaks my heart. Feels like the opposite of the glowing ‘school report’ we would all dream of. My NCT group are sending a ton of pre school pics and I find it tough, feels like a different life really

dimples76 · 08/09/2022 19:54

The Queen's death has upset me more than I thought I think because it reminded us of my Gran who died in December aged 100.

School seems to be going fine when he's there but DS's behaviour is much worse with me. I took him and DD to swimming lesson after school today. Think I may have to just cancel the rest and lose the money. I will try again next week. I think that DS infuriated the teacher - he ignored 99% of her instructions. I have not seen him be like that before with someone with instructional authority. DD was actually v good - almost depressing to see her aged 3 and over 6 years younger making more progress. The good news is that the swimming has properly tired them out and they are both now sleeping peacefully

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 08/09/2022 22:09

@ahna68 shes 3, a lot can change. At 3 DS was thrown out of SALT for biting the therapist several times, he would also leg it left right and centre. He’s not like that anymore. Are you close to the NCT group? I think it’s important to surround yourself with the right people who get it and understand (which is why we are so marvellous of course 😇.) She has a lot of time to learn and develop and in the right environment I’m sure she will. DS has wasted all this time in MS with as you say me having to fight all the time (and yes I’ve a pressured, stressful job too and another child and was trying to balance that relationship with school because DD is there also.) But 2 days in to this placement there’s 2 letters in his bag saying can I consent to 2 things they believe will really help him. I doubt his MS school would have a clue (they hadn’t even heard of pecs ffs.) So hopefully you will get her in the right place for her soon. Keep talking to us in the meantime!

Wow Dimples I’m impressed you did a lesson. On hol I was thinking DSs total inability to follow/ listen to any instructions makes me think he will never swim. DDs bright idea was just to whip the arm bands off. Went down like a lead balloon. Literally…. 😖😖😖

LightTripper · 09/09/2022 09:41

@dimples76 DD completely lost her ability to do swimming lessons when she started school. I think sometimes when they are managing school things do get tougher at home. It's annoying paying for things and then not being able to use them though. Do you get DLA? If not I would have thought it's worth applying, as this kind of risk of paying for things (classes, clothes, shoes) that in the end you can't use I always think is one of the additional costs of having a SEN child that other people often just don't see.

It's great that the new school is being proactive @carriebradshawwithlessshoes . I hope he settles in and enjoys it too as they get to know him better.

That sounds really tough @ahna68 and I think it's completely normal and valid to feel frustrated!

I felt surprisingly emotional about the Queen too. She's just been such a constant presence, and although I'm not a royalist her steadfast presence has felt worth something with all the awfulness going on in all directions the last few years. It feels very unmooring somehow, and very sad for her family.

OP posts:
dimples76 · 09/09/2022 10:01

Light that sums up how I feel about the Queen's death. We do get DLA but unfortunately that is basically used to finance me working part time as DS would not cope with tea club etc.

I am kicking myself re the swimming as I did wonder if I should skip this week given it's the first week back. My Mum has offered to come along next week so I think that we'll give it at least one more go.

Ahna it's so tough but try not to compare (not practicing what I preach half the time!)

I am wondering if I give DS too many choices. For example on the way home from swimming I said to DS shall we go left or straight on at the roundabout and DS said left but then proceeded to scream all the way home that I needed to turn around and go the other way. There is also an opportunity for DS to join the school choir and I asked if he wanted to do it. He said no. When I was chatting to another parent at pick up, she said she just told her child 'you're starting choir next week'.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 09/09/2022 10:58

You could try a week of not giving choices Dimples as a trial…. See what happens? Re the swimming do you have to get in? Can DD just do the lesson (I assume you mean just lose the money for DS, are there separate lessons?). Take DS somewhere else nice during that time if you don’t have to stay or drop him with your mum or someone if you do have to stay?

in the circs given DSs needs I would have thought they would have let him have a try and if it didn’t work out refund you. Tbf i would think they would have done that anyway?!

dimples76 · 12/09/2022 09:39

Carrie they did an intensive summer course with the same company which went v well. However it was a different instructor and DS was much better regulated in the hols. I always knew it was a gamble so if I lose some money I can live with it. Some of these things you've got to try ...Talking of which DS has now decided that he wants to go to school choir.

I am going to experiment with giving less choices

Despite us all getting up at 6 it was still a rush getting out the door for 8:30. I must improve our morning routine!

openupmyeagereyes · 12/09/2022 15:41

I phoned to get an update on my DLA claim today and it’s not on the system. Typical. Luckily I sent it guaranteed delivery so they will investigate and get back to me. It’s 13 weeks this week. I have a feeling I will have to send it off again and wait another 3 months…

dimples76 · 12/09/2022 17:36

Oh no Open how frustrating!

DS seems to have decided to just not follow any instructions recently. Not in an angry/defiant way - just completely ignoring me. On the way home from school he ran into a friendly acquaintance's house and ran upstairs. Then we went to collect DD from nursery and he started messing with stuff there. DD's key worker said 'I bet you're looking forward to bedtime'.

SusanStoHelitsPoker · 12/09/2022 17:51

How frustrating @openupmyeagereyes ,just what you need!

DS has had another tricky day at school apparently. I mean I'm not surprised really, they're recruiting for tas so currently have lots of temp people in, which as you can imagine isn't great for someone who gets anxious about change. I'm wondering about anxiety meds again but everyone looks at me like I've got about 8 heads!
Argh, 6 more weeks til half term!
I mean, yes I know school stresses him out. Not really sure what I'm meant to do about it, really.
Solidarity @dimples76 ! I bet you are, indeed, looking forward to bedtime!

dimples76 · 12/09/2022 19:23

Susan hope that things settle down at school soon. It must be hard with temp staff.

openupmyeagereyes · 13/09/2022 06:25

dimples I hope this phase passes soon and ds was better yesterday evening.

Susan ds was less anxious last year wasn’t he? It’s still early days in the new term, hopefully he’ll settle back in.

danni I hope you’re recovering now you’ve got some time to yourself.

liv is ds ok going in?

carrie how is ds doing this week.

Light I hope dd is not too anxious going back.

Ahna did you have any further discussion with the nursery?

School is going pretty well
so far here 🤞

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 13/09/2022 09:41

Morning all, Open that’s great re school but rubbish re the DLA. What is wrong with people? I remember expressing my concerns about DSs development to our senior GP when he was tiny and him saying having kids is hard enough without worries on top. Well it’s hard enough then having worries on top and people who are supposed to ‘help’ being useless and causing more stress.

Dimples, how long to get ready??? 😬😬. What do you do?! I leave 45 mins to get up, dressed, showered (me, kids have one night before), quick brekkie and we are out the door! Bags done night before etc. We have just got DS a new bed tho and he’s unhappy about getting out of it… Dimples, DS also does the selective ignoring. When he was younger he used to just close his eyes as if to say I can’t see you so you aren’t there. He still does it now sometimes.

Susan, hopefully the TA situation will resolve. Not sure about anxiety meds… from my dabble with the adhd meds I felt for DS they created more problems than solved. I suppose adjusting the environment is better as addressing root cause, he wasn’t anxious was he with you over summer and goes on hols, out with you, abroad even etc ok? So is this issue just a temporary one do you think? If so I wouldn’t rush for meds unless there were issues across the board.

All ok here. DS is still looking solemn when going in but comes out happier. We had the discussion last week with his teacher on Fri and she said he had really settled in to it as the week went on although it’s frustrating that he behaves in a far less advanced way there than at home, I wonder if this is normal? For ex she said ‘DS is eating his lunch, I appreciate he can’t use cutlery as he eats with his fingers’. So the next time he was eating at home with a fork I recorded it and emailed it to the teacher. She replied and said oh! I never would have guessed. I’m only not pushing him because I honestly thought he couldn’t do that but I’ll push him now. Yesterday she messsged to say he had eaten all his curry with a spoon. It’s so frustrating though… I want him to show his best side to them! Bizarrely DD would be far better behaved at school than home, he’s the opposite! So I’m preparing to sneak around with a phone to record him in the next few weeks if needs be. The overall upshot was tho that they are going to prioritise communication above all else which is great. The issue with DS though is that his ‘drivers’ are so limited. So yesterday he was by the end of the day communication fluently for sweets, food etc using various forms which they say he picked up quickly but not for other less desirable (to him) things. God knows what to do about that!!

how are you Danni, and hello to Light, Liv and Ahna !

dimples76 · 13/09/2022 17:36

Good news re school Open.

Carrie I have no idea where the time goes. I do the bags the night before and have a shower then as well! DS cannot be hurried in the morning and always claims to have last minute needs (eg having a poo, hugging his pillow) DD is a tipper - she loves emptying containers and not so much tidying them away. They have also got in the habit of having a 2 course breakfast

openupmyeagereyes · 13/09/2022 19:16

Oooh! Two course breakfast dimples? Sounds lush, what does it consist of? Ds has cereal and toast every day!

carrie that sounds like great progress for ds, I’m sure his usage will expand once he sees the benefit. Generalisation can take a bit of time. I don’t think it’s uncommon for behaviour to be different at school and home. There’s more pressure at school than at home and while some kids mask, others perhaps go the other way more. Hopefully once he’s more settled and comfortable he will show more what he’s able to do.

danni0509 · 13/09/2022 19:41

Hi all.

I’ve just had a quick read.

open what a joke about your DLA form, I hope they sort that out for you.

carrie ds school used to message me daily, I haven’t heard a thing since he went back a week ago. They are so strange, it’s all or nothing with them.

Poor Queen. It made me sad when the news came on to say she’d died. I’d had it on all day and knew it wasn’t good when all the family were going to her bedside. I’ll miss her 3 o clock speech on Xmas day, no offence to Charles and I’m sure he won’t read this thread and take any offence to what I have to say anyway lol, but no one can replace the queen for me. I loved her.

Ds starts 6 hours a day next Tuesday (after the bank holiday) so he’ll be out 7 hours a day. 8.30 pick up, 3.30 drop off.

I sent his teacher an email during the last week of summer holidays I said I’m not accommodating ds coming home at 2pm anymore and leaving at 9.10am. I was really blunt and said I’m not going to be home for him. 🤣🤣🤣 (nothing else I’ve said makes them understand)

I got no reply, he’d been back at school a week and I heard nothing from them so was planning my next move, then Sunday dinner his teacher emailed and said sorry he hadn’t been in touch x y z excuse and that ds is welcome to attend for a full school day to start when ever I decide, so I spoke to the taxi and she has to drop another run (which has only been possible for her to do around ds doing altered hours) but she will drop the other run and do solely ds but she needs to give a weeks notice (which to be honest isn’t mine or ds problem) but I’d rather ds kept her as he really likes her and as I’ve said previously she’s lenient with ds behaviour so would rather not lose her she’s been taking him nearly a year and a half.

So that brings us to next Tuesday him going FULL time (first time and he’s in year 4 !)

danni0509 · 13/09/2022 19:52

Dont know what is going on with the supervision at ds school lately.

Ds came home covered in a rash all over his neck and face today, like an allergic reaction, the taxi said he came out like it but they never said Anthing to her, so I asked him what it was and he said he put spicy sauce from the teachers sauce bottle on his hands and rubbed it on his face and neck and he got told off for touching the teachers sauce, so I bathed him and put some Aveeno on and his face and neck is on fire tonight. Bright red.

Friday taxi said he came out with 3 pieces of Lego in his mouth she noticed as he was getting into the car and she made him spit them out and his teacher said she hadn’t realised apparently, then the first day back last week I was washing his uniform on the night and he had 3 fuck off sharp nails in his shorts pocket, I asked where he got them and he said the classroom.

He told me today he’s a slug killer, I said what ds? He said he ripped a slug in half and threw it at X and the teacher called him a very cruel little boy (way to specific for him to make it up). I get it’s cruel (I hate it when he kills spiders in the garden) but this is a SS? I’m sure it’s quite common behaviour?

Anyway I’m not best pleased at the minute, for those reasons and something he’s breaking every day, I don’t blame ds im blaming school 🤣 lack of supervision.

His first day back he broke £160 pedro boots he’d worn for the first day, I’ve had to ring orthotics and they are going to freak when he goes in 2 weeks with them, he goes through them quick but not after a day, he lost his brand new drinks bottle never to be seen again and broke the zip on his brand new lunch box.

danni0509 · 13/09/2022 19:58

Lack of supervision and I’ve been creating for an eternity to send him for more hours! 😂😂

Ds is in a new class with no children from last year and 2 new teachers. I got told he was in x class and this info just before the summer holidays, then the newsletter mentioned his class was a different class, anyway I don’t even know what class he’s in, I asked him and he said a different class to the two I thought 🤣 honestly it’s one of 3 I just don’t know which.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 13/09/2022 21:42

Ooo just to say result Danni on the hours!!!! Well done!!!

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 13/09/2022 21:43

And no, I don’t think Charles is on mN 🤣🤣🤣🤣

livpotter · 14/09/2022 06:45

Great news about the hours danni. I would be very unhappy about them using the word cruel!

Carrie ds doesn't show his full potential at school, not the schools fault really. As open says there's a lot of other stuff going on there that they don't have to deal with at home. I find with ds he opens up more the longer he's there and the further into the year he gets, when he's more settled.

Open I'm glad school is going ok.

Dimples I feel you on the tipping!! Dd is an unbelievably messy child, she loves having everything she owns out at all times.

So ds has been doing brilliantly about going into school, without even a bribe.
That was until yesterday morning when he threw off his shoes and socks and told me he was staying in his room. I did manage to get him on the bus a little late and then he had a good day apparently. I'm hoping he's more willing this morning.

dimples76 · 14/09/2022 14:33

Liv that's really positive, hope that yesterday was just a blip and that today is better.

Danni great news on the hours. I used to think that your DS's school communicated a bit too much - bit odd that they have gone quiet. I have to confess that DS's cruelty to animals really triggers me and I have probably used inappropriate language in the heat of the moment.

Open DS normally starts with toast or crackers sometimes accompanied by a raw egg! And then his second course is porridge. Unfortunately he likes a gap between his courses and I can't dress him until after he's eaten (well I could but he would be splattered with porridge).

openupmyeagereyes · 15/09/2022 06:09

danni that’s fantastic news that ds is going to be on ft hours for the first time. You will be able to have a proper break.

Ds and I had a 1:1 session with the forest school teacher yesterday. Ds just explored the area and played which is fine as I just want him to get used to it so he feels comfortable accessing it with his class. At home in the afternoon he got completely upset and dysregulated after watching a YouTube video - bloody stupid gamers doing pranks on their friends in minecraft. Took me a while to calm him down then I put on a Disney film for him to watch. He hasn’t watched an actual film in ages but sat and watched it all which was nice.

livpotter · 15/09/2022 06:34

A raw egg dimples! See

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