Primary School Auties 10: Summer and beyond 2022

[LightTripper]

Thread 10.

Ooops, sorry, filled up the last thread without noticing - here we are at THREAD 10!! (How did that happen?)

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Well done to your DS @openupmyeagereyes

Good luck tomorrow Carrie. Glad to hear that there were positives today Open and Susan.

DS is back tomorrow and has been rather challenging the last couple of days. It was DD's first day at preschool today and she was anxious at drop off whilst DS was being terribly defiant and destructive. Fingers crossed tomorrow is better ...

Good luck today dimples & carrie and anyone else starting today.

carrie I wouldn’t say you were over thinking it, I know you’ve had people say negative things and we do take those to heart. I would say that, first it’s very unprofessional for any ‘expert’ to say categorically this is what will happen. The truth is they don’t know, people defy odds every day. A range of possible outcomes might be appropriate as guidance, if needed. Secondly, remember that anything they say (or anyone) is simply their opinion, that’s all, and their opinion is not fact. I hope ds has a great first day.

Susan great ds had a good morning, hopefully the anxiety settles quickly now he’s back.

Well terrible start. DS slept 9.30 til 11.30 then up til 5. Went in like a zombie holding the hand of the Head 😖😖

Ouch carrie, hopefully he rallies. The good thing about SS is that he’ll get to have quiet time if he needs it.

@openupmyeagereyes Im telling myself it’s a long game with school. I’m not rallying btw, am knackered! 🤣. Will update later.

DH did say he hoped they wouldn’t let him sleep all day…I dread to think!

Oh dear Carrie. Hope that the day has gone better for him than you dare hope.

Well they said he had been fine, not particularly tired. Absolute chaos on pick up, I need to get the bus sorted for him. He was covered in pen and glitter….so I really don’t know. As some of you have said though, I did feel whilst waiting for him that there were no other children really like him (that I saw.) Actually most were a lot older, 13 plus. So whereas when he came out of the (I admit) awful MS school with 29 other kids and blended in with them, I didn’t feel that was the case at all today.

early days and the proof will be in the pudding I suppose.

he’s really tired now but no wonder given how little he slept.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Well that’s good carrie, hopefully he sleeps better tonight. He’s not in a class with 13 yo’s is he so I’m sure there are other children his age. Most of the kids at ds’ school come by taxi so maybe they leave separately?

Well DS wasn’t full of the joys of spring this morning! Last night he had been really upset, I think mostly due to being so tired. Anyway he slept well and off we went to school, dropping DD on the way.

he stood with me briefly in the playground but then started wailing and finally stood eyes clamped to the floor refusing to acknowledge anyone! Was led off and I saw him looking back for me then tried to come back…!

had an update from teacher yesterday (are daily updates the norm in SS??). Her comments were he had had a good day, interacted well with staff, engaged in activities for some time but had been teary after lunch and wanted a hug but then rallied a bit in the pm.

so will see….!

carrie I think it’s common for SS’ to give more feedback - ds’ school have comms books. It’s a big change for him so it’s bound to have some impact, hopefully he settles in soon.

I had a call today from CAMHS following GP referral. Told her all our issues and she will take it to the multi-disciplinary team to discuss how/(if, most likely) they can support.

Had a message from teacher saying DS has been up and down, which has of course sent my anxiety tonight through the roof. Horrible knotty tummy and wriggly chest feeling. Hate anxiety so much but find it so hard to shift. Roll on the weekend!!

Oh no hope you're feeling better this morning Susan.

Carrie definitely normal to have more info at SS. Ds has a daily home/school book.

Great that you heard from Camhs open. Hope they can help! Ds has been ok going back to school. Little bit of protest but not much. Having said that the novelty is still there at the moment, so we'll see if that stays the case as the week goes on!

You see I know it’s good to have updates but do they have to update so much (reading Susan’s post). What is that achieving? Ok if DS was really up and down for a prolonged period (as in over a week) I’d want to know but otherwise like Susan it just stresses me out, I just want them to get on with it and give me updates no less really than bi weekly unless there’s something major going on! School has dominated our lives so much for the last 2 years and caused so much angst I just want now for them to do what they feel they need to do with DS, ride with the ups and downs and have a catch up with me every so often.

AIBU??! 🤣🤣

my stomach is also in knots as teacher wants a chat tomorrow about how the week is going and ‘strategies’ and ‘goals’ after DSs SALT session yesterday. She did put she’s not worried about anything. NOOOO! Of course I replied saying that would be lovely, thank you very much…

great news open re CAHmS…

I did say to her really, it’s lovely to be updated but don’t feel you have to all the time (hint hint.) she replied saying it’s what they do so I know what’s happening. I darent say I don’t want to know what’s happening all the time….!

Carrie you could talk to them about it. Last year I had to talk to the school because the teacher was telling me irrelevant stuff in the home school book. I wrote an email to the head of the dept (the main contact I have) saying please can you alter what gets sent home to me ie. I need to know if he has eaten, if he is stressed and one thing that he has enjoyed.

For me I need to know about his behaviour in the day because it impacts us when he gets home and changes how I manage him, but I can understand that being anxiety inducing.

I was coming on to say what liv has, that what happens at school can have an impact on how they are when they get home and vice versa. So that sort of thing is good to know but I agree, no need for you to know the minutiae of the day if it's just going to stress you out, the headlines will do.

The meeting with the teacher to discuss targets is pretty standard I would think after a school move, and as you said previously you had never had an annual review, I would say it's pretty important as they need to have a benchmark and suitable targets to aim for. I'm sure this sort of thing won't be frequent but periodic.

We have been pretty consistent with an hour daily so far, but at least going into school happily for now.

I actually find that how DS has been in school has no bearing to how he is at home. Some days they say he’s been difficult and then he’s happy as larry when he gets in and vice versa. So I don’t really need to know for that reason as I’ll deal with him however he is when he comes home.

The message was a great idea Liv but I won’t rock the boat for now. I will in the call with her tomorrow make the point again. I liked Livs point about ‘one thing he has enjoyed.’ Reminds me of saying at his old school to tell me one positive thing and getting a blank look back.

Thay sounds good Open. Do you stay there? Can you try and extend it by coming home/ going somewhere else and seeing if staff can persuade him to stay longer then call you as and when appropriate?

Susan how are you feeling today?

dimples I hope school is going well.

<waves to everyone else>

Ds and I went swimming this afternoon. So nice when the kids go back to school, it was almost empty. I’m looking forward to the weekend. We’ve not been used to going in for 8:40 so it’s a bit of an adjustment after the summer. Thankfully the traffic is no worse for leaving earlier. Pre-covid I think it would have been much heavier.

Much better thanks @openupmyeagereyes ! I do have a tendency towards anxiety etc, just my personality I guess, and now I've transferred to worrying about the Queen! Glad you enjoyed swimming. I do like the level of comms from school, it's good to have such open communication, but I have a tendency to catastrophise!

Susan we have more to be anxious about than most, don’t we. Glad you’re feeling a bit better. I also like open comms from school because ds tells me so little.

I didn’t expect the news so soon. I thought it might be overnight

@openupmyeagereyes me too. Shocked! Makes me sort of homesick for Uk too ( in Europe). Tough day in a few ways - picked up DD and was told she had a ‘terrible day’ and basically that it’s not possible to have her there now . This is the mainstream daycare she does 2 days a week and there’s no capacity to increase the SEN one. My work is quite busy but I guess I will look at taking some ad hoc unpaid leave or something until she gets in the 5 days SEN school/preschool, hopefully only a couple months or so. Tough to hear this ‘feedback’ though, they were focused on it being hard for the other kids to handle which sort of p*ed me off. I guess you just get defensive don’t you. All this constant advocating is so exhausting

hope everyone is ok x