Primary School Auties 10: Summer and beyond 2022

[LightTripper]

Thread 10.

Ooops, sorry, filled up the last thread without noticing - here we are at THREAD 10!! (How did that happen?)

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

StarDog we had to buy them initially for the toys! However, ds watched a Greg’s World video of Clark having his first Macdonalds, and that prompted him to have a couple of fries and now he will eat a whole portion. I know it’s fast food but it’s the closest he’s got to potato in nearly 7 years so I’m very happy. So much so that we’ve been twice this week!

Yes to repetitive questions. Ds tends to do it when he’s really excited or into something, or when he’s anxious.

DS's repetitive/nonsense questions really get on my nerves even though I know they stem from anxiety, e.g. every day on the 15 minute walk to school he will ask me at least a dozen times when the school gates open, who lives at each of the houses we pass, whose car is that, at what time will it rain today etc. And rarely seems to listen to my responses. DD copies him a lot too - particularly wanting to know everyone's name. DS really wants to connect with people but I can see his questions irritate his classmates, e.g. one we see nearly every day he will ask the boy if that's his dog
Carrie your DS does seem to be communicating well
On the whole we have had a good half term. Highlights were a trip to a new to us swimming pool with slides and fountains, a funfair and DS and I had a lovely trip to the cinema to see Lyle Lyke Crocodile. Managed to get seats where I could respond to DS's endless questions without disturbing others.

We had a Halloween tea party at Granny's today. My nephew is doing well but totally unrecognisable on steroids. I had a burping competition with him and he can't eat enough and is eating all sorts. So I am feeling very grateful and lucky to have such amazing kids in my life. To think all those years that I longed to be a Mum and now I have my wonderful duo but also get to play a big part on my sisters' children's lives.

dimples that’s so lovely.

We’ve had tears at bedtime about going back to school tomorrow, poor little boy.

Dimples that is lovely. I totally agree about the barely listening to answers, I think that annoys me the most!
I'm sorry about how much your poor nephew and family have been through, so stressful. Steroids are amazing but horrible things to be on. My mum was on some super strong ones before she died and they really bloated her and made her want to eat all the time like your nephew. I hope thy can find what is triggering his asthma soon.

Good luck everyone getting their kids back to school today!

I don’t care for the mcds chips but do like everything else so I’d share a meal with your DC any day!!! 🤣. Yes good luck to everyone going back.

DS looked grumpy, refused to look at his teacher, started to walk in then when no one was looking did a quick u turn back to me so had to be intercepted. So will see…… I’m expecting v little. Teacher acknowledged the videos but didn’t say more.

i think the problem is it’s inherent in any one’s nature to not want to help someone who is stubbornly resisting it and that is DS at the moment! So I do hope school don’t give up on him in favour of all of the other kids who want to be there and are enjoying learning.

work today so no fun for me…

Hope that school return has gone well. DS was a nightmare at home this morning - screaming, spitting hitting, not following any instructions. But if you saw us arriving at school you would never know- smiley, chatty and practically skipped through the school gates.

I don’t know carrie, many would see it as a challenge. They do have a professional responsibility.

dimples tough morning, looks like he’s masking or do you think it’s just the transition? It will be interesting to see how he is at home afterwards.

Ds went into school ok after his upset last night, waiting to see how he’s been.

I know everyone will shout at me for saying this but if I could get DS going into a mainstream school happy, chatty, working and actually achieving something there I would take anything at home from him, really I would!!!!!

It's about DS and what's best for him though isn't it @carriebradshawwithlessshoes ? If he feels more secure in an environment, that's where he will flourish.

Uno but what if DS just doesn’t feel secure in a school environment? What if he will always feel happier at home? Does that mean he won’t flourish in any school (because where we are at the moment there are no other obvious options.)? I really don’t want an EOTAS arrangement but not sure where to go from here if it continues to not work.

but as you all say it’s early days so I have to give it some time.

That’s where we seem to be at the moment, but it’s a bit early still for your ds. He’s only just into his second half term.

Also, I imagine that a lot of dc, NT or otherwise would rather be at home than at school. Not all kids thrive, I imagine most just tolerate it as it’s not like they have a choice.

I know I keep mentioning Dr Becky, but she was on the Mel Robbins podcast last week where they talked about our triggers. Definitely worth a listen if you have the time.

Don't think DS will be v happy when he comes out as nursery called to say that DD has raised temp. So I am on my way to get her first - DS prefers 1:1 time after school. Can't be helped but DD will also be gutted as she will miss Preschool Halloween party and both might have to miss trick or treating. We have been counting down to Halloween since Easter ..

What a shame dimples. I hope ds is not too upset.

Phew, we made it out trick or treating. DD doesn't really seem ill- certainly if you saw her running down the street shouting Happy Halloween you wouldn't think anything was amiss.

DS was quite calm on exiting school but he certainly wasn't listening to any instructions on the way home. I am ready for bed

Hooray for making it out @dimples76 . My feet are throbbing but we had a fab time trick or treating then giving out sweets at home. All of us are knackered! DS just gone to sleep.
I am waiting for tomorrow now as I always feel lighter usually once this time has passed. For the second half of this month, I always feel closer to my ancestors and get to thinking about departed loved ones etc.
I have tomorrow off work so my plan is to change the litter trays. Rock and roll!

We had a good time trick or treating too! It's very "not me" (I hated both dressing up and talking to strangers as a kid) and I expected DD to hate it but she manages both the dressing up and the talking to strangers (I notice she always lets her friend knock the door and hangs back a bit - but she can say Happy Halloween and thank you which I'm not sure I would have managed at her age - definitely not in fancy dress!) Anyway, they had fun, we got plenty of sweets but also not absolute overload - there is some chance the kids might actually finish them before Christmas this year

Glad everyone had a good half term! We're still off this week so need to think of some things to do with the kids. We got them a second hand PS4 so now they really just want to stay in and play that (plus I don't know how to work it, so it's driving me slightly mad - makes me feel like a granny unable to access basic technology!) But anyway, they are very happy with it and it's nice to treat them out of the blue sometimes. DD had some holiday homework which she actually seems to have been quite happy to get on with in little bits here and there, which is really unusual, so that's made things much easier. And DS is getting a bit less resistant to reading so that's a win too!

I have to say, as fun as half term is I'm looking forward to next week too and just having some actual quiet time at home to get on with jobs. As always the house is totally getting away from me and I'd really love it if we can get a bit sorted out in time for Christmas (when the influx of new stuff will set the whole cycle off again!!)

Glad you all had fun trick or treating. We had a first trial run at my parents as ds has not done it before and he had fun handing out sweets there afterwards. They have a lot of kids on their road and we have hardly any, so definitely a better place to do it. He really enjoyed it and has even talked about eating a sweet so we’ll see what happens there <excited>

Well pigs have flown at chez Bradshaw. Message from the teacher saying yesterday DS had been fully compliant, engaged, sat and accurately worked on maths and other things. She sounded fairly astounded. I’d told him to listen to her in the car yesterday, not that that had any bearing I’m sure, probably more of a fluke and enjoying a change of scene after a week off. That all said I’m just pleased she has seen this as I sometimes think school think I’m making it up.

Glad the evenings went well. We went out, DD typically excited, DS I think enjoyed but walked around quite solemnly. As always I found myself wondering what he really ‘gets’. I remember a SALT saying to me once that autistic children don’t show a lot of emotions, do any of you think that or not? DS can be very expressive/ animated usually in his home comforts but when out and about is far more reigned in. I’ve lost track of the (annoying) comments made over the years such as ‘he’s deep in thought isn’t he’ or ‘it may never happen’ or ‘he’s a serious one isn’t he.’ I think if someone is speaking it matters less as some people just are more facially animated than others aren’t they, but if someone isn’t speaking and looking solemn/ blank it’s something people notice and pick up on a lot like, are they ok?? What’s wrong with them?

I sometimes wonder tho if these statements should be qualified with ‘some’ autistic children. Certainly yours all sound very expressive from your posts at appropriate times (such as last night/ Xmas morning etc.)

nevertheless we got round before torrential rain and of course he enjoyed the sweets.

And yes light I hate it too. It’s NOT me!! Just awful! DH laughed as I told him the drill last night was the kids knocked, the door opened, the kids screamed trick or treat/ happy Halloween/ I immediately apologised and said I didn’t think there would be too many more people coming now (it was late ish.) DH said omg that is just so you!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

carrie well done to your ds, what a great moment for him

I didn’t think that your ds was dx as autistic, though had ADHD. Is he on a waiting list for an ASD dx?

I would say that SALT is very out of date, and would agree that it should be some. Many of the kids I see regularly at ds’ school have a wide range of emotions and animated facial expressions. I don’t think my own ds is any different to a NT child in that respect. He probably zones out more and might act inappropriately, laughing at something that isn’t funny for instance (which many people do when they are nervous or unsure) but otherwise pretty normal I think.

He isn’t diagnosed Open, when he was younger (under 4) his then SALT was on a multidisciplinary panel for asd assessments and used to say don’t waste your money on an assessment, he wouldn’t get a diagnosis. Then he got bit older and everyone now just talks about him like he is and I am in the habit of doing the same. When I see far less impaired (possibly not the right word) kids who have a diagnosis I think it’s madness to think he wouldn’t get one. But he’s now in his SS, they have said they don’t treat any child differently depending on diagnosis so they moments passed (for now). I sort of feel I’ve more immediate issues to deal with, however on here I do still refer to him as autistic.

That all said (and no professional would back me on this) I do feel that when a child has no effective communication outlet it impacts on behaviours and other things enormously. Many people (such as lingle who writes so brilliantly about it) comment on how some behaviours/ things (like I hope DSs screaming) just fall away once the child can communicate/ speak and realise the power that they then have as a result of that. I suppose there’s therefore always been that issue at the back of my mind… I want to see how DS presents when communication is not an issue for him. It’s a long wait though.

That all makes sense carrie, especially now that he’s in SS and that you have funds (I assume) to do a private dx should it be necessary at some point rather than wait for NHS.

I really think that this is why you should use your card system to converse with him every day. You want him to feel like there is a point to conversation, that when I ‘talk’ people are interested in what I have to say. It might relieve some of the frustration for him.

I was going to add at the end open then got distracted that you are right about that, thanks for those comments. Got tied up with the t and t last night but the cards are at the ready! Also after a bit of pecs dabbling over the hol DS quite enjoyed being able to ask and school commented he was very responsive to their pecs yesterday, choosing what he wanted for a snack etc and then being pleased he got what he wanted.

so yes, I need to continue. It’s about him isn’t it, not me.

It is about him, yes, but what helps him also helps you (all).

Give yourself some grace though. The road to acceptance is different for everyone, none of us planned or expected this.

Pretty fed up with school again today. Teacher brought ds out half an hour before he’s supposed to have his SALT session - the second time they’ve done this. He was dysregulated and she forgot he had it (ffs), and of course it’s easier to just bring him out to me. I’m cooling down before I email the head about it.