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Primary School Auties 10: Summer and beyond 2022

1000 replies

LightTripper · 19/07/2022 10:58

Thread 10.

Ooops, sorry, filled up the last thread without noticing - here we are at THREAD 10!! (How did that happen?)

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

OP posts:
livpotter · 01/11/2022 11:10

That is seriously annoying open. Good luck with the email.

Great news Carrie! Hopefully he'll be more settled now.

Ds went in fine this morning thankfully. But did remind me severals times that we've made a 'deal' and I have to give him some Lego Mixels this week! Why does he always want toys that have been discontinued?!

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 11:17

Bloody YouTube liv. They see a video and no idea it’s 10 years old. We get that too!

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 01/11/2022 12:09

Open, that’s annoying. Could you say/ have said then oh but he has SALT doesn’t he? And let her take him back in. That said he would have then seen you. Would it be easier if you weren’t physically there, I would imagine so, even if you were nearby?? In a cafe or the like? I do think if they know you are there they will take the easy option. Do you think that if DS knows you are waiting too it may discourage him from staying longer? Do you stay because that’s a dealbreaker for DS?

hope he’s ok now and you have a nice pm together.

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 12:43

carrie when they bring him out they’ve told him he’s going home. He has his coat on and bag and we’re by the front entrance. When it happened last time I tried to get him to stay but he got more and more wound up and we had to leave after about 15 mins. They need to be more proactive about settling him and getting him to stay.

I’m there because he’s still anxious and it’s better than him refusing to go in at all. The more negative experiences he has, the more he won’t like it.

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 12:49

But yes, bringing him to me is the easy option because I’m there. I’m not sure what the answer is because we’re walking such a precarious line.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 01/11/2022 13:20

I think the answer Open is you carry on doing what you are doing if it’s working for DS but with a very firmly worded email to school reminding them of whatever SALT arrangements he has and in bold, capitals and underlined (🙄) that whilst you are physically present this is only for DSs benefit and you expect them to use their maximum skill and persuasion powers to keep him in school for as long as possible, settling him in, anything else specific you want to mention in exactly the same way as if you were not physically present!

is there any room to manoeuvre with DS… telling him you will be back for a certain time, telling him school will ring you when he’s ready to go etc etc. It would allow you some time to do something too, what do you do whilst there? You would hope school would work on that too with DS. Appreciate it’s a fine line tho.

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 13:58

He needs to see their EP - he is on her list (apparently) and then, hopefully, I can have a frank conversation with her about what the school can do and how we move forwards. Me going in was only supposed to be temporary, but we haven’t moved forwards so it’s continued.

So today he had got to the point where he was throwing things. I have seen kids being restrained when they are being violent and I don’t want that for him, I’d prefer them to bring him to me so it doesn’t escalate that much. I think that would make him not want to go back and I’m very uncomfortable with it. Perhaps I am just being completely unrealistic though.

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 14:08

The other thing is that he has got out of school twice and that worries me greatly. He is 8 and vulnerable. The first time they had no clue, the only reason I knew was because he came straight back into school to me. If he hadn’t done that then he could have gone anywhere and who knows how long it would’ve taken for them to realise. Because of this I am reluctant to leave him there alone.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 01/11/2022 15:10

How’s that happened? Do you mean out of the building? What’s their ratio? Think DS is in a class of 10 with 3 adults so can’t see how that could happen, did you tell them you weren’t happy, what did they say?!

Do you think he may be justified in not wanting to go there? As in it’s not a great provision for any child (maybe poorly worded but you know what I mean.)

obviously I understand why you are concerned.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 01/11/2022 15:14

Do you know what triggered the throwing, is it something the staff were doing/ not doing/ was he copying others? If he wasn’t like that going in and then it progressed to this there’s surely something that’s going on in the room that’s prompted this behaviour I would have thought. Is he bored?

openupmyeagereyes · 01/11/2022 15:46

carrie I don't really want to go into the details but yes, out of the building.

I wouldn't say that it's not a good school for any child. My ds seems to be a tricky case, he's both anxious about being at school and away from me/home and fairly unwilling to work while he's there. It's not like he asks to leave and they bring him straight to me. They persuade him to stay longer some days, other days he is more adamant and it escalates if they insist, which is most likely what happened today. We need to speak to the EP IMO.

UnoQueenie · 01/11/2022 17:58

My DS is similar behaviour if overwhelmed and its not about the room, it's about too many demands. Not great about getting out of school though. DS' class has 10 kids and 5 staff. He's been a bit up and down this week so far transitioning back to school.
@openupmyeagereyes if he's getting disregulated then school need to try strategies don't they. Zones of Regulation is great I find, is this something they use there? It separates the behaviour from the person and encourages self regulation. It's a long road though!

dimples76 · 01/11/2022 19:53

That's good that your boy was able to show them what he can do at school Carrie

That is really disappointing Open. Hope that you get a helpful response from the head

openupmyeagereyes · 02/11/2022 16:44

Uno they do do Zones of Regulation, but I'm unsure when his current teacher does it in the day and whether ds is even there then. Last year the teacher did it as part of the morning welcome time and ds was not very receptive. He doesn't like talking about feelings, that is something that the SALT is working on with him.

We only made it in for forest school today. Ds very resistant, saying the work is too hard, he doesn't like school etc.

UnoQueenie · 02/11/2022 17:59

Tricky then. With DS, he has check zones times built into his timetable throughout the day to help him recognise his feelings. He's not keen to talk about it either but it does help.
Oof I've had a horrible reaction to flu jab, temp, and I'm supposed to have my theory test tomorrow argghh!!

openupmyeagereyes · 02/11/2022 18:53

Oh no, I hope you feel better tomorrow. Good luck.

This just all feels par for the course for us. I thought this year was going to be different but I was so wrong. I’m just looking forward to seeing the EP and if there’s anything we can do.

carrie how did ds get on today?

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

livpotter · 02/11/2022 19:17

On no uno! Hope you feel better. I haven't booked in for mine yet, I also just got offered a covid booster too.

I'm sorry open. If it makes you feel any better apparently ds ripped up his work this afternoon and threw it in the bin. When he got home I asked him why he did it because he wouldn't say anything at school. He said it was too hard. I wonder if that's what he actually meant or whether it was something else but it's hard to know with limited expressive language.

Hope everyone has a better day tomorrow!

StarDog · 02/11/2022 19:47

Open & Liv ... we also have the "too hard" argument (although sometimes alternated with the "it's too easy" just to mix it up!!!)
We're obsessed with lift the flap books so I got one of the Usborne ones on "feelings". Surprisingly, I've actually had some bits proactively pointed out to me - "why don't my parents understand me" (no polite emojis for my reaction to this!) and emoji section on how passengers on the bus are feeling.
Honestly, just pleased they read it but might work for someone else if they like "flaps" - Usborne have a really wide range and think we're probably near to completing the whole set although I've only just realised that there are some great secondhand deals on them 🤦‍♀️

SusiePevensie · 02/11/2022 20:12

The Usborne 'All about' books on feelings and friends are very good. No flaps, sadly, but also none of that 'this is how children should be' vibe that some emotions books have. So in the 'friends' book it has a pet, a vacuum cleaner, a grandparent, and a babysitter as possible friends with no judgement.

StarDog · 02/11/2022 20:17

Oooh ... might try and find the friends one. Struggling explain why they have no one to play with at break time and lunchtime.

openupmyeagereyes · 03/11/2022 12:51

Thanks Susie

Better day here.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 03/11/2022 13:57

To answer your question Open I’m not sure really what is or Isn’t a good day… they email daily but often it’s something along the lines of ‘a great day, we have been looking at x and learning about y’. Foolishly I had thought all of last term that meant DS had been looking at x and learning about y but I’ve now realised that’s a generic blurb sent to all parents and from what they said at parents eve DS had NOT been engaging in any of it. Sometimes there’s an additional para saying DS hasn’t been happy or in Mondays case a few paras saying how amazingly different/ well he had done. Whether the absence of those comments means he is retaining or not retaining his good work attitude is anyones guess. The generic blurb continues daily.

openupmyeagereyes · 03/11/2022 14:05

Oh, it’s a shame they weren’t more transparent about the generic class news vs how your ds has done. Hopefully the absence of anything negative is a good thing - if that’s not a double negative!

Sleep up and down here, still adjusting to the change.

carriebradshawwithlessshoes · 03/11/2022 15:06

Open I have a relative who says constantly no news is good news!!!! So I get your point!!! 😆😆

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