Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

Thanks @danni0509. Just treating him to see tomato soup (he likes tomato flavours!)

Some, not see!

Thanks both. I do hope that he changes as he gets older/ with the right adhd meds/ with the right school. I’m not sure as susan says if it’s anxiety or adhd or autism or LDs or just general immaturity. I was very smug when he was little as unlike what you have said about your DS Danni he was so placid up to about 4?? So at the age when all other kids were rampaging (2? 3?) he was just sitting there smiling happy as Larry but not interacting with anything around him. I remember a friend remarking her 2 year old was pulling books off the shelf all day long then she tried to pull the books shelf over. And another person saying her child at 3 was constantly running off pressing buttons. And another friend saying her DH had literally legged it across Malaga airport after her 2 year old who apparently just ran! I had the calm, placid, child. Thought thank god DS isn’t like that!! But the issue then was he was so in his own world he wouldn’t have noticed the books or the button. So that wasn’t good either.

But not now! So I do hope im just behind the curve.

I’m really sorry to hear about your cat Susan, I know you have mentioned him before. Let us know how you go on x

Out of house DS is generally fine. I think he gets bored in the house as he has no interests (in toys etc) so goes looking for mischief. Whereas if we are out there’s more to see/ do/ be distracted with.

Re schools I think some just do or don’t have this part time request policy. There’s a child at school who is v challenging but the head just keeps ‘suspending’ him for weeks at a time! I’m not aware though during the time he is there that there’s ever been a suggestion he does PT hours.

Sorry about your cat susan. It's awful when pets get old. Our older dog is 12 now and constantly getting new lumps. Sorry about you being ill too, hopefully the PCR will be negative.

Carrie agree with the others on not saying no and redirecting. Ds was like you describe when he was younger, he seems to have grown out of a bit now. There's still some impulsive behaviour but i'm not dealing with endless light switching/tv smashing/putting everything in his mouth so much anymore. Having said that he has worked out that the bannister rails in the house will snap if he pushes them with his legs hard enough, so that's a fun new development!

Danni I hope ds got in ok today!

Hope school is going well open.

Ds has an inset today and I have a parent teacher meeting for him. Not met his new teacher yet so it will be nice to put a name to a face. Also finally getting a new washing machine after ours gave up last week. We are drowning in laundry!

Sorry about your cat Susan.

Carrie in many ways DS sounds like your boy. I remember reading the pre-adoption report when DS was described as placid and thinking that was probably not a good thing. And similarly he would do v little without a lot of attention and prompting. But once he hit 4 totally different story. Probably not quite as manic but no impulse control, poor/non-existent cause-effect thinking and very curious. I have had to change things around a lot recently as he seems to be getting worse - recently he started playing with the kettle, so that has to live in a cupboard now. He is also a big fan of setting off the washing machine and dishwasher - normally half filled on long cycles with no detergent.

One of the most stressful times of the day for me is putting DD to bed as I have no choice but to leave DS unsupervised - I always come down to some sort of mess but fortunately nothing dangerous as yet. Yesterday when I was making tea the children were bouncing balls around in the dining room. DS knocked the smoke detector off the ceiling and then started shouting and screaming at me to fix it. I was shouty yesterday as I was v tired and fed up - DD is a typical toddler and into everything. DS acts like her but is taller and therefore capable of more destruction. As you say completely ineffective to shout, I need a break but can't see a way to get one.

Im a nob!

Ds teacher emailed me and said sorry he hadn’t replied he’s been off poorly all week and only gone back in today. He said not covid tho, so least ds didn’t pass him that. 🤣

Anyways…

Ds has been a bit hitty / hyper and pushing his luck today, but his teacher said they expected it him having a few days off and being ill earlier in the week.

So I apologise for the things I said regarding his teacher earlier in the week. For him ignoring me.

But I’m not mystic Meg, he’s got form for ignoring me so I thought he was doing it again.

Good job I communicated with the office as he’s not checked his emails and they wouldn’t of known why ds was off would they!

Ds made me a Mother’s Day card at school today, he brought it home and said in my head today at school I was thinking I missed my mum. 🥰 Bless him

Dimples your family sound fab though… can they have the kids/ your DS for a bit to give you a break? Or did you mean specifically bedtime? I can see how that’s really hard.

I think I would have to put DS in the shower!! For a loooong time 🤣🤣

Sorry about your cat susan

danni I'm glad ds' teacher got in touch today. Aw at your ds making you a card and missing you. This is the first year I haven't had a card from ds made at school, though I did receive flowers today.

Thankfully ds can be left alone and isn't as impulsive as some of your dc. I can probably count on one hand things he's wilfully broken, he hasn't broken much in general. And he absolutely can be left alone to play and potter around. The only time he can't is when he's really upset as that's when he tries to leave the house and/or garden

School was very mixed today. He stayed a couple of hours but did get upset about something and was headbutted by a child in his class. I stayed with him for the first hour in the classroom but the incident happened after that.

open Eeek to the headbutt. Not what you need when you’re trying your best to coax him into staying!

Oh dear Open, not what you needed.

Danni I'm glad that the teacher wasn't ignoring you but your feelings were justified.

My family are great Carrie but could not facilitate the type of break I would like. I would like to lie in the sunshine by a pool and read for a week! Q1

You and me both dimples!

Hang on what about me??? 🙄🙄

Thread weekend away

Although if I was away for a weekend I would be sleeping.

🤣🤣. Get me a bottle and a book and you can please yourself what you do… 🤣🤣🤣

I do feel that I have lost the ability to converse properly with other adults. I would be mostly sleeping too!

Barrel of laughs it will be with you two… 🙄🙄🤣🤣

I need a preholiday

I'm in, I always need a holiday after a family holiday!! Booked to go away next weekend for a few nights, only up to York, I'm excited but also anxious about how it wi affect DS. He loves holidays but the sleeping in an unfamiliar place aspect is always tough.

Is this holiday you speak of one I can relinquish my parental duties for an infinite amount of time?

If so, fecking count me in. 🤣

We are only 20 mins out of York susan so if you need any suggestions of things to do/ eateries etc Pm me.

I’ve been thinking about what you said (snd others) about when our DC are, say, grabbing the kettle not to shout and say no as that feeds them. I’m not disagreeing (in fact DS often gives me a sly smile before repeating it when I shout.) if we just redirect though, how do they learn it’s wrong/ inappropriate/ dangerous? DS is obviously not at the stage where I can reason with him about these things.

Just wondered what your thoughts were.

How’s the cat?

I do just feel constantly that I’m unable in any way to get through to DS what is right/ appropriate/ safe and wrong/ inappropriate/ dangerous. Is there any answer to that? Or are we really just reactive to our DC?

I’m far too philosophical this eve. Must be wine time soon.

And yes Danni of course you can come. Got to have someone to talk to whilst Dimples and Open are sleeping 🤣.

Dimples I never asked (sorry if I’ve missed this).. did you get eeg results? Apologies if I’ve overlooked

I try to talk about it later on @carriebradshawwithlessshoes about dangerous things. We use social stories and school helps too as they have classes in stuff like road safety.

Cat is OK, thanks. Sitting sunning himself in the garden. DS has been in a grump all day after I told him to answer me when I ask questions, now he's purposefully ignoring me...deep joy!

carrie I agree with susan, talk about it at a different time. Or just very calmly say 'the kettle/pan is hot' and redirect. Your ds is bright. There's a pretty good chance that he knows the kettle is hot and he's doing it anyway? Our kids know they shouldn't do many of these things, they have heard us tell them, yet they still have the impulse to do them. Hopefully that's the bit that calms down with a bit of time and maturity.