Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

That’s good Danni! And great re school Open!

You lot have got me going re the health kick! Decided to have a whirl at the 5 to 2, in a moment of madness ordered some juices for the fast days and ordered for a month. I’ve really cocked up as didn’t realise it’s 5 bottles a day (do the maths) and the buggers all need freezing! I have only just got them in at the expense of food 🙄🙄🙄. DPD man nearly keeled over getting them to the house…

If I see anyone drinking one I am going to kill them there and then.

Will keep updated…!

Haha, kill them there and then. That’s how I feel with food. 🤣

Its my birthday Sunday. Dh is buying a takeaway. Ds has recently started to have one with us, he has chips, a chocolate fudge cake and a can of coke, he loves coke but I only let him have one when we get a takeaway delivered, he loves waiting for the knock on the door. He gets so excited over it. I’m going to have a kebab I think. I’ve stuck to my diet for 5 weeks now, so won’t hurt for one night. Plus I’ll have it early as ds is sharing, so it will be in my eating window so technically not doing anything wrong.

Good to hear of the negative test Danni and better week at school Open.

Enjoy the juices, Carrie! I need to get back on the wagon and get more active. I have a bad back this week. DS told me that I was walking like an old woman but he also stopped me from picking his duvet up off the floor as he said he would do it as I might hurt my back more. That is the most thoughtful thing that he has ever done - I was really touched.

I did another test on him early this morning before he woke up. Technically still the next day as it was after midnight. 😅 Negative again.

Anyway he couldn’t go today (which really he could of done!) as I needed to book taxi and pa and it’s too short notice, and also need his schools ‘permission’ to send him.

So I emailed his teacher this morning said he’s now had 2 consecutive days of negatives and will be back tomorrow. Phoned the school office and she was like, when did he have his tests? What times? Were they definitely negative? Does he still have any symptoms? Spanish Inquisition!! She said she’ll speak to his teacher. How boring are they? And how did I know they would do that!

He got covid a week ago, (was poorly at school a week ago tomorrow) hasn’t even been in school since 1pm last Friday! has no symptoms now other than a cough, has tested negative twice, I’m following the government guidance so I suggest they do the same and fuck off and let my kid back into school, boring bastards!

If he was a well behaved child, that caused them no bother, they’d of been like lovely see ds tomorrow. Do you see what I mean. ?

I swear on my life, if they don’t let him back tomorrow I’m reporting them to dfe and public health England and their local council and my own council.

They are so unfair with ds. I feel like it’s personal, because he’s difficult. They are so rude to me (if they ever bother to reply) and they make it so obvious ds isn’t wanted there. They do anything they possibly can to have him as little as they can get away with.

I text the taxi last night at 8.30 that ds was negative and hopefully if negative today she can collect him Friday morning, she said ‘oh I’m pleased, I’ve missed him this week - but I bet his school will be fuming he’s going back’

Says it all really doesn’t it.

danni hopefully you can get him there tomorrow with no problems.

School did not go well today, unfortunately. It's PE first thing tomorrow so I hope that he will go in for that at least.

dimples how sweet of ds. I hope your back is better soon.

carrie at the juices, I hope you like them. Where did you get them from?

Online, Nutriseed Open! They are all different colours. It’s a needs must im afraid. Think I’ve said before I don’t really weigh myself and have no scales that work but had to get batteries as need to weigh DS for the adhd meds. So I ventured on and nearly had a heart attack!!! I am 2 stone heavier than when I got married and 1.5 stones heavier than after I’d had the kids. I bet a good stone heavier than when I turned 40 5 years ago. So I have to take action…!

I totally understand Danni. It’s like DS doesn’t behave at school… they are awkward. You ask for something major… they are awkward. You say you are doing something you are entitled to… they are awkward. It’s so draining.

On a bit of a more positive note (to my weight loss antics) DH and I visited the SS where DS has an offer. DH has never wanted him to go but it was our only option. Anyway at least on the face of it it was amazing. By total coincidence DSs old SALT is now in-house there. She knows DS from in clinic at her old practice and has done sessions with him in his current school. She was visibly delighted to see us and said she had never come across a child so different in both settings and said DS had so much potential but she could see was really disregulated in his current school. Even to the extent that he would be holding the wall because he didn’t have a grasp of his place in space, she said she thought he was more than capable… but not there.

Other things the head and salt said which resonated and made me think of some of you… they said all children do better where they aren’t the odd one out and where they are with peers who have similar challenges. Said kids often refuse to use pecs and other things if it’s only them doing it. They have in-house OT and so if DS was disregulated it was literally a phone call to get him to come and see DS and work with him, the SALT said they would work together so DS would be in the right frame of mind to learn. They are SAL focussed so SAL would not be a task that the day stops for, it would be incorporated into everything, all day every day.

He would have targets set by them and us that they were confident they could achieve with him.

Of course it all may be rubbish but on the face of it seemed promising. We have accepted the place for Sep.

carrie that's great, it sounds perfect. And only one more term to go at his current school. Was your dh more positive after seeing it and listening to them?

Yes absolutely Open. And it takes a lot to convince him!

That's great news on the school visit Carrie.

Danni good luck with getting school to act reasonably!

danni how did you get on giving ds the sleep milk?

Great news @carriebradshawwithlessshoes, sounds v similar to DS' school. Congratulations and fab that your DH is on board too. How are the juices??
@openupmyeagereyes hope PE goes smoothly.
@danni0509 good luck talking to school.
DS was coldy this morning so sent him in but he's looked peaky all day apparently and isn't himself etc. Neg lfts but now I'm feeling shivery and coughing so...argh.

carrie I’m pleased you accepted the place because it’s what he needs. I’m sure you’ll be fine, I don’t think your ds has really challenging behaviour does he so I’m sure they’ll be ok. Ds school promised the earth initially when I spoke with them, and there website was promising, but it was evident his first few days they thought ffs what have we got here and they’ve just been difficult with me from the outset. They have good reviews overall, but it’s sadly not been my experience. Which I’m really disappointed about.

susan are you sending him in? Least school didn’t slag you off to the taxi yesterday like ds’ did me for sending him in with a snotty nose. 🥲 wtf! I hope he’s ok anyway, and you too. Seems covid is doing it’s rounds again. Hopefully it’s just a general cold x

I’m sending ds back to school today, nobody contacted me yesterday so still none the wiser but that’s there problem. If they can’t communicate with me then that’s not my fault. His taxi is collecting him at 9am. He’s woke up coughing a bit but fine in himself but I’ll give him calpol before he leaves to be on the safe side. He’s been off school since last Friday and he wants to go back. I need him to go back too, if I get another ‘If I walk through a tunnel for 20,000 minutes how old will I be when I get to the other side’ I’ll scream! 😂

I’m not emailing his teacher anymore, if I have anything to say (important) I’ll write a note, put it in his pocket of his bag and tell the taxi to tell them there is a note. (They used to have communication books but they stopped them because of ‘covid’ like most things in the world, stopped ‘cos covid’) bore off……

Oh and any note I send, if it’s something that I should need proof of, I’ll take a picture of it before it goes (for my own evidence - since I won’t have email paper trial)

open sorry just seen about the milk. Absolutely don’t bother. Waste of money! I used 2 cartons over 4 nights and haven’t bothered again, I’m back to just giving him plain Cadbury hot chocolate.

Good luck @danni0509, how awful of them not to reply at all to your email! DS and I are both at home as covid symptoms and feeling rotten but neg Lfts. Going to try to get pcr as DS needs one before he can go back in. I'm missing a really important work thing too gah. Just feel headachy and floaty v odd.
I was just about to get some of that milk too haha!

Not started the juices yet Susan, next week! I will let you know if they match up to my usual large red wine on an eve. I very much doubt!

I don’t know Danni if DSs behaviours are challenging. I tend to think of challenging behaviours as being violent, destructive, often the child is very angry or emotional, not able to do normal things etc. But yet sometimes I think my DS IS bloody challenging and hope school haven’t underestimated this! To give an example, yesterday he ran into the kitchen happy as a lark, smiley, engaged etc but then proceeded to try and open the dishwasher (which was on), then pull open the drawers, then grab the kettle, then grab something off the work surface to put in his mouth, then grab the cord of something plugged in, then jump up and down jabbering on at me, then try and turn the gas on, then when I was cooking he was trying to grab the pan. So in essence first I could not take my eyes off him for a second and second he didn’t seem to grasp the danger or general inappropriateness of doing any of that.

Are any of your DC like this? Is that ‘challenging behaviour.’ ?? It was not accompanied with any upset or great frustration or outbursts yet I couldn’t even go to the fridge to get anything whilst the pan was in the job in case he grabbed it. I concluded that the adhd meds are not at the right level (I know they aren’t) which is currently my only hope.

Other than constantly shouting no!!!! Don’t do that! What do you do?! He doesn’t understand why he shouldn’t do it. I don’t really understand the root of why he wants to do it!

So I do hope the SS know this! I’m not sure what their strategies would be to stop him?!

Pan was on the hob that should have said!

I find it v confusing. When you are out and about you often see don’t you adults who appear to have LDs or sometimes noticeable autism but I’ve never seen any running around like that! I wonder if this is something kids grow out of or are medicated for and that’s why you don’t see this behaviour in older people?

Tbf when we viewed the first SS there were various children having meltdowns, hiding etc but not rampaging like my description of DS!!

My DS gets like this sometimes @carriebradshawwithlessshoes more so when he was at Ms and we concluded it was anxiety based that flipped into mania. Saying no and panicking just feeds it. I ignored what I could and tried to prevent, so e.g. putting cleaning products away to avoid temptation to tip them, but a lot of it is a reaction seeking thing so I try to stay calm and explain why things are dangerous. If it starts to tip.into mania, I try to ignore that behaviour and distract him onto something else. Stay v calm. Don't feed the mania. Its harder at other people's houses as he also tends to feel more anxious too. On a side note, turns out my cat is ill. Vet thinks a tumour. He's almost 18, so I know he's old, but he is much much loved. Booked him in on Mon for more tests.

Ds is like that all the time carrie home, school, out. He’ll put me in an early grave! I’m not actually joking. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to have a stroke. I’ve got high blood pressure at 33. I’m sorry to blame ds but I don’t think he helps the situation, it is fucking stressful.

For the cooking, I do that when ds is at school as much as I can, make his pasta in advance, mine and Dh tea in advance and just warm it in microwave. Weekends Dh will have to watch him on the trampoline when I cook. Sometimes if I can settle him on iPad on sofa I can muster up something quick for me super noodles whilst watching him from the kitchen. I take him to the toilet with me and make him stand whilst I have a wee, if I don’t he’s smacking the tv with the remote, dead pixels on it already and he’s smashed 3 so far. If I take him to the toilet with me which I have to do, he’s trying to squeeze the toothpaste into his mouth taps on full blast soaking us. If he’s in the kitchen he’s trying to put metal toy cars in the microwave, taking all my food out the freezer, taking food out the bin. He’s not allowed in any room unsupervised, he’s never had free reign of the house. Not possible. He’s still got baby gate on his room door at 8.

He has a habit of trying to get the red ring on the hob when I’m cooking. Thinks it’s hilarious. I appreciate you work full time tho so not practical to cook in advance!

I think all sorts counts as challenging behaviour, including things you mentioned, I didn’t mean to insinuate he’s not challenging, I think all kids are to a degree especially with additional needs, I meant you don’t say about school refusing to have him / reduced timetables so you shouldn’t have to much problem with the new SS etc.

I think they thrive off being told off, so deffo no shouting no. If I do that ds will do it more. Don’t say a single word and just move him. Redirect him and try get his attention as quick as you can onto something else , I squash ds into the corner of the sofa, trap him in with my body. Enough to calm him down. If I need to do things Dh has to sandwich him on the sofa to calm him to stop the destruction, just long enough so I can quickly do whatever I need to do. We also harness him in his car seat with his iPad and one of us if possible will sit with him so the other can peg washing out or do any thing in the house, putting washer / dryer on etc.

Dh works 50 hours a week so he’s out a lot but he works shifts so he only works his hours over 17 days a month. So I use him as much as poss, he can’t manage him alone but will help as much as I tell him when we are both there and can tag team. I’ll say right you get his bath on get his pyjamas out, close his curtains etc, I’ll tackle the beast down here bring him up when his baths done 😂

I mostly do things in advance when he’s at school or after he’s gone to sleep tho!

Also carrie I’ve said before, I have never not one time, seen another child like my ds out of the house, in all my life.

They must exist, of course they must. I just think their parents aren’t stupid enough to take them out. So we don’t get to see them.

Or as dh says they are probably in residential homes. Which maybe is also true..

Adults who are challenging do exist too, my aunty is a 1-1 carer for a 32 year old man, he’s not safe to be in the community so he doesn’t go. He’s in a shared home with live in carers. Unfortunately he can’t access the world outside as he’s too violent, no life though is it…..

Sorry about your cat susan x