Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

danni

We are still having school issues. Ds went in fine yesterday but then walked in and out of the classroom and refused to go back in. This morning he’s refusing to get ready. He did do a lot of activities with me yesterday at least. Roll on the weekend.

Oh Danni!

Hope that things go better with school today Open.

I watched the Katie Price/Harvey documentary last night - the college staff seemed wonderful but it wasn't probably the best viewing when I am trying not to look too far ahead.

dimples we were scrolling through iplayer last night and saw it. I want to watch it but now is not the right time!

We’re in school. PE this morning but he’ll probably want to leave after that.

Ds was poorly this morning not long after I posted, sounded full of cold and rattly chest and saying his head hurt, I told him i would keep him home but he was crying saying he wanted to go to school he didn’t want to miss his cake sale (red nose) or his name on the register 😍 so I gave him calpol, messaged his teacher said he’d been up early hours and said he’d been poorly this morning (cold symptoms) school are Covid police and told him I’d given calpol and ds seemed fine now. He messaged back and said that’s fine thank you for telling us.

I let the taxi know too when she collected him, well his taxi just rung me (for another reason, tell you about that in a minute!) whilst she was on the phone she said oh his teacher said this morning when I got ds out the car, he can’t believe I’d sent him in poorly… they have a school full of vulnerable kids and he should stay at home with his germs. Omg! He messaged me back and was fine, what a two faced cunt! He’s got a cold, why am I going to keep him home especially when ds is crying because he wants to go.

Anyway reason taxi rung….

11 o’clock had the taxi office on the phone, ds PA has rang them and put a complaint in about ds hitting her. What the actual fuck. The taxi company who employs the PA has had to ring transport manager at council and transport manager wants to do another risk assessment on ds next week where she comes in the taxi all week and assesses him face to face (which will stress ds out) the transport manager said ds might need a wider vehicle and seats on the opposite side for a PA to sit so he doesn’t get to hit the PA. (fair enough but that means current driver he’s really settled with can’t take him)

Anyway taxi office manager was lovely. She said I used to work at ‘local’ special school as a ta I know how stressful things are for him so I’m not having a go. Just we have to follow up complaints and stick rigidly to procedures (fair enough!)

So chatted to her for a bit about ds and she agreed that it’s because he doesn’t like his pa and she’s going to change her amd let council know, but they are adamant they are doing another assessment next week or they’ll get into trouble if they don’t. So that has to happen.

Put the phone down, within 2 mins taxi rang. She’s absolutely seething with the PA. she said she hasn’t mentioned a word about complaining she’s just done it after she was dropped back off this morning,

said she’d called ds spiteful and she’d reported her for it this morning. (Asif she called a child with complex needs spiteful!) taxi said to her that’s bang out of order his way of communicating to you that he’s frustrated is to lash out, he has no malice in him.

(I’m livid at this comment)

Anyway I don’t know anymore until he gets home but yeah I’m not very happy.

He has been hitting her for weeks, he’s taken an instant dislike to her unfortunately. He used to hit the others but not to a point they complained.

It’s not right he’s hitting her. But why has she not spoken to me and taxi first or especially the taxi who’s car it is if she didn’t want to mention complaining to me etc. Why i said it’s important to talk to his school, they deal with this sort of stuff and can advise.

Ds is going to hate someone else in that car (council) next week. I said to taxi office he’ll probably hit her too, he won’t cope with that.

What am I going to do? it’s says on my old risk assessment the council can refuse to transport kids if they have challenging behaviours. Now I’ve got the woman from the council in the car next week watching him. And of course he’ll be on his worst behaviour for her! It’s ok moving him to a bigger vehicle so he can’t reach his pa but he’s climbing out of his seat / harness they need to be close to stop it.

He won’t be able to get to school (my cars on its last legs, won’t cope with 80 mile round trip a day long term, plus what can I do just me in the front and ds in the back when he starts climbing out on the motorway.

dh needs his car for full time work.

I’m fucked.

I can’t afford a new car. (I only have an auto license and the cars are too expensive which is why I have to make do and pray mind doesn’t break anymore)

Unfortunately the government paying me such a poor wage insult (£67 a week carers allowance) means I can only afford a flinstones car when mine packs in! 🤣

Seriously though, I can’t homeschool him, it can never be an option!

I’m just worried now they may say they can’t take him anymore.

Deep breaths danni, try not to panic. Make sure you warn them that he will be more stressed with a stranger being in the car. It's not a forgone conclusion that they will refuse to take him. Is there any legislation on this despite what it says on the risk assessment?

Anyone got a spare blood pressure tablet for me? 😭

Pa was here at drop off, I didn’t really speak to her. Until She said ds had been nasty on the way back nipping her. I said can you refrain from saying ‘nasty and spiteful’ because it’s not professional to speak like that about a dc with disabilities!

I said you have already complained to the taxi company regarding his behaviour and to leave it with them as the council are redoing his risk assessment.

She said well I didn’t intentionally complain, I’d been restraining his arms and legs (wtf!) so I wanted to check with the office where I stand with holding his arms and legs to protect myself and they asked me what had been going on. I said omg that’s even worse. No wonder he doesn’t like you! One thing you don’t do with my ds is hold him like that he goes mental.

Taxi had told ds teacher about this mornings behaviour when she went back at lunch because the office told her to (the same thing I’ve been telling her to do every incident?!) anyway ds teacher says (him thinking it’s just this morning an incident occurred, because he still hasn’t phoned me despite me requesting it on Monday to talk to him about it - and you already know taxi doesn’t tell him as I mentioned the other day which is what I wanted to talk to him about!) well I’m not suprised! he’s been sent to school after being up since 3 this morning and not feeling well his mum shouldn’t of sent him in.

How do I some how end up getting the blame for it?

Ds was fine to go to school this morning, he was up at 3, yes. But that’s a regular occurrence. Why would I keep him off school every time. He’d never be in (which they’d love I’m sure)

I’ve wrote his teacher an email. Explaining about weeks and weeks of behaviour in the taxi, ie not just this morning, and not becuase he’s been ‘poorly’ and it being my fault!

I said about him getting up at 3, him knowing full well he doesn’t sleep well usually and him taking sleep medications and that he has to go regardless of how many hours he’s had (or hasn’t had) in bed. I’m not happy with him making shitty comments to the taxi about me sending ds to school….. With a snotty nose.

Told you I’m at war with everyone! 🤦🏻‍♀️😅

Roll on Easter holidays in a fortnight. Think id rather be stressed because of ds than because of every fucker else.

Least he has his reasons to cause me bald patches! No excuses for the others to be continuously making me feel ill!

Ds teacher can piss off aswell, last time I tell him ds has done an all nighter. 🤣

I’ll be sending him in whatever the clock he’s got up.

Oh Danni that is awful. Some of those conversations are really inappropriate and then why repeat them to you. Good that the PA is changing. Fingers crossed that the assessment goes okay next week.

Just a thought, do you get higher rate mobility for your DS? I would have thought if worst comes to worst re the assessment that would be good evidence of the transport needs and then maybe you could use motability scheme to finance new car?

He gets high rate care, but only low rate mobility. dimples

I do think he should qualify for high rate mobility, CAMHS said so and his school were suprised he didn’t have a mobility car as I had to put them on his blue badge renewal and when I told them I had used them as the person to contact they thought he had a blue badge automatically with his car so I explained he was on low rate and didn’t have a car and they sounded suprised.

His award was given when he was 5 and it was a long award, (doesn’t run out until 2026) so I didn’t want to tamper with anything to begin with. They say low rate covers the supervision element but this is just ridiculous now he’s older! Maybe something I should pursue.

He has a blue badge off the council though it was renewed for another 3 years just before Xmas, which is more than useful! we use it every time we go out x

Yes I was thinking about the motability scheme too dimples.

I'm not surprised you're at war with them all danni. They are being very inappropriate and I would have lost it if someone called ds 'nasty' or 'spiteful'. No! He's anxious and under stress and holding him down is making it worse. Also if she was going to restrain him she should have adequate training a permission form to do so! I hope the assessment goes ok. If it doesn't, I would imagine it would be good evidence for the higher rate mobility.

I was thinking of Motability too, though I couldn't remember the name and could only think of Shopmobility which I don't think danni needs just yet!

danni i think you should get the mobility allowance re-assessed too. There's a difference between a 5yo running off and an 8yo.

Ds has been awake since 12:23, second Saturday in a row 😱

That’s terrible open 😬 did he go back off?

Of course not danni, he’s powering through!

Do you not give a second melatonin dose at that time? That’s what we would do

Danni, Probably stupid qu with an obvious answer but if DS is escorted by staff to the car and then harnessed in and you meet him at the other end why does he need someone sitting in the back with him? Is it a legal requirement? Sounds like she’s doing more harm than good and I wouldn’t have thought needed? If there has to be one other person in the car can’t she sit in the front (and shut up!! 🤣).

Open meant to say if DS wakes we give a second melatonin dose any time up to 3.30 really which his paediatrician recommends. It may take a couple of hours to get him back off but he always will and we then do get a few more hours sleep even if it’s been broken.

carrie I know what you mean, I would of said the same. But it can’t be possible, as he climbs out of his seat belt and hangs out of his harness (he hasn’t worked out how to unclip it yet, which won’t be long, he’s always trying.) he takes his arms out and his leg out and sort of dangles attached by one piece. 🤣

He takes his clothes off too etc.

Yes it’s also legal, under 12 in a specialist school I think it is for our la.

i think it’s to prevent accusations aswell. Ds once said x touched his booby. Well what happened I witnessed it, ds grabbed drivers boob, he then grabbed her hands and put them on his own chest and said you just touched my booby. She was like thank god I have witnesses and why having a pa is important. (She obviously did nothing wrong, but can you imagine no one was there? How it’s sounds.)

Don’t know what the answers are. Either him not going to school or going more locally which the first not happening and the second I can’t see happening either. Not for a long time. Just no places and so many kids with no schools.

His school bore me anyway. I wouldn’t be sad if he had to leave. I’ve had nothing but issues the last year.

His teacher said to his taxi yesterday, 2pm pick up Monday (ds is staying an extra hour from Monday) she said yes mum told me, he said we are just trialing it until half term, so may well change again.

Ok pal. Course it will.

His harness is tight too. (It digs in his shoulders and causes bruises due to not much slack) he just moves around sliding body parts out of small spaces.

Seems where there is a will there is a way!

carrie I have done before but it made no difference. I think they have to be willing to try and sleep and ds is not. It doesn’t just make them pass out.