Primary school auties step into Christmas and the New Year - thread 8

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7 -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Really hope you can get him in today @openupmyeagereyes. I'm sure you won't lose your place: this must really come with the territory for them, particularly for kids who were already struggling to go in due to previous experiences? They can't expect DS to move past all that in a couple of days.

That's a good idea on lamination @livpotter. Thinking about it, she's actually been a bit more hung up on exactly what she wants to take out with her at weekends since New Year, so I guess that is linked. That's less problematic though as we're generally in less of a rush, plus she has a little back pack that she can just keep packed at all times, so it's generally (nearly) ready to go.

Sadly with her school bag part of her anxiety last night was taking lots of things out of it that I had already packed ready for today and putting them in her room last night. I noticed a couple (homework! her library book!) this morning before they left, but failed to spot something else she needs until it was too late. I hope she's not too upset about it when she realises.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes the office can definitely be relaxing, yes!!!!

@danni0509 post-its are a good idea! We're all good from Covid thanks. Kids are a week+ past any symptoms and are back at school. I'm still snotty and my cough is getting worse but still not bad. I'm a bit disheartened though because my tests are still super-positive. Day 11 is Saturday, so in theory I am allowed out then even if I'm still positive - but if I still have this cough and a strong positive line I really don't think I should be going anywhere... so it all just feels a bit uncertain and shit. But anyway, not a big problem in the scheme of the world's problems, obviously. I just will have been indoors in my house for 2 full weeks at the end of tomorrow and it's enough, TBH!

Actually, I lie, I went in the garden a couple of times to clean windows. the glamour! The freedom!

Light I don't think he would lose his place in the short term, but if it continues then I'm sure they would question whether it was the right setting. I just have to hope that he settles down with a bit of time.

We are aiming to go in over the lunch break with me staying with him. Once he's there I think he'll enjoy it. A kind Mner PM'd me with details of how they transitioned her ds to a new school and I'm going to give that approach a try assuming the school agree to me staying for a while.

Another tantrum about the tv here today. I let him have some time this morning, given our arrangements for today and then 15 minutes after it was turned off he kicked off about it. I'm going to start a thread in chat asking for advice I think, but how do those of you who have this deal with it and how do you stay calm in the face of a tantrum that has physical violence and verbal abuse? I read about what you should do, but this is not a five minute tantrum while they kick about on the floor, or they hit you, have a cry and a hug and everything is ok after that. He keeps at you for 20, 30, 40 minutes or more because he's not getting what he wants and I find it hard not to get angry with him. He's such a lovely boy apart from this, it's heartbreaking.

I've booked on an Yvonne Newbold webinar thing tonight. Maybe that will be some use.

open ds is the same. Does not stop going on and on and on until he gets his own way. It’s absolutely draining! He actually says now without understanding what it means. have I got to change the record mummy. (Yes I’ve said this to him many of times!)

There’s no redirecting him, and even if it works momentarily it always reverts back to him going on and on, it can be over anything. (He’s a sod for starting the next day / week / month about it aswell, so for example he’ll start the next day when he gets up about the same thing, ‘why didn’t you let me go in the car yesterday.’ And we’re back at square one. Yet the day before when I didn’t let him in the car he’d boxed my head in, hit me / screamed at me about it for ages. (I do obvs let him in the car btw, but he wants to drive around and around for the sake of it, and that’s what I’m trying to reduce, such a waste of petrol! Costs me a fortune) and then we have that kind of situation for loads of stuff.

I often say to my dh, you want to stop a serial offender? Lock ds in their cell, they would reform instantly! 🤣🤣

Im at the point now were I tell ds my ears don’t work when he’s screaming and tantrumming, I carry on doing whatever I’m doing, trying my best to ignore him and pretend he’s not bothering me (he absolutely is bothering me) and I say when you’ve calmed down and your not screaming my ears will work then we can talk. Oh ok ds, you’re still screaming? Ok then let me know when you’ve calmed down and my ears will work. And repeat Etc etc. (Or words to that affect but simplified down a bit)

Then when he’s finished his episode I’ll say in an over exaggerated voice, oh my ears are working now ds! then proceed to calmly talk to him and if he starts again my ears stop working.

Doesn’t work. Or isn’t yet. But whatever

Nothing else works for us so giving this a go.

I want him to realise, I’m not responding to screamy hitty kids and that’s not actually how you vent your frustrations of not getting your own way a million times a day. Talk to me calmly ds and we’ll try find a solution / alternative.

It’s hard work when you have a child that tantrums all day bloody long!

Jesus Danni I was reading your post quickly and my eyes clicked on the ‘DS wants to drive’ for a second I thought he was after your keys and about to bomb it down the road 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

More haste less speed read or whatever…!!

If I gave him them carrie my car would be through the nearest hedge haha!

danni ds took the wheel once when he got out of his seat didn't he?

We went into school at lunchtime so that was a success. He's definitely nervous of the other children though, because he doesn't know them so he was anxious while we were in the classroom. He's actually very sociable with children that he knows. Hopefully we can work out a low stress way for him to get used to them. The teacher will call me later today. I'm hoping we can do the same tomorrow.

Yes open he did! That’s when he was 5 and we have had the harness ever since.

I’m pleased ds went in today.

We bought the crelling harness and never fitted it as that phase passed, thankfully. I told him yesterday that if he did it again he'd have to have the 'baby' harness put in so he couldn't open it.

We even had it delivered to our holiday cottage as the previous holiday we'd had a hell of a time getting him away when it was time to leave. God that was stressful!

Bit of good news, DSs ecg was normal (I always worry the more any of us are probed the more they may find untoward!). It also means he can get the adhd meds. So watch this space!

Good news on the ECG carrie, I hope the meds work well for him.

That's great news! Hope you can get the meds started soon and fingers crossed that they work well for DS.

Great news on the ECG @carriebradshawwithlessshoes
Hope everyone is doing OK, sorry to drop off the thread a bit.
DS' driver moaned at me this afternoon. DS had apparently been screaming at another child for the whole 10 mins he was in the taxi and other child didn't like it. DS told me he'd been practicing a song...
What annoyed me was how the driver spoke to me like oh it was horrible for x and us, we told him to stop it but he didn't...like, yes, telling him directly not to do something often means he does it more (he thinks it's funny). I know he's new this school year qnd I'm worried now that he's had no training about how to deal with sen kids. He said I should talk to DS, which I have done, but you guys know what it's like! It's part of his condition! Pretty peed off with it all tbh, had enough of all this at his last school. The lack of awareness in how to talk to pda kids is worrying IMHO.

Blimey magrat He sounds fun. Pass him some ear defenders Monday morning. Failing that an application for Tesco, or tell him to pick my ds up and do a days school run

That’s not even anything to complain about! Yes I suppose it could be distracting for the driver, but if so he’s in the wrong job!

They are vocal when they have additional needs, it’s something that comes with the territory ffs. And as you say, telling your ds no will only make matters worse. Some understanding of additional needs should come as an absolute minimum for these jobs.

Ds spits down the taxi windows from the inside and smears it all over - her windows are an absolute state, he hits the pa in the back with him if she pisses him off, he’s ripped the taxi drivers licence in half which she had to pay to replace. He’s kicked her vehicle on the outside more times than I can count. He tries to rip her number plate off the back of her car, one day he will succeed, he’s bloody hell bent. He grabs her boobs all the time! He’s even got in the front and rang her child’s school off her hands free. He’s removed the dust caps off her tyres, taken money from her purse, stole her bank card and taxi id lanyard, he fills his pockets as much as he can. She calls him a magpie!

She had her front window open once when she pulled up and after she unclipped him he jumped into the front and climbed out of the front window up onto the roof of the taxi.

I’m making them sound like they don’t watch him properly (they do) but this has all mostly been when I’ve been there when they are back home (and I absolutely do watch him) he could cause havoc in an empty room, it’s so difficult to stop him, thank god I live on a no through road with no traffic so I have time to pick him up and carry him in, usually to much resistance. It’s just what ds is like unfortunately.

She has to have the keys on her out of the vehicle as he locks us out from the inside regularly.

None of them are acceptable behaviours at all, and he really does embarrass me sometimes! But the point I’m trying to make is, they don’t complain to me, they say it’s part and parcel of their job. I always apologise out of courtesy but they are fine. Although once or twice I think he’s pushed it too far with them as they can’t drive off quick enough! Usually every day they say he’s been good despite all the above.

(I fully accept i have an extremely lenient driver and passenger assistant for ds though!) 🤣

magrat I’m not as lucky with school though, they do complain to me, too much and I often think they are being a bit petty seeing as what type of school he’s in.

carrie I’m pleased your ds ecg was ok.

open how did today go?

Ds has found his walkie talkies out of the draw. He’s ringing me off his and I have to answer and say welcome to the ee voice mail, please leave a message after the tone. Then I have to ring his and he says the same message back, this has been on loop since 4pm….

They are shortly going missing 😂

Magrat sorry about the taxi moaning, I agree it's par for the course really. They need a bit more SEN training by the sound of it.

danni your ds' antics are legendary. I know I really have no idea, but I always think that your ds is going to be one of those bright guys who writes a book about their life/autism and says that he gave his mum hell when he was young...

Ds and I went into school again for lunchtime. He's still not very keen to be in the classroom but did well outside during playtime. Yesterday I was very surprised how calm it was, today was more like I expected it to be. The kids must be tired and cranky as lots of them have been out of school or on reduced timetables, like ds. So there were quite a few tantrums and antics. The staff do brilliantly really when you think how tricky we find it to manage one SN dc at home sometimes.

I think we have to just keep on with this approach until he feels more comfortable and I will stand back as much as I'm able to while I'm there and then try and move out of the room.

I hope this doesn't sound awful, but because ds has been in a ms school and mostly around NT kids, I think he may find some of the other kids' behaviours strange and needs to get used to them. I am sure that he doesn't consider his own actions or behaviour to be unusual at all even though it is. He has been to SEN soft play sessions etc. but often there are not loads of children there and it's not quite the same as being in a room with 9 other kids for a prolonged period.

I do have a couple of friends with autistic and likely autistic ds' but because of Covid he hasn't seen that much of them over the last couple of years.

Thanks @danni0509 I mean honestly some sen training isn't too much to ask is it??!
Never fear: I have printed off some pda onfo sheets for them for Monday
And I pinged a message to his teacher explaining it all just so I have a record.
I just hate the way so many adults expect our children to be able to easily change their behaviours, like they're doing it on purpose, when they can't do this. It's the adults who need to adapt but so many just don't think this way. Argh. Anyway.
I'm really sorry you're having a hard time again @openupmyeagereyes, I hate that sinking feeling, but it sounds like school are being positive and helping, which makes such a big difference doesn't it?
Anyway, happy weekends everyone!

Cross post @openupmyeagereyes!
Glad it went well. DS also finds it odd sometimes and tells me about his friends doing all sorts! One boy likes to sit under a table a lot etc. I just explain about how he needs do to that so he feels happy and safe etc. He feels a lot more part of everything now.

Magrat that is just ridiculous but as others have said don’t let it detract from the fab school. Good you spoke to school, all these bloody taxi drivers need to be told it is their job to transport and not pass comment. Other than good afternoon etc they should keep their mouths shut IMO. Not be conduits between school and home in terms of passing messages on or expressing any views.

DS totally doing my head in at the moment. I can’t remember anyone saying this but do any of your children just laugh incessantly for no reason. I don’t mean a chuckle I mean a full on like they are being tickled screaming belly laugh? DS goes through phases and we are in one now. But I mean at home, when we are walking down the street, in a cafe etc. Initially it’s cute but when this has gone on for hours he starts to look like a lunatic! Like Magrat said they more I say to stop the more he thinks it’s hilarious and carries on. Anyone????

Well we started with the adhd this morning. He’s still eating a big bowl of nuts after his breakfast so the not being hungry has not kicked in. Neither has any benefit he’s still hyper and shouting his head off. So we will see…….. I’m not hopefully!

Danni those stories are funny! How though does he even reach all that stuff if he’s in a harness? Presumably he can only reach so far, doesn’t taxi woman gave her stuff in the passenger footwell/ boot?!

Sorry for typos!

It’s when he’s out the harness Carrie, that’s when all hell breaks loose, he’s ok when he can’t move anywhere 😂

I just read your other thread on here. carrie

If you want, (I don’t mind) pm me and I’ll send you my number if you have whatsap or anything? I can send you a couple of videos of ds when he had his medication if you want to see / to make you feel better.

He looked completely off his nut. Even his eyes looked it.

It doesn’t last long, 3 days or so? If we increase his dose then he gets a bit like that again temporarily. But settles.

He chews his mouth still though.