Primary school auties step into Christmas and the New Year - thread 8

[openupmyeagereyes]

New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7 -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Open I haven’t bought any other books in the book bands, I’ve just been getting ds to read his normal books, he reluctantly read a few pages of a Peter rabbit one last night. He doesn’t read much at home anymore, he prefers to tell his own stories or get me to make them up (which get more bizarre by the day - he wanted me to tell him a story last night about how when he’s 28 he’s going to become a dwarf) do not even ask because I honestly cannot answer! 🤣

I would love to step into his shoes for 2 mins or so and find out about his thoughts, I don’t think I’d manage any longer than a few mins though! 😂

Ds breaks up Friday, nothing planned at all. I have got him a Nintendo switch for Xmas (the lite, handheld version) and a few games I think he’ll enjoy to use with it, so I’m hoping for a chilled Xmas whilst he plays with that (and some peace!)

My DS was like that in Ms, they had expectations of him that he just couldn't meet due to his sen, so yes he was set up to fail too bless him. Now hes somewhere where all the kids are like him, the expectations are different, the staff get it. Like today, it's Xmas lunch day, and Xmas jumper but with uniform. V worried DS ask jumper is own clothes but it's mixed with uniform so...so I just put both jumpers in his bag with a packed lunch in case he didn't like the hot one. No problem. No recrimination from teachers. No thinking that's weird. It is so absolutely refreshing tbh. I genuinely think that the way sen is handled in Ms is so absolutely contrary to being productive at all for most of our kids. Special provision really is so special and to be honest, I think all kids would benefit from being taught this way in small groups learning through their interests. The whole point if education is a really interesting topic, I think. My child cannot sit still for long, for example, ever. So what?? So maybe he'll work at a standing desk when he's older. Maybe he'll have an active job like a chef or running a shop or cafe. We've really list sight a lot of the time I think with how we treat children in schools. We end up churning out generation after generation of graduates but then what?? I include myself in this as it took me a while to figure out what to do with careers etc. I'm not saying dint learn about Shakespeare and Cicero, but we can teach that so many different ways. Anyway, rant over. @carriebradshawwithlessshoes im sure your DS will be fine and roll on the hols!

Oh and I’ve got him a gaming chair! It’s a mario rocking one which will suit him fine since he can’t keep still, and then I might get my sofa back. That’s the plan anyway!

X past @danni0509
I've got DS a switch too!!
My DS also makes up crazy, and transgressive, stories...mostly about people eating people at the moment so I have to ask him to 'rub that part out please' even though he's just talking! Otherwise they're mostly about his imaginary friends qnd what would happen if rudolph said nope to pulling the sleigh because he was cross qbout the name calling etc!

Ooh a Mario gaming chair...hmm sounds good!

Magrat, It’s ds school dinner and jumper day today too, I was thinking maybe same school for a moment, but you speak positively about your ds school so it can’t be. Lol!

Ds has got his PlayStation Xmas jumper on, I bought him age 9-10 so he can wear it next year too, i hate paying for stuff for him to wear only a couple of times, i put it on him this morning and it’s absolutely massive, I’ve rolled the sleeves up a few times, but it’s enormous on him. He’s being with v fussy with food and he’s getting taller and looking v skinny at the moment and his clothes are getting loose!

Oh we have ds eating people too magrat, he’s also going to chop bones up with an axe after he’s cut down his Xmas tree etc etc, some of the things ds comes out with are actually quite disturbing! 🤦🏻‍♀️

That’s the chair we got, it folds down too so when he’s bored of it I can put it away x

Thanks, what you say Magrat is really reassuring for when he hopefully moves on. We have now consulted with 4 schools the deadline for their response was Monday (just gone.) Not heard anything from LA who promised to come back to me by the deadline so god knows where we stand. DH and I chasing him in between trying to do a million other things 😡. I assume because they haven’t come back to say he’s been offered a place that he probably hasn’t at any of the 4 which is another headache… is that a fair assumption?

Open he is 6 and in year 1 but out of year group as he’s a July bthday so we held him back a year.

Carrie I know they have legal timeframes, but take it with a pinch of salt.

They never ever stick to that (even though legally they should)

Can you call?

Carrie I totally get how you feel about the nativity, but don't feel bad about it. It would have been very intense for ds and I imagine the school would have been as unhelpful as possible anyway!

Danni dh has a switch and both kids love it, particularly mario cart!

Totally agree magrat. I think all children would benefit from special school education. Interestingly since dd's mainstream got a new head most of the focus has been on emotional well being and inclusivity. They even have a therapy dog and a small farm now! The kids there are much happier and it makes a huge difference.

Hahah love the stories! Ds says all sorts of inappropriate things about killing people too!

Ds is in school today but apparently they have lots of covid cases so I wouldn't be surprised if term ends early. I'm just hoping he can still go in tomorrow so I can get the house move finished!!!

Oh good luck with the move liv! X

Danni yes, we have both called and emailed about 1000000000 times. Stalker territory.

Good luck liv!!

Haha Carrie you stalker 🤣

I’m the same, I used to phone ds’ caseworker on repeat when we were trying to sort his school, and it directed to her mobile (without my knowledge), she answered once and said she was sorry she had missed so many calls she’d been in a meeting, I could’ve died at the embarrassment, I didn’t know it did that!

Oh I know it’s not like my work (as DH tells me) but just so frustrating as I’m on absolute tenterhooks for DS… last contact was DH rang the guy Monday, he emailed DH saying he couldn’t talk but could DH talk tues? DH replied saying yes, I’ll ring you at 4pm let me know if that’s not ok.

No response from LA so DH rang yesterday at 4, emailed several times, rang again etc etc. LA guy not picking up phone or email and still not got back to us.

I know maybe my clients expect more (???) but I would be blasted by them saying ‘if 4pm wasn’t a convenient time why did you not tell me??’. I would also be blasted by a client if they had left several urgent emails/ messages on my voicemail and I hadn’t acknowledged them by now.

Sorry for my slow response @carriebradshawwithlessshoes! I'm terrible keeping track of who is who so I'm impressed you've got everybody else TBH!!

I have 2 DC. DD is 7 and autistic, and DS is 4 and NT (and a total drama llama :) ) DD is in mainstream though it's private so it's smaller class sizes and a smaller scale operation altogether, which I think suits her.

Thank you Light! It’s funny but when we all chat relatively regularly it sticks in my mind as though I know you all in RL which is mad!

Ooo I’m interested in that… I wonder if that’s your private school or many? Part of the issue for DS (not all though) is class size. I have a few friends with children in private schools and they have put the fear of god in me as they are very not tolerant of SEN. My best friend has 2 in a very esteemed private school… a new boy joined recently from Spain, English a bit shaky, school weren’t overly happy with this ‘additional requirement’, they told mum they would reluctantly sort out some extra language lessons but then billed her (on top of school fees.) They are quite open they don’t want kids with SEN, they may accept a minor thing but nothing significant.

Wonder if that’s not the norm ??!!

Ds had some cards home from school today, (2) I’m very suprised at the writing, it is beautiful, I know I say this every year and in mainstream it’s to be expected, but I expected a little less quality given the school this year, (me and my assumptions) just something else ds is miles behind at it seems (I thought they’d all be on par for some reason given the array of difficulties). Ds doesn’t write anything like it.

I’ve asked him for the names of the children in his class, he’s named me 4 which I’m familiar with, then he starts saying Gracie / Mollie / Mandy etc etc I’m sure they aren’t in ds class especially the Mandy! (None of the staff are called that) he did this to me when he first started, said he’d been playing with x and x I mentioned it to his teacher and he said no we don’t have any children by those names! Lol.

I’ll get ds to write the ones I know exist and get him to sign cards for the rest and leave the front of the envelopes blank and the teacher will have to write the names i don’t know.

I wasnt going to send cards tbh, because his school are covid freaks! (Messages most days about it) and i didn’t think it would be allowed, (they freak out if a child takes a toy in or brings one home etc) so I’m going to have fun trying to get ds to write all this at short notice.

How odd would that be @danni0509?? I think we're in different parts of the country though!

It was Christmas jumper and lunch day at ds’ school today too. He didn’t go, obviously!

Carrie two of my cousins (autistic and ADHD) went private the whole way through and in fact boarded for secondary. They had great support, but I'm not sure if that's the norm. The local authority can't enforce EHCPs in the same way that they can with mainstream schools and it can also be more difficult getting outside agencies in.

I'm sorry he didn't go in open. Nearly the end of term now though!

Danni ds has never told me any of the names of the kids or teachers he's at school with so we never send cards!

First day of the move is done. Second and final day tomorrow. Cannot wait to be properly in the new house! Ds seems quite excited about it but I thinking getting him on the bus on Friday will definitely be a challenge.

Are you going far Liv??

No literally round the corner!

Always the best way! You know what you are getting!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

danni I'm sure school would give out a list of first names for cards, ours does. Ds will love his presents I'm sure. Are you sure it wasn't parents who had written the cards? I did all of ds', no way he would do them. Not that my writing is beautiful!

liv good luck for first day of move. A stressful time to do it, especially with children. Fingers crossed for the bus.

I didn't even bother trying to get ds in today, I just can't be bothered with the stress for the last few days. It's a waste of time, energy and petrol as well. I'm hoping he'll go in briefly with me waiting in reception on Friday so he can say good bye and get a bit of closure. That's the plan anyway. I just hope that we can start fresh in January and he has a more positive experience that will draw him in. We got a floor plan of the lower floor of the building along with a social story and photos of his teacher and TA's yesterday. It has a small soft play, so hopefully they'll be able to get him out of there at some point.

Good luck with the rest of your moveLiv

Carrie hope that someone picks the phone up soon.

I am still waiting to hear what happened when DS's EHCP went back to panel (almost a fortnight ago). I have an appeal in (re contents - lack of OT provision) and LA are required to respond by mid-January so hopefully that might galvanise them... or not.

Totally given up on DS sending cards here as just getting him to sign his name in a single birthday card exhausts me. At therapy today DS was asked to do some drawings and he was trying so hard but if you saw the output you would probably guess that it was by a 3 year old. One of the things that DS was asked to draw was a woman and he asked if he could draw me. He provided commentary as he was drawing, ' first a very, very big head..... Next a very, very VERY big.... (I was sure that he was going to say breasts, bum or tummy) but he said heart! So my portrait was a giant headed stick person (wish that I was slim) with a big heart and smiley face. I welled up a bit.