Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Ds had an excellent day yesterday but mixed today. He got upset about something this morning and pushed someone over but otherwise good.

Thankfully it’s the weekend anyway and only one more week until half term here.

How's everyone's week going? I think that DS is definitely ready for half term.

At bathtime DS said to me 'I don't want to die' and I realised that our conversation about death last week had really stayed with him. I hope that I reassured him but I don't think he really understood. At the end he said. 'Don't worry Mum, I'm going to live forever'

Hi dimples.

Ds is also ready for a break I think. He didn’t have a great morning today but had a good afternoon. Two more days...

Ds went through a similar phase in January dimples, hopefully your ds won’t worry or dwell on it too much.

I've been at work crazy hours so have missed all bedtimes and am really missing the kids (though I've seen them for breakfast at least, but it's not really the same). Definitely making it home for bedtime tonight!!

DD is doing well I think. DS is definitely ready for the holiday! I'm hoping next week will be less busy for me too, I am also ready to ease up a bit!

I think DD understands that she is going to die one day but she seems to accept that it won't be for a long time (and also that I am going to die first, but even that won't be for quite a long time). I hope both these things turn out to be true! She seems OK with that now. I think we went through all these discussions a bit earlier because of her grandma dying so we had a lot of discussions about it then (when she was about 3.5) and since then (it's definitely been a topic she's returned to a few times over the years ... so much so that even DS knows that his grandma died and it's sad, even though he was only a few months old at the time and definitely won't remember anything!)

Light I hope you can have a calmer week next week and spend some more time with the dc.

I’m hoping ds has a better morning today. I made him do a little note for his TA last night; he drew a picture and wrote ‘sorry’. This is the sort of thing they do at school if they upset or hurt anyone so I figured it was good to extend the practice to home, and his TA too (plus it was his writing practice for the evening).

We’ve been having YouTube issues again recently, with him being recommended unsuitable videos because fuckwits decide to make unsuitable videos using little kids toys and because YT have removed functionality to block channels

Having to police more carefully what he watches, deleting videos and cutting down his time again (He’s watched hardly any the last couple of days). It’s going to be trickier next week with half term and him being at home more.

Ds breaks up today. Thankfully dd will be in holiday club next week, so I only have one child to think about!

We've had some upset over the last few days as the internet hasn't been working. Ds has been very annoyed about not getting to chose what he wants to watch when he wants it! I wish I could explain effectively that we're not just being mean.

We're nowhere near the death conversation with ds. Dd is starting to understand it a bit. My nephew who's the same age as dd went through quite a prolonged death obsession, thankfully it's passed now.

You tube is such a minefield open, I wish it was easier to control what they watch.

We’ve not yet had to deal with our Wi-Fi being down. I dread to think what would happen. He got annoyed enough at the weekend when we had a couple of mini power cuts

A good morning, bad afternoon. Sigh. I’m struggling to know what to do when he’s physical with the staff at school. Any pearls of wisdom?

Hello everyone.
Hope your all keeping well.
I wanted to give you a quick update on our situation. We decided to remove ds from school today the last straw was Monday him punching a nd pushing a ta and her grabbing and restraining him so he couldn't get out of school and punch her. Then tuesday i couldn't get him to leave the house. Yesterday we got him to school i told them to keep it calm and he was calming talking though things he had learnt at home the ta was clearly getting annoyed by this point as it was taking to long ds asked if mummy could come in they said no she then proceeded to try keep him in school and kept grabbing him. I had to tell her over and over again not to grab him she still did. I let ds run to my dad to calm down then walked him home. The school also had a specialist teacher report done that stated he was fine in school then 5 days later reduced his time table from 11.30 finish to 11.05 finish. We are going to home school and maybe find a different school for September.

@Harley that sounds such an awful experience. You’re doing the right thing for your boy, I’m sure. He is so young to have these things happen to him. Take care of yourselves. Sending 🌻

Open we just repeat the same as when he's violent at home. 'In this house we are kind to each other' we Try to talk about what's happened when he's calmed down and remind him that we don't hurt other people, varying degrees of success depending on how anxious he is! To be honest if ds is being aggressive with school staff it's usually because they have mismanaged his behaviour.

Harley it sounds like you're making the right decision. Do you have enough support to be able to home educate?

liv that’s what we do but I was wondering if we should be doing more. This used to be a rare thing and it’s happening more regularly at the moment. It seems he was trying to leave the classroom without permission (he has tickets for movement breaks), I think he was (probably) physically stopped and then he got upset and then lashed out.

I don’t know what the answer is. He can’t run around the school doing as he pleases but it’s how best to deal with him when he’s in that frame of mind and prevent it escalating?

Harley I think you’re doing the right thing. Hopefully his confidence will return while he’s at home with you

Thank you @FurryCat1978 @livpotter and @open
It was the only thing left to do.
I have been offered support from a few people including professionals for home educating plus we have been working from home since November anyway. We will also continue with the ehcp appeal as we feel and feel theres evidence enough to prove we was forced to remove.

I'm sure you are doing the right thing @Harleyisme but sorry you've been pushed to it!! FWIW some friends of ours took their daughter out of school earlier this term due to similar issues and she is already doing much better home schooled (I think they are paying for a few hours a week of a tutor and otherwise doing it themselves while they look for a new school). I think there are a bunch of Home Education groups on Facebook that might be worth looking up (hopefully some with an autism-specific experience?)

Hopefully if you can get the EHCP then you could find another school that could support with the right resources in place and (critically) the right attitude to accommodating DS's needs rather than trying to squeeze him into their mould.

Well done Harley and sorry that you have had to deal with so much.

It's so tricky isn't it open as there are things you know would work at hone that can't work at school. Does he have a specific place he can go to when he leaves the room or does he just wander? I know with ds he gets unbelievably frustrated if someone tries to stop him doing something he really wants/needs, but he usually ends up lying on the floor in a heap.

Harley that sounds good. I'm sorry your hand has been forced.

I had quite an epic moment yesterday in that for the first time in about 3 years I took both kids to the park then the supermarket on my own! We did go at 8.30am when it was slightly raining so no one else was there. Definitely couldn't do it if it was busy as ds is so quick! But it definitely felt like a real achievement.

That's great, Liv!

Open that's really tricky isn't it. It's obviously a good coping mechanism to remove yourself from situations that cause anxiety and then if someone stops you it's natural to fight back. Do you think that he's getting enough breaks? Do they all have to be initiated by him? I wonder if his seat in the classroom is in the best position? Does he have a wobble cushion or anything like that? Every time DS has got physical at school (and fortunately it's not common) it's been when someone has invaded his personal space.

I was definitely 'that parent' at school yesterday. DS's spellings have become increasingly hard (no differentiation). Last term we'd practice at home and after a week he would be getting 10/10 and then at school 7-10/10. This term he has never been able to get them all right at home and the last two weeks 4/10 @ school. I don't want his confidence and enjoyment of learning to suffer so I wrote a note to say that we were going to just practice the first 5 words on the list. This did not go down well. The crazy thing is that in the Juniors they have 5 words on the spelling list and in Year 1 and 2 10?! This week's list includes the words venue and tissue.

We have EHCP review next month - actually still haven't received LA's decision on last year's. Do any of your children get regular OT input through EHCP? DS's motor skills are v weak (he is a real sensory seeker and we still have toileting issues) - I feel that they should be more involved.

dimples we haven’t had the final EHCP following our AR in July. Apparently once you get the initial one in place it’s common here to have to chase subsequent ones ahead of the next AR! Bonkers since the document is already complete and just needs signing and sending out.

We get no OT input, we have a private OT.

Yes, he has a very good coping mechanism I think and we never force him to stay somewhere he’s unwilling if a bit of gentle encouragement doesn’t work. At school it’s different isn’t it.

He does sensory circuits first thing 4 mornings a week. They have a morning break and then lunch at 12:15. Plus they get choosing time (though I don’t know how this is earned or when). He has 6 (I think) tickets to allow him to leave the class for a 10m break but the idea is he’s done some work initially. He has a basket with all of his ‘jobs’ and he can choose the order in which he does them plus he joins in class lessons when he’s willing.

I think the problem in the afternoons can be (not always) that he doesn’t want to stay in the classroom much and wants a constant break.

When he leaves the class they may go to the library or different reading areas, hall if empty, office or possibly outside. He has been known to join in other classes PE sessions...

I want to email the SENco with some ideas for them to try. I think the key is for them to use ABC to identify the issue/s and be proactive rather than reactive. He will have a new TA in the afternoons going forward. She is young and (hopefully keen) so maybe that will help.

liv congratulations on getting both kids out. A real achievement

dimples I agree on the spellings. A reasonable adjustment surely?

We have a wobble cushion at home that he doesn’t use. He has a desk in a side part of the classroom so that he has his own space but is still in the room. Last year this area was outside the classroom, maybe that’s the difference.

Ds got a valentine’s card from a girl in his class. So sweet.

I’ll stop posting now!

Open that's so cute re the Valentines!

We're still waiting on the final EHCP too. It's very annoying. Going to start bothering the caseworker again this week as I need it to apply for transport for next term.

We don't get OT either dimples although a lot of ds sensory seeking stuff is written into section F of the plan to be delivered by his 1:1 ie sensory breaks etc. I would definitely flag it up at the annua review meeting or even request it from the SENCO before.
The spelling lists sound really unrealistic and like you say it would be awful for him to be put off.

It sounds like he's sort of had enough in the afternoon open. I love the idea of him joining in with another PE class, sounds like something ds would do. Very sweet about the valentines card!

Yes liv, I think that’s exactly it some days and it’s what I said to the teacher and SENCO when I met with them. I suppose the only options are to reduce to a half day or try to manage it better.

I need to have a brainstorm and email my thoughts to the SENCO and teacher. Whether they take it onboard is another matter.

Are we all on half term? Hope everyone is well. DS has just started getting more interested in writing woo hoo!

That's a good idea Open.

Brilliant Lottie!

We've been on half term since Thursday. Ds is struggling with it. He's been on edge all day today, very repetitive and throwing things. I think it's going to be a long week.