Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Yes, absolutely. I want him to have only positive memories of it. Plus they have art this afternoon and it was an art related trip. I think that’s enough for him for today.

I bet they are all surprised how well he did, I certainly am.

I am seeing the teacher and SENco after school tomorrow for combined parents evening/EHCP tracking update. Feeling a bit anxious about it, I hope it’s mostly positive. Dh won’t be able to go as he will need to take ds home.

Hello everyone,
We are in confusedville right now trying to figure out whats going on. LA are contesting the appeal. With there reasons we received a email the senco sent to the LA sendo in red writing at the top it says confidential- Must not be share with the parents, The email goes on about ds has continence issues in school that parts make worse with anxiety. The rest of the emails talks about how ds has no needs at all and needs no support at all ( his autism isn't even mentioned). They even talk about how they have had another professionals meeting and getting Social services involved with us yet again.The email ends telling the council all about how trained the school is in asd and adhd, attachement issues, safeguarding issues and that they are a fully inclusive school. I am waiting on a response back from the head after i have sent a letter in asking to explain why they have done this why and who they plan on getting involved now and pointing them towards all the professionals letters confirming all the issues he has.

Apparently the Private EP isn't the only EP they have anonymously consulted on the LA EP to they were very vague on what they had said just said it was similar to the private EP but what confuses me is they consulted with the LA EP on the 15th jan and the private ep after they never told us anything about the la ep till yesterday but told us all about the private ep in the email i told yous about before.
Last week ds came home in a foul mood on wednesday he was screaming at me they don't meet my needs any of my needs they only change me, he then told me someone had been in class watching him and he didn't like it. At the time it didn't make much sense.
Yesterday ds wouldn't go to school i did manage to get him there but then he refused to stay he ran away from me didn't run home he ran further than home we manage to persuade him to go home he didn't want to go home as he was worried that the teachers would come to his home. we ended up having to go have a meeting with the head who told us they were waiting on a report from the specialist teacher who visited last week ( last week now makes sense). Apparently the school are surprised ds isn't behind as hes missed so much school which have take some of the work i have done at home with them to prove that i am doing my best to keep him up to date ( they were trying to prove i didn't want him to progress for some reason the senco even tried to say in a meeting she was sorry to tell me as i may not like to hear it but he was still making some progress. we had got ds doing 9.30 11.30 daily but yesterday the head took it back to 11.05 as apparently ds is very clearly agitated in school. Ds is also telling staff he wont do work they send home. They do what he says at school yet i am to be more stern. They are still trying to push him going to another school. They think that a new school will make a difference ds does talk about a new school but he thinks that means he can go to a school where he can do what he wants only for a hour a day and do what he wants only. He can't go to another school without a ehcp as all the other school dont have the means to supports his toileting needs with out additional support.
today ds came home with black marker all over his head and seems unaware how it got there and nobody said anything.

How is everyone and everyones dc's doing?

Harley your ds's school is the pits! I cannot believe how badly you are being treated and how obstructive they are being. I'm so sorry you are in such a rubbish situation at the moment.

Open well done your ds! Really pleased that you had a good trip and you definitely made the right choice taking him home.

Light glad your ds is ok. Do you think dd tries to memorise the moves of something before she tries it? Often if I do a puzzle or something that requires fine motor ds will watch me do it over and over before he will try it. As if he wants to see how it works before he does it himself.

Sorry about the swimming dimples. Ds used to love going but now flat out refuses. We never did lessons, just family swims. Not sure why he stopped wanting to do it.

Good luck with the meeting Lottie.

I agree with light, Furry. That sounds like a brilliant idea to approach talking about feelings. How is dd doing now?

We're having an Ok-ish week. Ds refused to leave to house this weekend and it's had a knock on effect of poor sleep (going to sleep at 9pm which to be fair is still better than midnight), lots of repetitive building and actions and a whopper of a meltdown at school on Monday. The new 1:1 obviously handled it well though as ds was very relaxed when I picked him up about 40mins later. Definitely going to force him out this weekend whether he wants to go or not!

That’s great news re the trip Open.

Harley words fail me - what on earth are the school playing at? I thought DN’s was bad.

Liv I feel that pain DN would never leave the house if he could.

Not such a good day here. After 4 weeks of no toileting accidents at school I got a call from school today asking me to collect DS as he had had an accident and had smeared poo in his hair - he has never done this before

@Harleyisme Your poor DS and your family. This is an awful situation. Can the advocate you mentioned before throw any weight in on your behalf?

DD’s lunchtimes were better last week (book used) but today not so great (she couldn’t find her book) I found her book in its usual place so think I need to prompt the staff to get it out with the lunchbox... in fact I might put a note in her lunchbox so she can remind them herself! I’ve tried to attach a picture of the Billy Book. I’m pleased I’ve found a way to wheedle information out of her as otherwise it is a fine line between spotlight on her/too much information.

That looks fab Furry

That is so good @FurryCat1978! You should make a book of them, I bet other people would find them useful too! Glad the book is working. A note in her lunch box to remind her sounds good, as things are probably pretty overwhelming at the start of lunchtime.

And OMG @Harleyisme you would have had to hold me down when she said "you might be disappointed to learn he is making progress", and I am the calmest person you ever met (on the outside at least!! Ha!)

I think she probably does try to memorise things @livpotter. I remember hating getting things wrong too (especially in front of other people) so I guess it's a bit of that... the look on her face when she gets something that she's been struggling with is 1000% worth it though!!!

Sorry to hear about the poocident @dimples76. Do you think DS could be coming down with something?

DS is definitely out of sorts. This morning on the way to school we were approaching a side street crossing. He's been so good with roads recently I have probably relaxed too much (not that anyone could accuse me of being relaxed in general). He had stopped as instructed but then saw a friend on the opposite side of the road and just stepped out. A car was turning into the side street at that moment and had to brake to avoid him. When I tried to talk to him about it I burst into tears. He was v wobbly going into school and asking why I cried. I left a message for his TA about what happened.

I wonder if he's picking up on my emotional state re adopting again. It is 6 weeks to go until adoption panel and then we will meet her the following week. I was planning to wait a few more weeks to tell DS (he knows that he is going to become a big brother this year but nothing more) I'm doubting myself now.

Oh dimples that is scary, you see things flashing before your eyes. I hope ds settles back down. Was the poo smearing on purpose or just accidental as he was trying to clean himself up?

How old is the LO? I presume she’s currently with a foster family?

Furry glad dd is happier at lunchtime again. I hope it continues.

liv I hope you can get ds out this week and that ds settles. It’s not great for anyone being cooped up, I’m glad that phase has passed for us right now.

Harley I’m speechless really. I don’t think the toileting issues prevent you looking at other schools though as they all need to be able to cater for such needs (whether they like it or not).

Open she is 6 months old and in foster care. I think that the smearing was deliberate rather than accidental - it wouldn't occur to DS to clean himself up! Just about to go to school and dreading what news pick up brings.

dimples I hope the news at pick up was good. It’s so nerve wracking when we go through these tricky periods and you don’t know what to expect 🤞

I hope the adoption is approved and the LO will be placed with you soon. A sad start for her but so nice she will be going to a loving family. I have two friends who are CP social workers. I really don’t know how they cope.

Will post my update separately.

Thanks Open - he has had a good day at school and came out proudly with a Lexia certificate and HT award sticker. Also had our first (rather ambitious on my part) go at playing Guess Who. DS had a really good try and had a go at reading all the characters' names. After the start to the day I'm feeling particularly grateful tonight.

dimples hooray for a good day!

I met with ds’ teacher and the SENco yesterday and it was all pretty positive. After settling back in post Christmas he’s (mostly) back on track and doing good work. They are finding it tricky to motivate him to do meaningful work in the afternoons and we discussed some things they can try. Frankly he’s probably just tired by then and had enough for the day. Plus lessons are more varied as the core stuff tends to be done in the mornings.

I asked how far behind they thought he was and they think less than a year in reading and maths. Writing is further behind and his fms still need work but hopefully he is starting to make progress there too. In maths he still relies on manipulatives but I think that’s ok, he’ll move on when he’s ready. I’m really heartened by this though.

On the way out I had a chat with the year 2 teacher who I know a little. I have heard that she is the best teacher in the school and the kids adore her so I’m hoping she’ll be there for the duration of ds’ year 2. Anyway, she’s already starting to think about the transition which is great.

That sounds a great parents evening Open. Well done DS and you!

TAF meeting pretty positive and good that everyone seems to get DS and his need for routines etc. External la teacher observations tallied well with this too. She suggested maybe repeating reception as DS is August born, no ehcp yet, and at least a year behind peers socially and academically. So we don't know what to do now!!!

Lottie what other options were you thinking of (if any)? What is he struggling with in his current class?

It’s great that everyone is getting on the same page. Sounds like a very positive meeting.

dimples I think they’re trained to make these meetings positive aren’t they? I think I worry because of the comment his reception teacher made about the school being able to meet his needs at the moment. It makes we worry when he has periods that are more unsettled that they will say that they no longer can. He does have times when he is quite difficult but, of course, I don’t know how it compares to the other SN children they have for perspective.

I don’t yet know who his new afternoon TA will be. They said it is likely to be an existing staff member rather than the new TA they are advertising for.

@danni0509 you haven’t been on for ages. I hope all’s ok.

Lottie glad that the meeting went well. I delayed DS's school start (he has a June birthday) so he is currently the eldest in yr1 rather than one of the younger ones in yr2. It's worked well for us - the other children seem quite amused by it because DS is the smallest child in yr1. Does DS have any particular friendships in his class which he would miss if he repeated?

I agree Open I always need to prompt DS's teachers to talk about difficult behaviours. Or sometimes the first that you hear of them is in a positive way, e.g. it's great that DS has stopped pouring water all over the floor. That said I think that if they were worried that the behaviours weren't manageable they would let us know.

They have put so much 1 to 1 support in place and he is doing well but has two regular 15 min breaks a day in the sensory room, lots of adult led 1 to 1 activities, etc. He is finally starting to not move away when one of his two favourite children come to join him in an activity! Huge progress in terms of socialising and social confidence but I don't really think they're friendships as such. He much prefers the tas! The external send la teacher brought up the idea of repeating reception, saying it might give him chance to catch up, and that hes an August born anyway so very young, we might know more about a diagnosis and ehcp by the time he moved to year 1 if he repeated as well but I just don't know, it's a huge decision! La have agreed to reassess for asc at the start of April. Send la teacher seemed to think it was mad he wasnt diagnosed last summer when we were fobbed off with the 'asd traits' gambit. Hope everyone else is doing ok. I'm going to eat a steak and watch this Barrymore thing on channel 4!!

Dimples sorry about the poo and road incidents. My ds is super sensitive to other people's emotions particularly mine, even if he doesn't know what that emotion actually is. Does ds do better knowing things in advance or with less warning? Great about the award!

Glad ds had a better week furry. That book looks great!

Sounds like a good meeting with the school open. Great the year 2 teacher is already starting to plan ahead.

Lottie my ds repeated reception this year. He really would've struggled in year 1. He really didn't seem bothered about not being with the same children this year as like yours he was closer with the TAs I think. It's been good for us as he has had another year in a familiar classroom and he's on more of a social/emotional level with the younger children. He's definitely progressed more in maths and phonics this year too.
It's also given us time to sort out what we wanted for him. I was very reluctant to think about special school last year but this year I can see his needs more clearly, as can the school.
I hope they give you a clearer idea of what's going on when they reassess!

Lots to catch up on here!

Scary about the stepping into the road thing Dimples! DD has does something similar a couple of times but luckily no cars approaching at the time. She is so easily distracted! Exciting about the baby, hope the process goes ok.

Glad parents evening went well Open and great news about the successful school trip!

Sounds like the TAF meeting went well Lottie, it sounds like some other DCs have repeated Reception year. Hope you enjoyed your steak, yum!

Hope this weekend is better Liv, we also have weekends cooped up sometimes when DD just doesn't want to leave the house.

Love the Billy Book Furry!

Hope your week is going well Light?

So sorry school are being awful Harley what are the other options?

DD is having an okay-ish week, the twitch has gone but she seems to be visiting the toilet a bit more frequently so if it's not one thing it's another!

I went on an Understanding your Childs Sensory Preferences course yesterday, run by Occupational health. It was quite good and will help us to put together a 'sensory diet' plan for DD. Also more 'evidence' for the big folder I am keeping for when we reapply for EHCP.

Hi x

Thanks for thinking of me open

I deleted the app again and got an email this morning saying I had been tagged in a post.

Hope everyone is ok, I’ll have a read back when I get a minute.

Ds is ok, still a terror as I’m sure he always will be.

Not really much to report other than the usual behaviour but I won’t bore you all.

Lottie it’s great the school have put so much in place without an EHCP. There are definite positives about repeating reception. It’s probably the easiest time to do it - before friendships become more cemented and also he is less likely to think it’s because he is ‘stupid’ which is often how children must feel when they’re older.

Little glad the OT course was good and has given you some ideas. I hope the number of toilet visits decrease soon.

danni sorry to call you back if you’re trying to stay away. I do miss your humour though! How is school going?