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Primary school Auties: into 2020! - thread 4

999 replies

LightTripper · 20/11/2019 10:44

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

OP posts:
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16
openupmyeagereyes · 17/02/2020 20:27

Oh that’s good Lottie, take advantage while you can.

Ugh liv, I hope you don’t have a whole week of it.

Yes, half term here too. We had a good day today, lovely walk and play in the woods this afternoon with friends.

Ds was very tired and whingy before bedtime though. Thankfully he’s now asleep!

openupmyeagereyes · 21/02/2020 20:09

How is everyone doing?

liv I hope ds settled down.

I’ve just been looking at DCD on the NHS website. There’s a bit about associated conditions where it said this about autism:

‘If your child also has autism, they may benefit from special programmes designed to help improve their communication, social interaction, and cognitive and academic skills.’

I‘m sure they would benefit from them, it’s a shame the NHS doesn’t offer any!

Half term has gone pretty well here. Ds was quite whingy and emotional on Tuesday again but has been fine since. We had a nice play date on Wednesday, visited my parents yesterday and today his OT came to the house (hence the DCD investigation). She’s so good with him and although we talked for more than half the session he did everything she asked him to do with no problem and no asking for the iPad before or after... Hmm. She’s seeing him at school again Tuesday for her regular session.

dimples76 · 21/02/2020 21:09

All fairly good here. Today was rather challenging as we went to a v busy museum - wouldn't have been my choice but my nephew had a genetics appointment nearby and my sister wanted to combine a fun element. The centre was packed and DS found it v hard. He has become increasingly focused on people following rules, e.g. today our friends exited through the entrance and DS cried his eyes out because they had gone the wrong way.

Open think I'm going to have to look into private OT again. I have emailed school asking for updated OT advice for EHCP annual review but I'm not holding my breath. You're right - if only that support was available. My nephew has a DCD diagnosis but not DS yet......

openupmyeagereyes · 22/02/2020 09:54

The following rules thing must be tricky because people break all sorts of little rules every day.

We’ve found the OT really good and she’s definitely helped ds though he still has far to go.

I meant to ask how your ds was doing his spelling tests? Is he writing them out at school? We’ve not had any feedback on the January spelling test, nor a revised list of words. I assume that means they didn’t do it. I will ask next week.

LottieBalloo · 22/02/2020 12:13

My DS gets upset at rule breaking too. He has no social filter and told me loudly about a woman crossing on red man at a road crossing recently. He wanted me to tell her off and was genuinely anxious about it. She gave both of us the most horrible look so I said 'yes that lady is being naughty but shes a grown up so if she gets squished that's her own fault'. She looked very surprised but what am I meant to say?? Ds can't understand the hypocrisy in the 'one rule for grown ups another rule for you' mentality so we all have to behave ourselves!!
We decided against repeating reception after it turns out we would have to apply for a school place again and as we are late theres no guarantee DS would be able to stay at current school, so im focusing on his next assessm8now, not being fobbed off again, and hopefully getting enough evidence together for an ehcp.

dimples76 · 22/02/2020 17:18

Open he types his spellings on an ipad (the rest of the class hand write them). DS is pretty good at typing but his handwriting has not progressed much (he can write his name and a few other legible letters).

I struggle to know what to do with the rule breaking thing. Yesterday my friend told DS that she had special permission to use the entrance as an exit but as Lottie and Open say it is a common feature of life. I worry that it affects him socially at school as like your DS Lottie he takes others to task when he finds them breaking the rules, e.g. at school you're not allowed to scoot/ride in the grounds - DS often shouts at the rule breakers. Lottie I think that your response was good. I try to tell DS that it's not his job to make other children follow the rules that the teachers and parents will do that. Ironically DS is rather selective about which rules have to be followed by him!

livpotter · 23/02/2020 07:11

That sounds like a good OT session open.

Dimples museums at half term are a nightmare. Must be very frustrating for your ds seeing people 'break rules'. Not really sure what the solution to that one is.

Lottie that's a bit mad having to reapply for the school! We didn't have to do that. The school just told the LA that he was repeating. Having said that I don't think they were expecting a full class.

After having a bad day on Monday ds has been a dream this week. We've either been chilling in the house or on the freezing park (obviously Ds has no coat shoes or hat while we are there!). Not sure how he hasn't caught pneumonia yet.

We got him this toy which is a dinosaur that turns into a car and that has been his main joy this half term. There has also been a lot of tent/den building.

I'm looking forward to having them both back in school/nursery tomorrow. Although I am not looking forward to the imminent meltdown from ds in the morning.

openupmyeagereyes · 23/02/2020 07:47

dimples that sounds good. I wonder if they even bothered with my ds, I’m sure I would have heard if they had.

Yes; crossing roads, walking on grass (when there’s a sign), littering. These little rules we try and teach are broken by people every day so it must be confusing for them. Lottie I think your approach was right, also yours dimples, that it’s not his job. I try and do the same with ds. He’s not (yet) a stickler for rules but he will often try to be ‘helpful’ if children aren’t doing as they’re told (the irony!) and I tell him it’s not his job and that the adult will deal with it. He doesn’t generalise this ‘helpful’ approach to himself of course Smile

Lottie I’m sorry you missed the application date but at least now you’ve decided you can make a plan to move forwards. The school are supportive so that’s half the battle.

I spent some time yesterday reviewing the work I want to do at home with ds. I’ve ordered a set of workbooks from a reading programme - it’s a bit of a punt really but not too much money wasted if they are no good. I just want something that tells me what to teach him in what order and I feel I don’t have that at the moment. He’s still very selective in which reading books he will agree to read and I end up doing a bit of this and that which doesn’t feel very productive. He’s still blending everything, I hope he moves on from that soon or at least that a new approach helps.

With writing I’ve been working recently on doing letter formation with him in efforts for him to try and catch up a bit but I need to step back again and stick to mazes, dot-to-dots and drawing to try and improve his pencil skills first (advice of OT). I’ll leave letters for school in the main now though I’ll try to get him to do functional writing as and when.

Sorry, that ended up very boring. I was hoping to do a SN soft play session today but ds is so snotty I think we need to give it a miss. So not sure what we’ll end up doing instead. It’s still quite windy here.

openupmyeagereyes · 23/02/2020 07:58

liv I’m glad your week was good in the end, it sounds nice and relaxing.

I’m looking forward to some time to myself too.

LottieBalloo · 23/02/2020 18:14

@openupmyeagereyes do you do the kids magazines? They usually have a workbook in, especially the Friends and Peppa ones, with counting and letters and mazes and spot the difference etc. They're a bit overpriced at a fiver a pop but DS loves them and happily sits and does the workbook with counting and writing etc whereas if I bought stuff I'd selected he wouldn't do it! I also going to take it to show his teacher as his recent workbook was great! He thinks it's a treat and he's improving on stuff, I wanted to share because I find them great!

openupmyeagereyes · 23/02/2020 18:37

Lottie he generally refuses to do them, has never even been interested in stickers. We have a stack of old ones that have never been done. Maybe I’ll see if he will do some of them this week.

We got out to the park for half an hour this afternoon but he found it a bit too windy to stay. On the way home cue a meltdown because he wanted to go and get a toy from the supermarket, he got out of his seat just as we pulled up at the house. Once inside it lasted over half an hour Wine

dimples76 · 23/02/2020 19:12

I have a collection like that too Open.

Feeling v anxious about this week I have a lot on at work but also need to fit in CAMHS appointment for DS tomorrow (referred re the pulling hair out problem but DS still only has 'diagnosis' of global development delay), SENDIST hearings x2 for my nephews, meeting paediatrician re my soon to be daughter and meeting her! I feel like I should be more excited and just hope after CAMHS appointment and EHC appeals are out of the way I can focus on the more exciting aspects of my life. I'm really struggling to sleep.

New problem with DS - not to put too fine a point on it he has become obsessed with breasts. He has previously commented on mine but today I was left lost for words when we were discussing Frozen. He said that he liked Elsa best because he liked her breasts !! Any advice on how to address this?

openupmyeagereyes · 23/02/2020 20:26

Tricky dimples. Ds commented on mine this week when we had a shower together. I just said they were for ladies to feed their babies. He then asked if I fed him and I said that I did. I think the best thing is to keep it very factual and not to make it a big deal. When ds went through a phase of getting his willy out I repeatedly told him it was private and I think that works well for boobs too. Maybe also just a general statement that we don’t comment on people’s bodies? Do you have one of those Usborne lift the flaps books about the body? That might move his interest elsewhere.

Busy and emotional week for you. Very exciting to meet your daughter though. Wishing you lots of luck for all you have on.

dimples76 · 23/02/2020 20:41

Thanks Open. We did actually look at an Usbourne body book this evening. I think he knows that he shouldn't be saying it and that's part of the appeal. My sister spat her drink out when he made the comment earlier which really entertained DS. Hopefully with a bit of repetition of advice and time he will stop....

openupmyeagereyes · 23/02/2020 20:45

Oh yes, they love the reaction don’t they. Hopefully it passes and he moves on to something else soon.

openupmyeagereyes · 24/02/2020 16:15

Was it back to school for everyone today?

Ds had a good afternoon with his new TA. I think the morning was ok but will find out tomorrow 🤞

We had lots of talk about not wanting to go back yesterday and this morning but no problems when it was time.

He’s been sleeping a bit later which has been nice though we have had some wakes during the night. I hope it doesn’t all go backwards now he’s back at school but I won’t hold my breath!

dimples76 · 24/02/2020 18:28

Not a good return to school here. We woke up to snow and DS was v excited. School stayed open but it was a v topsy turvy day and we have had tears tonight

LottieBalloo · 24/02/2020 18:36

Back to school here, slight drama at having to wear uniform again (as holiday club is non uniform but is the same place as wrap around club which is uniform in school term...), I met with DS' teacher at 5.30 after rushing from work so we are only just having dinner now! Busy day at work too - phew!

FurryCat1978 · 24/02/2020 23:26

DD is back tomorrow, too. Half term has been a challenge. It’s upsetting to see how anxious she is over the littlest things and makes me worry for her possible change to mainstream in September. She’ll join year 1, hopefully on a reduced timetable and with a TA, if I get the application completed correctly and advocate for her strongly enough. So hard to balance maintaining work, generating income, completing paperwork and maintaining a sense of calm at the same time. Feel a tad inadequate at the moment 😔. I want the best for her and want her childhood to be as easy as possible so she’s got a strong start to life but god it’s hard to juggle! Kudos and high fives to all of us in this boat!

dimples76 · 24/02/2020 23:45

Furry I think that you're being v hard on yourself - if you find out how to combine the day job with advocacy and SN parenthood whilst remaining calm please let me know!

Lottie that sounds like a tiring day. Hope that the teacher meeting went well.

livpotter · 25/02/2020 06:34

Sorry about the meltdown open. Toys at the supermarket are the worst! My dd cannot handle the idea of not getting a toy or magazine and she's NT. Great that he had a good first day back at school though.

My ds loves the Julia Donaldson ones Lottie. Also quite expensive but he loves the books so there's a nice link.

Dimples sounds like a tough week. Hope all goes to plan!

We were back at school yesterday. Ds was not impressed in the morning but after 20mins on the swing and a pillow fight DH managed to get him in. He then had such a good day they gave him a sticker, which he was super proud of. Hopefully today will be ok too!

Furry I actually often think that ds's behaviour is the least difficult thing about having a SEN child. All the forms, paperwork, meetings and fighting for all the support is such a challenge and I'm lucky enough to not be working full time!

openupmyeagereyes · 25/02/2020 16:30

dimples sorry yesterday was tough but I am very jealous that you had snow. We’ve had none at all this winter though hopefully this week 🤞

Lottie hopefully you managed to relax after your busy day.

Furry sorry dd found the holiday difficult. How did she get on today? Don’t feel inadequate, it’s not easy at all Cake

liv glad first day was ok and sticker-worthy.

Ds had a good afternoon but had a meltdown at home time about something he wanted to bring home, so that was fun.

openupmyeagereyes · 27/02/2020 09:54

Snowing here this morning ❄️❄️❄️

LightTripper · 27/02/2020 14:45

Here too! Didn't settle though, and sunny now.

I feel like I've been off the thread a long time! All good here but busy. I think we are going to make an appointment to see the school SENCO as DD does seem to be very tired (already, week 1!) and when we've got back into the habit of doing a diary she does talk about getting upset and crying at school (I think she basically gets a bit behind sometimes and then panics). I suspect losing her lovely TA who did the Early Bird with us to Year 2 may be having more impact than we thought too... Anyway, it's nothing disasterous, but we thought it was worth checking in (parents evening coming up but the slots are so short, there's not really time to talk about much more than school work!)

DS's birthday at the weekend, so looking forward to that! It's my DN's birthday the same day, and the kids have chosen him a present that I suspect they really want to play with themselves, so we'll see how that goes Grin

Hope everyone else is doing well and not under water (these floods seem endless!)

OP posts:
dimples76 · 27/02/2020 18:48

We were at the Tribunal yesterday for my nephews - it was one of the hardest days of my life. We feel optimistic about my younger ASD nephew but not so much for my older nephew (dyslexia, dyscalculia, DCD and suspected autistic). We are much more worried about my older nephew whose mental health is deteriorating and who is in year 5 so secondary is on the horizon. Basically it came down to the LA's EP who had written a good report re younger boy but we felt had not got a very good handle on the older. The judge asked him directly if he thought that the older boy needed an EHCP and he said no. Many tears were shed yesterday.

I'm on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster as tomorrow I'm meeting my soon to be daughter. A cloth photobook of DS and I was just delivered and when I showed it to DS he said that he couldn't wait to give it to his baby sister Smile

DS came home from school yesterday with a sticker which said 'I behaved well today' - I really didn't like that but perhaps I am being over sensitive.

Glad you got your snow Open. I got told off for throwing a snowball on Monday, DS said that he had been told at school it's very dangerous.

Liv at DS's school children on SEN register are given longer appointments on a different day.