A polite request that only people who believe in attachemnet parenting ish and self weaning join this thread please. I am just not up to being told I'm useless or a slave to my children

[IAmTheNewQueenOfMN]

Gecko is still waking at least 3 (sometime 6 and up times a night) to bf

Has anyone else had this?

she is 23 months

swedes, I am touched you want to save APers from ourselves . But if you have velcro baby with a mind of his own, it is as penthi says, the path of least resistance. The route may be longer but it is also scenic.

Swedes is like me, I think, she is really strongly for some aspects of attachment parenting and not so jump for joy about others. I suppose we are like the Methodists (is this a good analogy) of the AP world - but unlike Swedes (I think???) I am very very happy with co-sleeping! I think it is brill!!!

See - Here is a picture of us in our bed:

DD is two and a half - what we have always done is kept her up and she goes to bed with us - either asleep or awake depending on how late we go to bed. She sleeps in late in the morning (at the wkd we do too reading and chatting and listening to the radio - bliss!) but this routine will have to change, I suppose, when she starts nursery school next year.

What we have found is you do things until they start to not feel so right anymore and then things just rather naturally evolve!

I co-slept on and off for a few months when DS was tiny. It didn't work for us for lots of reasons - first DS's wind, then my backache, and finally his waking at 2am inconsolable every night.

I was quite upset - I'd read 3 in a bed and had really bought in to the whole idea. DH and I had discussed it, and decided that if we had a baby in the bed till they were 3, we were happy with that. However, due to extreme exhaustion, we ended up doing the whole cot and crying thing - and DS has been in it for nearly 6 months. I don't precisely regret it, as I do feel so much better now I'm sleeping better.

Now he's sleeping better, I find myself wishing that I'd persevered. He really wants lots of cuddles in the day, and when we've had him in with us during the night a few times while he's been ill, he's slept much better, only waking once or twice. (previous attempts had really failed and he just slept worse than ever).

We do lean heavily towards AP (DS hardly ever goes in a pushchair, always the sling), he's been BF on demand (until he started biting regularly and I now offer a snack instead, and BF if he asks again) but I sometimes feel a bit of a failure because I haven't 'seen it through'

Anyway, my point is - what keeps you all going through the tough times? Did none of you get back ache when feeding all the time?

And lastly, am I going to regret it if we do go back to co-sleeping? Or if we don't? DS gets cuddled to sleep every night and hates being put down in his cot, and generally goes down much more easily in our bed...

We put DS down at 8pm, okay I do and I'm late...and he bf to sleep then I sneak out and he wakes around 10:30 or 11pm when I then go to bed while DH tries to keep him from getting so upset that I am not the one in the room that he vomits on himself...okay, It's not always that bad, but that's been our week!

< at ahundredtimes>

I have four children and this is my cosleeping outline in emoticons

[restless] [grumpy] [as though he'd eaten a whole bag of Haribbo] [cross] [crying]

Chairmummiaow - I used to get backache when feeding DS in bed but for some reason I don't with DD.
I think perhaps i sort of curl round a bit more this time and am less tense.
That's the only explanation I can come up with.
I do remember how bad it was though - I was lying poker straight on my side, almost curving backwards I'm sure so it's no wonder really

I love this thread. I think I may have found my comfort zone on MN. DD is almost 21 months and until a months or so ago was waking 3/4/5 times a night and always breastfed back to sleep. Since then she has of her own accord starting to sleep for 5 or 6 (sometimes even 7) hours stretches so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I have had moments of doubt about the way we do things but DH has always bucked me up and i'm really proud of how we parent.
DD2 is due in April so i'm a bit apprehensive about coping with two night wakers and milk monsters. Has anyone else been though similar?

Oh and Trinity, you sound like a fantastic Mum.

Penth - loved your post. Made me smile esp the waggling boob so she doesnt even wake. And it didnt sound all judgey though it wouldnt matter if it did. When you choose one way of parenting it always means that you have dismissed another way (like waking baby up after then have snuggled down to a contented sleep after breastfeed which biologically has a sleepy part at the end to send them off.. )

Lots of interesting and heartening posts . We fell lazily instinctively into the AP things we have done too, and for the majority of the time it really has made things easier. But I did find it hard that DS depended exclusively on me in the evenings and at night for such a long time, and I do think it's true that the way life mostly is in this part of the world can place a heavy burden on mothers (in particular) who want to parent this way.
100x, I'm sometimes wonder about that (your lawn analogy), but how do we really know? There is all kind of anecdotal and research-based evidence to back up the attachment theory. I just sometimes think that with a bit more presence of mind or foresight we might have achieved the same effect without quite such intensive use of my nipples .

The lawn thing is irrelevant to me (though I get your point). I'm doing this for the here-and-now. I don't really know or care too much if it'll make her happier in the long-term - I'm certainly not so smug that I'd assume it would. Rather, it seems to make my DD happy right now. And that's what I care about right now.

As I said: why would I want to swap a set-up with a rested baby, rested mummy, and rested daddy for one with unrested baby, mummy and daddy?

No, I think you are absolutely spot on Pen. Actually you know any questions I raised, about lawns or others, was really in response to right way down at the start where the OP said she had 'no choice', and that's quite an alarming thing to hear a person say. I think AP has lots and lots of incredibly positive and wonderful things about it, I think I fell into some versions of AP myself - because actually it all makes sense. I probably subscribe to Swede's definition of what ultimately makes for happy children and happy mothers.

Also, the really important thing is that mine are older and so my perspective is a bit different. If you are happy then it's working, if anyone is feeling resentful, cross, tired - then all I am saying is that there is room for some tweaking and you can still have happy, secure children as a result of the tweaks. But hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it - when I was jigging ds1 up and down the bedroom at 6months, and then in between jigging, feeding, and then when not feeding lying in bed with him - I wouldn't have thought about grass for a second, promise, all I thought about was getting through the next hour.

Amen!

I still dont think I have any choice

I feel that what we are doin now is what she needs, right now

I dont think anythin else would work , right now which is why I think I have no choice

i dont mean it in a maudlin way

I don't have any choice either

Hello everyone, we're co-sleeping AP types too. We fell into a way of parenting and then I found out it had a name!

DD is 18 months now and still wakes at least twice in the evenings and two or three times more over night. If teething she sucks all night which I find really hard now. I also find the evenings tough now - a year ago she woke every twenty minutes so she's come a long way but I've still not had an uninterrupted evening and that does feel quite tough. The nights are fine if not teething as she literally sucks for a minute or so and is off again.

We have used Jay Gordon a couple of times to try and improve her ability to fall asleep herself and sleep for longer periods. We've done this partly because we are ttc and no luck, which may or may not be because of extended bfing.

Also, because after bouts of teething I have really felt at the end of my tether.

The Jay Gordon thing does involve crying, but very much angry crying rather than traumatised crying. The first time it felt really fine - she learnt to fall asleep off the breast and I honestly felt we were both relieved. Sometimes there's this conflict in that she doesn't really want any more milk but she can't get to sleep without. So that did feel like an ok, actually a good thing.

We then slipped back for various reasons. I did it again and we got back to the same point very easily, but when I tried to night wean altogether it just felt too too hard and so I stopped.

I'm with you all the way. This is a wonderful way to parent, but it is all consuming and sometimes it feels too much. But the alternatives just don't happen because they don't feel right. It's all about instincts and they can only be personal. I never imagined before that I would do things this way, but now the idea of a baby all alone in a room makes me feel really sad - babies should be cuddled up to their mothers like kittens!

But I do want to ensure I am continuing to educate dd about different ways of doing things. I don't want to be sleep deprived just because that's the habit.

We're getting dd's own room ready for her if she wants it. We'll put a toddler bed in there and probably start her off for the night in there. We won't force her. I think she'll like it tbh. But reading this thread I am questioning our urgency to move things on. It stemmed from the ttc thing, but now I'm wondering if we're feeling like we've finally got to tow the line of other parents we know. So will think on and talk to dp more.

I think i like the idea of her having her own bed if she wants it. If i got pg i'd probably just let things carry on.

Anyway, that's where we're at. Lovely to see so many of you about!

OMG just realised I wrote an essay. Sorry!

I feel that of course I have a choice.

Do things the way I am now, which seem to work and everyone is happy.

Or do them differently, which would without doubt cause great upset in our house all round and perhaps not even acheive anything.

I don't think I need my phone a friend to know that answer to this one.

littleteapot I am right there with you, esp on the 'a year ago she was waking every 20min' and the conflict of not wanting more milk bu tneeding it to get to sleep

I am off to look up Jay Gordon now...

wow. this is cool. iwas looking for some feedback since i bf my almost 13 month old on and off through the night and was told i should ween her to get her to sleep through the night in her own bed. some nights she has a bit of milk, some nights alot, some nights very little. she sleeps with us now after starting off in her crib for a few hours. i think i'd miss it if she moved out of our bed but would like it if she stayed in the crib a bit longer so my husband and i could have a little time together in the evening. btw, is this what is called attachment parenting? i don't keep up on the terms. any tips for getting our little one to sleep longer in her own bed? i can't do the crying thing. i wonder if it's just something that happens over time and i shouldn't change anything ... i think our daughter is happy and it's not too hard on us, but again might like if started off a little longer in her crib.