A polite request that only people who believe in attachemnet parenting ish and self weaning join this thread please. I am just not up to being told I'm useless or a slave to my children

[IAmTheNewQueenOfMN]

Gecko is still waking at least 3 (sometime 6 and up times a night) to bf

Has anyone else had this?

she is 23 months

I have actually cried (in relief) reading this thread . DD is 21 mo, BF, co-sleeping and waking between 1- 5 times a night rooting. People in RL expect her not to be feeding at night and to be in her own cot. We have an added problem in that we don't have another room to put her in so until someone moves out she will be in with us anyway.

She had been sleeping from 11pm to about 6am which was lovely, but we were all ill before Xmas and that threw everything.

Ah mine still does the lot- night feeds (but has gone from 0.2nd to 50th centile lately at a rate of a kilo a fortnight!), co sleeping etc, He's 9 mnths today

ds1 9 YERS still cosleeping when he can!

DH works nights and I rather like ds4 being in with us, and the oter 3 when i choose (although ds1 gets a bit possessive)

I don't have much to add apart from yes, btdt. DD1 was exactly like this until I night-weaned her. DD2, no energy or desire, really, to nightwean (apart from a vague wish for more sleep!). Have started sending DH in to see her sometimes - he did it over Christmas (oh I should say, we moved out when she was about 2 - she has the master bedroom and we have the spare!) and now if I don't feel up to bf I just say no no sleepy time and she goes off with a cuddle. I do still cosleep from first waking - but last night that first waking was 5 am, bliss!

is o.k ladies. this was me many moons ago. there is hope. DD2 is now nearly 11 and she does sleep through the night and i no longer breastfeed her
she has various other ishoos but none to do with me being a softy and letting her sleep in my bed for years.
i actually am now feeling a bit nostalgic ad envious for sweet leetle baby snuggles in the night.

She is happy and content but oyu sound utterly hacked off. SUrely oyu need to makesure you are happy?

If you are miserable and tired that will impact on other kids and your husband/relationship.

I think maybe on reading your second post you are overhtinking it and you sound bitterly tired. Try putting yourslef first so she has a happpy Mom again.
Saying "no feeding now" is not the end of the world and at that ages she won't starve will she?

My DS has just turned 2. Always co-slept and will be for some time as we have no spare room for him at the moment. He still BF a lot day and night but I'm happy to continue for as long as he wants because I know it won't be for ever.

He wakes at least 2-3 times in the night (although I think he is going longer lately) and I have either got used to the disturbed sleep or manage to catch up when I can because I don't feel exhausted really. Then again I don't go out to work or have other small children to deal with (just teenagers!) so it's not so bad. If anyone asks what his sleeping his like I just say it's fine and he sleeps through because I can't be doing with people commenting on how I choose to do things.

karl

sayin 'no feeding now' is the end of the world for her

how could suddenly, without explanation, taking away what she relies on for comfort (which imo IS as important as food and warmth) and security not be the end of the world

my mind boggles when people say she wont starve
IT IS NO LONGER ABOUT FOOD

sheesh
I didn't want to try and stand up for what I truly and wholeheartedly beleive with every fibre of my body on this thread
hence the title

I understand your point about putting myself first but as a parent I dont think 'first' comes into it
maybe 'up thwere alongside them' so that I can look after the three children and my marriage but not first

If it's any consolation to those who feel that others feel that this is all their own fault rod for own back etc etc...

I never co slept and dd went in her room, in her cot, to sleep on her own [I'd wake her after a bf so she'd self soothe before putting her down such was my mania]

Now at 4 years old she simply gets up and hops in and no ones any the wiser till morning when we find her cuddled up to one of us. Me, dd, dh, cat, several toys, a book, my bump - all in our bed.

So much for my intentions, she got me in the end!

Y'now how in Vegas the house always wins....
I've come to the conclusion dc's do the same!

And all power to them I say! Wise little packaged they are too.

Ds 20mths woke twice a night until I stopped night feeds iirc he was about 15 months ? I still bf at bedtime and generally would be labelled as a totally baby led attachment rod for her own back type of mother BUT I was working full time and absolutely exhausted.

I did personally feel by that stage that it would be best for both of us i.e. he would have a more solid night´s rest and so would I, and we would all be happier for it.

Dh took over settling him when he woke at night and it was actually much easier than i thought, I think the first night he was rather peed off but still didn´t take too long to settle with cuddles from dh and the second night was even quicker and then that was it! He slept through! It was amazing. And ds is still a cuddly mummy´s boy and loves his bedtime feed. And the plus side is when he does occasionally wake at night (didn´t for months but in the last week or so has been waking briefly at approx 3am) dh does the settling . All he has to do is go in, pat his back, and he goes straight back to sleep.

If you are happy with it that is one thing, you don´t have to justify it to yourself or anyone else but if you are not than of course you can break the cycle and she really won´t hold it against you.

Wise little packages they are too.

I would have had a nervous breakdown from the exhaustion if I hadn't weaned DS off night feeds at 2 and a half. I did miss the cuddles a bit, though. I think I missed them more than he ever did, to be honest!

God even an expression of sympathy is too much! Are you ratty like this with everyone?

Put out a call for Wilf - she recently night weaned her baby roughly the same age, she can help you I think

I wasn't being ratty with you
you were very dismissive
you said saying 'no feeding now' is not the end of the world

you told me to put myself first

first isn't an option
and yes it is the end of the world

I dont feel I have been ratty with you but the things you said made me feel that I had to explain my beliefs

didn't do AP but bfed both girls for 2 and 3 yrs respectively. "gave up" by casually throwing it into conversation, though dd2 was a little

did stop feeding in night though as work and waking 4 or 5 times a night just didn't mix. depends how much you like sleeping imo

Yuck for you, answer to your question: yes. Seems pretty normal until you night-wean.

Basically night-weaned by her co-sleeping with DH and me in their bed.

Annoying innit

They change fast fast fast though

Is there an AP way to night wean?

How do AP's night wean then? I mean is it when child wants to stop - or are can you gently guide the idea into the bedroom?

OP - don't be cross - you sound v. tired. You don't have to defend your beliefs by devising a plan on how to work towards night weaning? No?

bundle - how did you do it?

[I am taking notes here, have had similar conversation with RL friend. Have done lip biting, want tips]

I think you were a bit harsh on Karl, Queen... I really don't think s/he was criticising your parenting style but just picking up on the fact that you do appear to be asking for some kind of help... if you really do feel that this is the way to go for you and her, then that is fine!

As I said earlier, I personally found the night waking exhausting much earlier than you did and stopped dd from bfing, whilst continuing to sleep with her - and therefore comfort her. I was very lucky in that dd seemed surprisingly unbothered about the whole thing - I never thought it would be so easy to stop feeding her whilst lying next to her in the bed.

If you really are happy with what you are doing, then carry on. I am sure your dd will stop feeding at some point - I personally have no idea when that will be.

good post by Maveta, too.

Though do see that perhaps you don't want to night wean? Which also do see. But with RL friend, like with you, I want to help and fix. Annoying, I know.

100x - in answer to your question - DS2 will be four next month and we've just about got to the point at which he doesn't feed during the night. I thought I'd wait and see what would happen if I didn't actively wean him - and this has been the result (fine with me, by the way). He has always been a right milk monster though - I'm sure other children will have self-weaned at night earlier.

ds went into own room about that age, for bedtime more than anything else. i set a rule about when i'd feed at about 18m - not after 12 or before 3am i think (but it moved a bit as he got older). dh did settling if he woke up.

i think that is fair enough at 23m, particularly if you consider you may still be feeding for another 23m. ds is 3.8 now, still bf but not after bedtime or before 6am unless there is a very good reason. he appears in our bed any time between midnight and 6. we get up at 6.30 if i am working.

I am finding myself reassured by DisasterArea's post though

Tiredness and small children are a killer combo

If you were not so tired you could see that perhaps night weaning may not be the disaster that you fear for your child - having a Mam not worn down by broken nights may compensate in intagible ways ?

Good luck