A polite request that only people who believe in attachemnet parenting ish and self weaning join this thread please. I am just not up to being told I'm useless or a slave to my children

[IAmTheNewQueenOfMN]

Gecko is still waking at least 3 (sometime 6 and up times a night) to bf

Has anyone else had this?

she is 23 months

Penthesileia, I loved your post. I completely agree, and that's what I was thinking last night when my mum spent an hour and a half next to DS's cot trying to get him to settle in it rather than me going to bed earlier than ususal, only to have him wake up ten minutes after he'd nodded off and I went to bed because he's got a sixth sense of where I am and whether I am in the room!

I thought...what's the point? I want my baby in bed with me. He's not going to be a baby forever! I might consider the going to bed earlier thing, maybe get a reading light and read in bed...that would be very relaxing indeed!

I am definitely just going to go to bed with ds at 7pm tonight.

Mindee leaves at 6.45pm, we will get in jammies and go straight to bed.

I got three hours sleep last night, sitting reclined on the sofa because lying down made my cough unbearable, and then ds woke at 5.30pm.

DH is away, so I have nobody else to consider tonight.

Aaaaaaah what luxury. And give me a row if you see me posting on here tonight.

And I also figured that it's not going to be like this forever. Ok, maybe a few years, and things will change anyway as I have to go back to work when she's 15mo .

But I'm lucky in that, at the moment at least, I really don't have a thing about 'me' time. Loads of mags and books (and people) go on at new mothers about making sure they have some 'me/you' time. I personally don't get it... You've just given birth to a defenceless, helpless little soul, who relies on you 100%, and you're worrying about having a bath with candles or something?

I do realise that for some people, 'me' time is really psychologically necessary. But, as I said, luckily, I feel I can forego that for the foreseeable future. I'll get myself back eventually (and no doubt resent that! and feel sad that my baby isn't a baby anymore!).

Poor mawbroon! Def. an early bedtime for you!

How do you think things will change when you go back to work?

I think those of you lovely people who stictly observe an attachment parenting regime will look back on it through the cracks in your fingers.

I honestly believe that children thrive where parents (especially mothers) are loving and confident (even if what they do is a bit bonkers ). They like the secure feeling that comes from someone being absolutely and dependably in charge - and most of all someone who is always there. The rest of this parenting malarkey I think you can pretty much make up as you go along and really none of it will matter.

I think it's important not to make a crib/cot or bed a scary place for them to be on their own. And I never gave props for falling asleep (dummies, bf to sleep) so that they learnt how to fall asleep unaided. I think falling asleep unaided is something learnt.

I am a happy and confident mother - don't regret anything so far (on my second and counting)

I realise that I may have sounded judgey about different types of parenting: not intended. I really just mean, I am doing what comes easiest and most naturally to me! Each to their own.

RoRoMummy: I hope that, over the summer, I can gradually introduce her to sleeping in a cot, so that when I'm back at work, she's accustomed to sleeping on her own, so that, whether nanny or nursery, she's into that kind of routine.

I too will have to work in the evenings, so again, I'll have to work gradually on getting her to at least start off on her own in the evenings.

I don't find bedsharing particularly tiring, so I suppose that will continue.

I hope also to BF until she gives up.

Swedes: Not sure, really, about the looking back thing. I've met loads of mums at baby groups and baby yoga, etc., who have LOs the age of my DD who are on the point of collapse: all are practising more 'conventional' methods, e.g. trying to get their LO to sleep in their cots, CC-ing, etc. They all look frickin' knackered, and moan to other mums about how tiring this motherhood business is.

Now, I do also find it tiring on occasion, but I can honestly say that, hand on heart, by following this path of least resistance, I'm not tired, DD is sleeping loads. We're happy. As I've said, things will change as our circumstances change, but I want to do it gradually, and not according to what the world and his MIL thinks I should do.

From what I observed dd would naturally fall asleep on the breast.

How would you prevent that, Swedes?

Me too (bookmarking).

what a great thread. Thanks Trinity!

here's our story:

DS was like this. waking constantly. I nightweaned him when he was almost 2. I had had enough of BF and that was a small step to stopping completely. First I stopped feeding him to sleep. i gave him water in a cup and read him stories and cuddled him. then i wouldn't feed him until after 4, then 5 then 6 etc. he cried. I cuddled. told him repeatedly that i loved him and that i was there and he was safe. i think that lasted about 3 nights before he stopped asking.
when he was awake we talked about him being a big boy and how he ate lots of good food and 'guppa' was for babies.
it wasn't easy. it wasn't fun. but we did it. stopping altogether after that was easy. it really is the nights that are hardest.

anyway. DS is now 3.4 and still sleeps with us every night. still needs to be cuddled to sleep. still wants to be cuddled while he sleeps. but it works for us. he sleeps great now, rarely ever wakes up. (though he's a violent sleeper. punches and kicks all night!!)

so, to answer the OP. i've been there too. i'm not sure if i handled it the right way but it was what i needed to do at the time. tbh i don't think there IS a 'right' way. there's just what's right for YOU. and sounds like you are doing what's right for you and gecko. she's very lucky to have a mum like you!

(incidentally what's the deal with co-sleeping with 2? am I crazy for even considering it?? ...never mind i'll start a thread.)

we co-sleep with two. Though occasionally,
and from night before last, we have encouraged dd to go to sleep in her bed (she has done happily -she is a very happy ittle thing generally).

Personally I think it really really helped reassure dd (and me) and avoided jealousy issues when ds came along. We did buy a super kingsize Ikea bed specifically though. Has been worth it's weight in gold - dd can sleep horizontally practically and we still all sleep well! Mind you,dd likes to sleep cuddled right up close to me a lot but I love sleeping wedged between my babies .

lol
first thing we did when we found out i was pregnant was to go out and buy a superking. somehow i still sleep dangling over the edge!

re falling asleep whilst bf. I would wake them and change a nappy before then putting them down to sleep.

Agree with Penthisileia. What a lovely post.

On the looking back thing, dd is now 5. I have never regretted having her in my bed - quite the contrary. Co-sleeping defined her early childhood and will be one of the fondest memories of her baby/toddlerhood.

What I find is that people want to assume this is hard. My MIL keeps trying to commiserate with me about how knackered I feel. No I don't. I don't even feel the need to discuss my dcs' sleeping habits. She brings it up, not me.

It brings me so much peace to have my little one next to me in the dark dark night. Warm body snuggling, changes in breathing, I hold his hands lightly, arm thrown over my neck - isn't that one of the richest things life has to offer.

No rods in my house ...

Blueshoes - Is it possible your MIL is commiserating on your husband's behalf - or does he feel the co-sleeping has been entirely positive too?

Swedes, my dh does not have to deal with nightwakings because of co-sleeping. It is done to shelter him, as much as it is for my ds.

He is a big man - not one to run to his mammy behind my back.

MIL on the other hand had a lot of pressure from FIL to wean dh at 6 months and then to night train. Which she caved in to as a young bride. She is generally empathetic. I don't think she can genuinely comprehend how it is NOT a problem.

my DH wasn't that big on co-sleeping when we first had DS. now the way he talks you'd think it was his idea!!

So does everyone just go to bed at baby/child's bedtime then?
Does no-one get back downstairs?

I go back downstairs as soon as ds is asleep. He used to go into his cot awake, but when we moved him to a big bed, he seemed scared and didn't want to be left alone.

He now generally sleeps until 1ish, and I go through to him and climb in beside him where we sleep together until the morning. He then ususally wakes around 5 or 5.30 and has a breastfest until about 6.30 when he wants to get up. If he is ill/tired he will sleep longer.

I think Swedes may mean sex, blueshoes. To which I would reply, you takes your chances!

My DH is as evangelical about bedsharing as I am, to be honest. His sole concern is that we find a way to help her adjust to my going back to work in September. He's more worried than me, actually, the big softie.

No, my dd officially went to cot/bed/our bed alone when she was tired around 7-8ish from when she was about 5mths (though with lots of wakings and nights where we all sat in bed watching dvds. And it has been flexible). We moved her to a big bed at 14mths and she loved it. Since giving up her nap a month ago, she goes to bed at 7pm (last week 6.30pm!) - provided we have sorted dinner for 6. It's bliss

LeninGrad - I'm really not against you. I'm trying to save you all from youselves. I know it works for lots of people and so I should shut up and go away.

Penth - How old is your DD? And by the way I didn't mean sex at all. Although I have often wondered.