A polite request that only people who believe in attachemnet parenting ish and self weaning join this thread please. I am just not up to being told I'm useless or a slave to my children

[IAmTheNewQueenOfMN]

Gecko is still waking at least 3 (sometime 6 and up times a night) to bf

Has anyone else had this?

she is 23 months

Hiya, think I am sorta attachment parent, anyway wanted to say we stopped giving milk at night to ff demand-fed dd at about 13mths?... she STILL wakes up most nights for reassurance, and STILL asks for milk - over a year and a half later - she is now 2.9. So not convinced that weaning off bf is the holy grail of sleeping.

Sweetkitty, I thought of you this morning at 4am ! As I know you from July thread and are co-sleeping with 5mth and have other dc...

Leningrad, agree with your post and...

can I join you?!

Quattrocento - This is attachment parenting in a nutshell...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting

However, it is a bit like any theory we all have our own understanding of it, dip in and take out the bits we like and what works for us! For example - I can't imagine not co-sleeping, breast feeding, using a sling for baby but believe in my child having a life of her own (I work pt and she goes to a babysitter or nursery depending on the day) she will go to school, she has vaccinations and we had a hospital birth.

I think most people parent using some attachment parenting ideas sometimes even without knowing it!!!

I have never read any AP stuff and have just kind of fallen into it because it seemed to be the easiest way to deal with DS.

Before he was born, I was all for not picking him up as soon as he cried, doing CC and having him sleep in his own bed all night from a young age etc etc. I think I just thought that this was what you did with babies.

Looking back, I feel that I spoiled what could have been a wonderful time with our new son by trying to impose all this stuff on him. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful, but I couldn't understand why he seemed to need held all the time and wouldn't sleep in his own bed etc etc

Rationally, I am guessing that he won't be damaged, but I do feel sad about it now.

If I am lucky enough to have another, we will AP with confidence.

Thanks teafortwo

Gosh, erm this attachment parenting thing sounds very hard work. I don't know how you do it!

Good luck with the selfweaning and stuff.

Q - The thing is for us it isn't hard work because it feels the easiest way of going about things - what looks like hard work to me is trying to get a baby to sleep in a cot or trying to walk round a shopping centre with a buggy!

it is all swings and roundabouts!!! But at the end of the day I bet you use some attachment parenting techniques yourself - most parents do - just different ones from the self weaners!

Leningrad, Imeant can I join the thread!

Au contraire, Quattro, IME much of our co-sleeping, responding etc is because I like an easy life (have enjoyed this evening of watching peep shw dvd and dh making me tea and dinner with 6mth ds asleep on me. Have been far too lazy to get him into his cot thus far )

Mawbroon, I too didn't read anything about AP tl dd was week old and was googling about whether it was ok for her to sleep on me(never hheard of co-sleeping til then). Found mumsnet! Just followed my instincts really but you know your ds is fine. Its all part of a total package IMO, no-one has the 'perfect' upbringing but as parents we choose our priorities.

Just wanted to add my support...not that I have any advice. I'm about to post about my own issues! Anyway, DS is 22 months and still feeding loads throughout the night (I guess more comfort sucking, but whatever, it's the same result). I am very tired, but trying to change established patterns at this stage feels more difficult than going with the flow...

Just wanted to add my support...not that I have any advice. I'm about to post about my own issues! Anyway, DS is 22 months and still feeding loads throughout the night (I guess more comfort sucking, but whatever, it's the same result). I am very tired, but trying to change established patterns at this stage feels more difficult than going with the flow...

I agree with tea about AP being rather easy because it feels like the best thing to do. Hilariously, I read about attachment parenting when I was pregnant and thought the same thing that quattro said, "blimey, that sounds like way too much work for me!". Then DS was born and I instinctively fell into cuddling for hours, nursey-naps, co-sleeping, etc... and then looked something up in the Dr. Sears book and realized I was doing attachment parenting - the very thing I'd thought was "too much hard work" a few months previously!!

What a wonderful post Jacksmama. I particularly enjoyed the bit where you said you agreed with me - ha ha ha!!!!

100x I'm with you. I want to stand up and applaud. I think we are semi-detached parents.

PMSL at semi-detached parents.

Oh swedes - great stuff!!!

OK how do people get to watch eastenders?
For the last couple of weeks, I've been getting DD (6mo) to sleep on my bed and then creeping away downstairs. Everytime she wakes up, I rush back up and get her back to sleep. Anyway, this is getting us nowhere. Tonight I put her down at 8pm and have been back up 6 times.
What do other people do?
(and what if she miraculously stays asleep and then wakes up and tries to move around the bed???)
Will I ever get to sit downstairs on my own for more than 5 mins at a time...
...there she is again - seriously!

Just thought I'd point out that prior to this, I just stayed upstairs with her and prior prior to this, she just slept on me until I went up to bed

BBC iPlayer

Can i join.. am off to bed now but..

ds2 is 12 months and still bfed, sleeps in cot sometimes by bed or in our bed (he prefers) Feeds on request which at the moment is through night too. I wont do controlled crying, forced weaning etc and been basically following his needs. I dont know if i am just lazy but i cant be arsed with the whole 'my baby sleeps through' and i managed only x feeds blah blah.

I just do what we feel is working.

i think someone already mentioned this but i bet most people do elements of this without realising just because it works!

my ds would never go in a pram or buggy so i had him in a sling, still do usually at 17 months. he was/ is fed on demand and i have never ever left him to cry or done any sleep training etc.

don't think i would count myself as an ap because ds never wanted to co-sleep, tried on many occassions when he seemed unsettled but it made him worse, he wriggled and cried, he seems to need his own space at night dispite having no self soothing skills. i always fed him to sleep and walked him to sleep in the day etc. we have an amazing bond now because of this.

he is still very much attached to me for much of the day, especially in strange environments, has never wanted to go to anyone else or even sit in a trolley seat at tesco, always in my arms. in fact he seems to not really like being handled by anyone but me and dh which a lot of my family say negative things about. 'i've spoilt him' 'he's undersocialised' etc etc.

i am lucky that he does sleep through although is an early riser. i think the thing i find hard is that some babies just need this style of parenting, even without reading about it and defining it. it's very sad that people in my family see it as being a negativ, over protective mum thing. they don't realise that he needs constant input from me and that i can feel his body tense up and know when he needs removing from a situation or simply doesn't want someone in his face. very difficult to explain to other people without sounding neurotic. anyone else find this???

LOL mawbroon - that's prob my only chance. Well that or sky+

Menadjoe - it's seen as very negative by a lot of people around me too. Although interestingly, not by my mum. At 62, she was a kind of attached parent herself when it was probably really unfashionable.

[bookmarks thread for future perusal after she has found coffee]

Hello. My name is Penthesileia, and I am an attachment parent.

I too find that it is the easy route. We couldn't/can't bear to hear our DD cry, so anything that involved leaving her for any length of time just wasn't for us. We were way too soft!

She sleeps in bed with us, very happily, with hardly any waking (she doesn't even wake to bf - just wiggles and grunts in her sleep until I waggle my boob in her face and she latches on ); we wake up to her happy smiling face and little hands smacking patting us on the face in the morning. Bliss!

During the day, she either naps on me in a sling, or in her buggy (she's only recently decided she likes the buggy to nap in), or in bed with me lying beside her. If I sneak away, she wakes up, and frankly, I'd rather she slept: I've read too many horror stories of unhappy over-tired babies and over-tired mums rushing back and forth to the cot.

This last point, though, is my most secret admission... I go to bed at the same time as her...! ... I found that, if I creep away, she wakes up (not crying, just awake and wanting to play again). So, DH and I decided that, for the time being, this was the best option, until she's old enough to do the NCSS in an effective way. I MN on my laptop or watch Iplayer (so pretty much what I would be doing anyway, if I was up!! ), and we have a peaceful happy house. DH works most evenings anyhow, so I wouldn't see much of him at that time; and we try to make up for it by having 'quality time' during the day on the weekend, as a family.

I love my smiling, happy little girl. She never cries, or needs to. Indeed, the other night when she had a night terror (maybe my parenting isn't that super if she's having night terrors at 7mo ) was the first time I'd heard her really scream or cry ).

I decided, before she was born, that - given that there is a strong possibility that she might be our only - I didn't want to regret a single moment of her babyhood. I never wanted to look back and say, "I wish I'd held my baby, rather than do the tidying up, etc". Our house is chaos, but it won't always be like this (or at least, eventually - maybe when she leaves home - I'll tidy up!). I never want to say, "I could've held my baby more than I did".